| Flashman 27.06.2007 09:16 |
How many have you broken? I've almost got the full set. Thou shalt have no other gods before me - I'm okay there. I've never followed a deity of any description, before, since or otherwise. Thou shalt not make for thyself an idol - I have never and will never vote in any TV popularity contest of any kind. You end up with folk like Michelle McManus in the charts. Christ, she was forty stones. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy God - In the absence of any sub-clause, we must assume that my oft used expression "For God's sake, put a sock in it, woman" will send me to Hades in a handcart. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy - I know all the words to 'Stairway To Heaven', so I'm alright there. Oh fuck, that's Led Zeppellin. Honour thy Mother and Father - Aye, every time I need a couple of grand to tide me over. I even paid 'em back once, nearly. Thou shalt not murder - It was never proven in court. Thou shalt not commit adultery - How hot is it in Hell? I'll pack my Speedos... Thou shalt not steal - ...and my sunglasses. Thou shalt not bear false witness - Not even to save my own skin? I hope Satan serves decent liquor. What kind of rules are these? Even the Scouts would give you a second chance. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife - But she was insistent. I coveted her all over the billiard room before she had her fill. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house - I'd shag anything with a drink inside me, but even I draw the line somewhere. So how do you score? |
| Sergei. 27.06.2007 09:22 |
As of now, I hardly believe in God. So I score a zero. |
| Mr.Jingles 27.06.2007 09:25 |
There should be one called: Thou shalt not spam message boards |
| Flashman 27.06.2007 10:20 |
I don't know who to believe about these Commandments, y'know. I always thought there was one about not making graven images, or some such rot. One of the first things I ever did at primary school was draw penises all over my 'Janet & John' books. I was doomed before I even knew better, not that I've learnt any. |
| magicalfreddiemercury 27.06.2007 10:24 |
Flashman wrote: One of the first things I ever did at primary school was draw penises all over my 'Janet & John' books. I was doomed before I even knew better, not that I've learnt any.Tsk. Tsk. What might ye be teaching the wee one, Flashman? |
| steven 35638 27.06.2007 11:30 |
THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME Why not? Is God THAT selfish? THOU SHALT NOT MAKE FOR THYSELF AN IDOL I must be honest that it came pretty close to me making a shrine just for Freddie Mercury. However, I never 'truly' dedicated all my time to that wonderful musician, so I guess I'm still safe with God at this point. THOU SHALT NOT MAKE WRONGFUL USE OF THE NAME OF THY GOD I honestly believe nobody can escape this crime (even if we mean it or not). REMEMBER THE SABBATH AND KEEP IT HOLY I don't remember ever meeting Sabbath, but I do recall he had a pretty good band. HONOUR THY MOTHER AND FATHER I love my parents! So I guess I do honour them. I might have dissapointed them every now and then, but doesn't everybody? THOU SHALT NOT MURDER Crap, I knew I shouldn't have killed all those ants. THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY I'm not married, but I would NEVER and I mean NEVER commit adultery. One lover is enough for me. THOU SHALT NOT STEAL I'm guilty of this crime. It was just a pen though! THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS Um, isn't it human nature to protect oneself at all costs? Dammit, I'm guilty! THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE Well, no I haven't actually seduced my neighbor's wife. Why would I? She's like 100 years old. |
| Flashman 27.06.2007 12:14 |
<font color=FF0033 face=symbol>Freddie wrote: THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE Well, no I haven't actually seduced my neighbor's wife. Why would I? She's like 100 years old.There's no substitute for experience, old bean. |
| Carol! the Musical 27.06.2007 14:46 |
