Back of the net!
You'll be pleased to learn that my mission to Paris was a successful one. I gave a fine account of myself and I'm sure you'd have all been dead proud of me. She was a stayer, which is the way I like 'em these days. Start 'em off slow, keep 'em nice and steady, tighten the reins, keep your stirrups just this side of middle and get your head down for the final 2 furlongs, galloping away for all you're worth. Cross the finish line with arm outstretched in triumph, perform an elaborate dismount (not too quick, she might still be keen), job's a good 'un, good old Flashy heads for the Winner's Enclosure, a dead cert for Champion Jockey again this year.
But I have to say: the trip didn't improve my opinion of the French any, damn fool Frogs the lot of 'em. What have they got against toilets, rot 'em? 1 cubicle per restaurant if you're lucky? 20 minute queue to waggle your widget after a heavy night's boozing? Can't be good for their health, that. No wonder they're in such a rush when they're driving - they're all desperate to get home for a slash.
The actual countdown to New Year was a bit of an anti-climax, though. (Actually, for me it was more of a post-climax, but I won't go into any more detail. Give that man a rosette!) Stood in what I thought was a capital spot next to the Arc de Triomphe, with champion views of a faraway Eiffel Tower and within spitting distance of the cordoned off Champs Elysees. (Great sight to behold all those Frenchies, stuck baying behind a barricade. Fair warms the heart, it does).
But turned out to be a bit of a damp squib - as not only no 'dix to un' countdown (I'd rehearsed it all day), but barely a firework to be seen - the penny-pinching, ill-mannered, garlicky gits. Apparently they let some off by their crappy ferris wheel 'dans la rue' (ain't he a drag act?),where they're making a big push for the 2012 Olympics.
Well, seeing as drunkenly cycling around roundabouts the wrong way ain't an Olympic sport just yet, I vote they give it to London. At least we would provide toilets.
The entire East End, for example.
So how did your New Year go? Any resolutions?
My New Year's resolution is for more of the same.
And plenty of the other.
We had an ace new year. We went camping at the beach with a large group of friends and much sex and boozing was had. Perhaps one of the highlights was a drunken friend lying pantless on the beach telling everyone he was a sea turtle laying his eggs (!) and the angry camp owner at one in the morning - I kid you not - telling us that "you've had your fun, now either shut up or piss off." We did neither. He got called "Friendly McBoob" for the rest of the trip. Perhaps you had to be there but I thought that my 2005 started very well - with nary a hangover.
Yeah..well let ME regail you in my New Years Eve.
'twasn't the night before Christmas (we'd already had that one) and I hadn't heard a whisper of any New Years Eve Party. A friend (let us call him 'Thomas Dobson') messaged me and asked me if I knew if anything was going 'down'. I said no and then suggested a shin dig at my place. That went down a treat and I assembled my crew to come to my place at half six for sausages and bread to be eaten in an orderly fashion.
But fuck me dead if the pricks didn't have plans already yet they didn't the day before. Asses. A grand total of 3 people game. Including myself. Highlights were having a flare landing in the house behind us, me saying 'Wow, it's like a dead heat in a zepplin race' in relation to a rather top heavy lass and having 'Thomas Dobson' throw his beer away so he didn't get arrested for street drinking while the police were quite a few kilometres away.
So yeah. Mine ruled. *cough*
In Britain, when people want to buy a pet, they go to a pet shop.
When they want to buy a pet shop, they go to a pet shop shop.
When they want to buy a pet shop shop, they're just being silly....
Because there's nothing on the television except repeats of "Doctor Who", "Medics" and that episode of "Blackadder 2" I'm in, Lou and Andy have decided to rent a video...
Street drinking is consuming alcohol in the streets. It's illegal. Uh. I don't really know how better to explain it. I just know that you can't go down the street syphoning a a whiskey or gurgling a rum. Bastards.
Saw the year in down at the 'Green Dragon' as usual.
"Another year older, another inch wider " remarked the gaffer, which is why my New Year resolution is to lose a few pounds. And not on the ponies for once.