I don't really have a defined religion as of now ( ohgasp ), but this is like a fun questionaire, so I'll give it a shot. xD Thou shalt have no other gods before me - Haha, I've had at least three different "gods". Thou shalt not make for thyself an idol - Idols and gods can occasionally have the same meaning in my book. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy God - I break that commandment all livelong day. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy - I sleep 'til 12 on "Sabbath". XD Honour thy Mother and Father - "Honour" is a strong word. Thou shalt not murder - I'm with Mr. Freddie Symbols, here. I've killed loads of ants. Thou shalt not commit adultery - I haven't got a chance to do that, yet! ;_; Thou shalt not steal - I'll go to Hell, but I'm not giving back that Hello Kitty figurine. Thou shalt not bear false witness - Pffffft. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife - I can covet whomever I want! :0 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house - I can covet whatever I want! :0 So there's my score... I'm only clean of having comitted murder ( of a human ) and adultery. But all in good time. |
| Sergei. 27.06.2007 15:29 |
Thou shalt have no other gods before me - I'm Vishnu. Tehe. Thou shalt not make for thyself an idol - What about Leigh Bowery? ¡_¡ Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy God - Let's see, I say "Jesus Christ," "God damn it," "God" and many others of the like variety hundreds of times a day. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy - I bang a pot at night on the sabbath and watch marathons of The X Files. Honour thy Mother and Father - For the most part, we fight like cats and dogs. Thou shalt not murder - I murdered a purty butterfly once. Thou shalt not commit adultery - I cheated once on my pen pal. Thou shalt not steal - Okay, I stole a Snicker's bar from the local Wawa. Thou shalt not bear false witness - I saw that bitch steal my man. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife - SHE brought cookies to our house for Christmas! D: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house - My other neighbour is a redneck. The fireworks, one day, will blow the house up. <_< |
| JoxerTheDeityPirate 27.06.2007 17:56 |
you forgot the 11th commandment: thou must use goose fat for all of the above... |
| deleted user 27.06.2007 18:36 |
Yeah, well, being Catholic means that you know all little sub-points for each commandment. :/ 1. I am the Lord your God. You shall not have other gods before me. - Like ANYTHING. Food, TV, sex, Queen...well, I'm guilty with the Queen thing. 2. You shall not use the Lord's name in vain. - I'm relatively good at this. Although it somehow also includes curse words. No idea. 3. Keep holy the Sabbath day. - I've neglected a few, so I'm doomed. 4. Honor your father and mother. - This also means ANY authority figure! So when I called the band directors stupid, I'm probably one step closer to downstairs... 5. You shall not kill. - Not even WANTING to kill somebody! Luckily, I haven't done this yet. 6. You shall not commit adultery. - This involves ANYTHING to do with sex. "SEX IS FOR MARRIAGE! RAWR!" I'm not involved with this either. 7. You shall not steal. - Well, duh. I did when I was 4! 8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. - Lying, cheating, etc. Perhaps...? 9. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. - I don't get the necessity of this one. They say that if you break #9, you've pretty much broken #6. You get a double whammy! 10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house. - Same as above, but with #7. Yeah. You'd be surprised at to how specific these things are when the leader people expand on them. Yeah. I think I'm screwed in issues I don't even know about! |
| AspiringPhilosophe 27.06.2007 19:21 |
As most people here know I'm NOT a religious person at all, I'm probably screwed from the start. But whenever those religious peoples scream at me that I'm going to hell, I just wink and say "See you there!" I figure Hell is going to be one Hell of a party (pun intended) if all the gay guys, rock bands, and alcohol is down there! 1. I am the Lord your God. You shall not have other gods before me. -This assumes a belief in God...so I guess this counts me out since I don't believe in one. 2. You shall not use the Lord's name in vain. -I don't want to count how many times a day I probably do this...it's just habit 3. Keep holy the Sabbath day. -Haven't been to church in 3 years now, so consider this one busted 4. Honor your father and mother. -I honor people who honor me. I don't think respect should be automatically given, though I will give a certain amount of it until I deem you worthy of my respect. Jeeze...that sounds arrogant, but I don't give respect to people or things that don't deserve it. I honor my parents because they are the best and I love them dearly, so maybe I could get half credit for this one. 5. You shall not kill. -Do spiders count? Because I kill them...after I scream for Dad to come and kill it and realize he can't because I'm on my own now.... 6. You shall not commit adultery. -Well, as I'm not married, this doesn't really apply. But I'm ALWAYS faithful in any relationship I have, so I can get credit for this one too! YAY! 2 for 6! 7. You shall not steal. -Did this once when I was little. 8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. -I would never do this, because it's against my moral code. So now that's 3 I've kept!! 9. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. -Um...I'm not attracted to women in that way, so I'm off the hook on this one **winks** And if you turn this around into husband, then...well, what goes on in my head is MY business alone....**grins** 10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house. - Capitalism would collapse if everyone followed this one...so I'm not too keen to follow this one. |
| sparrow 21754 27.06.2007 20:45 |
1. I am the Lord your God. You shall not have other gods before me. ....but i am god! see? god with a lower case 'g' so im modest :) 2. You shall not use the Lord's name in vain. .... i was kidding about the first one.....sorry, God. 3. Keep holy the Sabbath day. ive been made to work on sundays. bastards. 4. Honor your father and mother. ok....that i do 5. You shall not kill. BUGS!!!!!! ERRRRK >.< ive also hunted... 6. You shall not commit adultery. not gonna lie, im too loyal to even imagine this. even in the worst cases 7. You shall not steal. shit. 8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. why not? she DID do it! >.> 9. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. im straight, so thats no problem. 10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house. ...huh? ah well, save me a seat for hell. |
| eenaweena 28.06.2007 05:00 |
commandement 10 is "you shall not covet your neighbor's goods", not house. |
| thomasquinn 32989 28.06.2007 06:01 |
<font color=FF0033 face=symbol>Freddie wrote: THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME Why not? Is God THAT selfish?Well, if you read the Old Testament, yes, actually. In fact, God refers to himself as being "an envious God" once. THOU SHALT NOT MAKE FOR THYSELF AN IDOL I must be honest that it came pretty close to me making a shrine just for Freddie Mercury. However, I never 'truly' dedicated all my time to that wonderful musician, so I guess I'm still safe with God at this point.You might not know this, but God sort of loosened his hold on this commandment a bit. You see, he's got a soft spot for The Beatles himself. THOU SHALT NOT MAKE WRONGFUL USE OF THE NAME OF THY GOD I honestly believe nobody can escape this crime (even if we mean it or not).If He uses this one against you, He's a hypocrite. You should hear him; by the sounds of it, he invented cursing! REMEMBER THE SABBATH AND KEEP IT HOLY I don't remember ever meeting Sabbath, but I do recall he had a pretty good band.Ozzy wasn't a great singer though. Next time there's a Witches' Sabbath, though, I'll go there and keep it holy, just to be on the safe side :P HONOUR THY MOTHER AND FATHER I love my parents! So I guess I do honour them. I might have dissapointed them every now and then, but doesn't everybody?God's mum is still going on about the ungrateful little brat he was in his teens, so I wouldn't worry about this too much. THOU SHALT NOT MURDER Crap, I knew I shouldn't have killed all those ants.You might get off on temporary insanity there...I mean, you were probably quite young. THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY I'm not married, but I would NEVER and I mean NEVER commit adultery. One lover is enough for me.How do you expect me to take the mickey out of a righteous remark like that, huh? Think before you speak!!! THOU SHALT NOT STEAL I'm guilty of this crime. It was just a pen though!That is not the point! Oh wait, yes, it is. THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS Um, isn't it human nature to protect oneself at all costs? Dammit, I'm guilty!Yeah, it is. We call it cowardice. Not a sin, but a major vice, IMHO. THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE Well, no I haven't actually seduced my neighbor's wife. Why would I? She's like 100 years old.That's God's way of helping us. I don't think there ARE attractive neighbor's wives. |
| -fatty- 2850 28.06.2007 11:28 |
Not only have I broken all ten commandments, I've shagged five of the seven dwarves. fatty. |
| JoxerTheDeityPirate 28.06.2007 11:46 |
fatty wrote: Not only have I broken all ten commandments, I've shagged five of the seven dwarves. fatty.was sleepy bashful about it? did doc get grumpy? was dopey happy afterwards? |
| AspiringPhilosophe 28.06.2007 13:16 |
joxertheteddybearpirate wrote:ROTFL!!!fatty wrote: Not only have I broken all ten commandments, I've shagged five of the seven dwarves. fatty.was sleepy bashful about it? did doc get grumpy? was dopey happy afterwards? I love you Joxer...you are brilliant :-) |
| deleted user 28.06.2007 14:44 |
may I remind you all that Masterbation is a form of adultery? (watches as everyone changes their answer to that one...) |
| Carol! the Musical 28.06.2007 15:48 |
<b><font color = "crimson"> ThomasQuinn wrote:Haha, this made me smile! :DTHOU SHALT NOT MAKE FOR THYSELF AN IDOL I must be honest that it came pretty close to me making a shrine just for Freddie Mercury. However, I never 'truly' dedicated all my time to that wonderful musician, so I guess I'm still safe with God at this point.You might not know this, but God sort of loosened his hold on this commandment a bit. You see, he's got a soft spot for The Beatles himself. |
| The Real Wizard 28.06.2007 16:08 |
Flashman wrote: Thou shalt not murder - It was never proven in court. Thou shalt not commit adultery - How hot is it in Hell? I'll pack my Speedos... Thou shalt not steal - ...and my sunglasses. fatty wrote: Not only have I broken all ten commandments, I've shagged five of the seven dwarves. fatty.Ha ha ha! Just the laughs I needed today. |
| Mr Mercury 26.02.2011 19:38 |
You forgot that other commandment - Never take a Ginsters Pasty and try to pass it off as a Cornish Pasty..... Just ask Joxer...... :) |
| The Real Wizard 28.02.2011 19:38 |
Here's everything you need to know about the ten commandments... as spoken by the ever-wise George Carlin.. link |
| pittrek 01.03.2011 00:56 |
I have never killed somebody, but the rest .... |
| magicalfreddiemercury 02.03.2011 06:09 |
Sir GH wrote: Here's everything you need to know about the ten commandments... as spoken by the ever-wise George Carlin.. linkHow great to see this again! Thanks for posting it. "Thou shall keep thy religion to thyself" The absolute best. |
| thomasquinn 32989 02.03.2011 06:24 |
"Decalogue" Decalogue, n. A series of commandments, ten in number--just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice. Following is the revised edition of the Decalogue, calculated for this meridion. 1 Thou shalt no God but me adore: 2 'Twere too expensive to have more. 3 No images nor idols make 4 For Robert Ingersoll to break. 5 Take not God's name in vain: select 6 A time when it will have effect. 7 Work not on Sabbath days at all, 8 But go to see the teams play ball. 9 Honor thy parents. That creates 10 For life insurance lower rates. 11 Kill not, abet not those who kill; 12 Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's bill. 13 Kiss not thy neighbor's wife, unless 14 Thine own thy neighbor doth caress. 15 Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete 16 Successfully in business. Cheat. 17 Bear not false witness--that is low-- 18 But "hear 'tis rumored so and so." 19 Covet thou naught that thou hast got 20 By hook or crook, or somehow, got. - Ambrose Bierce |
| Thistle 05.03.2011 16:45 |
If my typppping is a biiittttt wobbbbbly, I'm sorry, I can't tyypee and fuccccccccccckk my neighbou''''''rrrss wife attt the sammme time. But since my wife is free, I can now dictate to her as she types for me. If anyone tells her what I'm doing, I will kill you. I mean it. And then I will have your house. I'll move in on Sunday, it's the only day I have off from shoplifting. But again, don't tell the mrs. Oh, Jesus Christ, she already knows. So, if the shoplifting thing ever becomes public, none of you ever heard me tell you. In fact, I was too busy listening to my idol, the great Gary Mullen, to have done any of it. God, he is. Oh shit, I forgot to phone mum and dad. Fuck it, it's been years anyway, they've not seen me since borstal. I'm Guilty as sin and care not a jot. But if you're reading this, God, I jest. |
| Thistle 07.03.2011 18:33 |
Mr Mercury wrote: You forgot that other commandment - Never take a Ginsters Pasty and try to pass it off as a Cornish Pasty..... Just ask Joxer...... :) ============================================================================================= I thought that was Joxer on that new Ginsters ad on TV? |