| sparrow 21754 20.12.2006 02:57 |
ok so my friend is bipolar (like...severely) shes messed up in the head but at teh same time refuses to be happy. she believes her only way of happiness is to die or just somehow not exist. shes on all kinda of drugs both perscribed and not. she hangs out with bad people ive told her all i could. i have not patronized her or put her down, lectured or fed into her stuff (makeing her feel better by telling her what she wants to hear) basically she wants to be miserable. im tired of trying to help her if she doesnt want to listen or doestn want help. i know its easy to say 'its her choice let her fuck up' and such but i care bout her since shes one of my best friends. what should i do/say? |
| Killer Queenie 20.12.2006 04:08 |
hmmmm... I think she may be suffering from depression... maybe she needs to see a doctor or a phycyatricst(sp?). But the best thing I guess you could really do is to just be there for support incase anything bad happens. If she doesn't accept it - oh well. You have done everything you could. |
| magicalfreddiemercury 20.12.2006 08:22 |
Can you talk to her parents? They might not realize the extent of her depression or drug use. It couldn't hurt to inform them. (or you can tell your parents if you think they'll talk to hers.) |
| Eviltwin 20.12.2006 08:47 |
Hey Rave, How much have read on Bi-Polar disorder or "manic depression"? Is she always "low" and never "high"? You should for sure bring to someone's attention that she is mixing drugs. If she is a close friend, and this is really bothering you, you should read up as much as you can on it. They can be very difficult people. Of course, this is only my opinion. |
| Poo, again 20.12.2006 11:09 |
Emo. |
| kimmithee 20.12.2006 11:27 |
it may be a sign of depression or something at home is bothering her. ask her whats wrong if there's something bothering her. |
| Killer Queenie 20.12.2006 13:26 |
<font color=pink>Account Deleted wrote: Emo.just cos they are depressed doesn't mean they are an Emo, Brian May suffered from depression and he aint an Emo is he? |
| Poo, again 20.12.2006 15:29 |
<font color=0099FF>Killer Queenie wrote:Emo.<font color=pink>Account Deleted wrote: Emo.just cos they are depressed doesn't mean they are an Emo, Brian May suffered from depression and he aint an Emo is he? |
| Sonia Doris 20.12.2006 15:34 |
emu :) You shouldn't do anything, sometimes it's not a good idea to force somebody change his/her/its views on the world. Maybe she's happy in her misery. |
| Carol! the Musical 20.12.2006 15:58 |
Sonia Doris wrote: emu :) You shouldn't do anything, sometimes it's not a good idea to force somebody change his/her/its views on the world. Maybe she's happy in her misery.Who the fuck is happy being miserable?... |
| AspiringPhilosophe 20.12.2006 16:05 |
It sounds like a cry for attention to me, and probably depression, if not true bipolar. You should definatly tell her parents (or yours so they can tell hers) about the drug use, because belive me she's doing more harm than good with the drugs if she truly is bipolar...my sister is bipolar and did drugs to try and "fix herself". She'll be mad you told, but you need to reassure her that you are doing it out of concern for her, because you care for her. But, a caveat is needed. In the end, whether or not she gets help is her decision. Even her parents forcing her to go to counseling or take medication or something won't do any good at all if she hasn't already made the decision to get help. She needs to know that you support her and care for her, but you can't force her to change. Only she can do that. If she chooses to remain miserable, in spite of everything else, you will have to wash your hands of it. I'm not saying you have to be mean or anything, but just give her space and accept that if she's living this way there isn't anything you can do about it. Best of luck to you....be strong |
| Lisser 20.12.2006 17:00 |
<font color=660066>Dorian<h6>pssht wrote:Many people are. You'd be surprised.Sonia Doris wrote: emu :) You shouldn't do anything, sometimes it's not a good idea to force somebody change his/her/its views on the world. Maybe she's happy in her misery.Who the fuck is happy being miserable?... |
| deleted user 20.12.2006 17:18 |
Lisser wrote:I'll have to admit I'm one of them.<font color=660066>Dorian<h6>pssht wrote:Many people are. You'd be surprised.Sonia Doris wrote: emu :) You shouldn't do anything, sometimes it's not a good idea to force somebody change his/her/its views on the world. Maybe she's happy in her misery.Who the fuck is happy being miserable?... |
| Carol! the Musical 20.12.2006 17:36 |
<font color="FF0066">DeadOnTime<h6>~<3~! wrote:Give happiness a chance...! :DLisser wrote:I'll have to admit I'm one of them.<font color=660066>Dorian<h6>pssht wrote:Many people are. You'd be surprised.Sonia Doris wrote: emu :) You shouldn't do anything, sometimes it's not a good idea to force somebody change his/her/its views on the world. Maybe she's happy in her misery.Who the fuck is happy being miserable?... |
| Donna13 20.12.2006 18:34 |
You say she is one of your best friends and yet she is hanging around with "bad" people and doing drugs. People choose the group they want to be with. I think it is best for you to keep away from her while she is having such serious problems. This is self preservation. However, if she has made statements about wanting to die, you should take that seriously enough to tell her parents. She might be planning suicide at this point. It can't be good for your life to feel that level of responsibility for someone else's actions. |
| Micrówave 20.12.2006 18:52 |
Sparrow wrote: what should i do/say?Buy a baby shower gift now. |
| sparrow 21754 20.12.2006 20:12 |
see thats the other thing. her parents are kinda in the same spot i am. shes been in the psych ward a couple times, the hospital a few times and she is bi-polar. she has eating disorders and she cuts herself. its sad to watch but we argued about it and she just wants to be unhappy. its all she knows. now its up to her really to figure things out. people have tried. ive tried several times to help her and so have her friends. her parents on the other hand are also irrational when it comes to her desisions. she is in a way a spolit brat but at the same time her parents are rather uncaring about it or as i said 'irrational'. they put her down instead of trying to help her when she fucks up. that is wrong. she doesnt need that. and as sonia said there are people who want to be miserable. and in this case and mjost of my friends's cases its true. its a cry for attention. but this friend is really fucked up. i want to help, but at the same time ive helped for so long and she just doesnt care or listen. i believe the only thing i can do as someone said, is self preservation. i may just have to keep her out of my life to keep her from sucking me into bad things. its sad to watch and hurts me to do it but at this point its all i can do. ive put all kinds of effort (by not lecturing or insulting her) in telling her how i feel and trying to help, but trying and not succeeding is exhausting. everyones aware of whats shes doing but shes too stubborn to budge. unless someone cuffs her and puts her in the psych ward again and this time untill shes cured thers nothing we can do :( shes made so many problems on it its to a point where shes gotta hit rock bottom and learn herself. so i guess i gotta sit back and watch and be there for her when she figures it out. |
| thomasquinn 32989 20.12.2006 20:12 |
sparrow something is bothering me....A lot of things are bothering me, but I don't go 'round claiming webspace for them, do I now? |
| sparrow 21754 21.12.2006 02:17 |
<b><font color = "crimson"> ThomasQuinn wrote:....nobody asked you. if you have nothing useful to say to this then dont bother wasting your time to post here.sparrow something is bothering me....A lot of things are bothering me, but I don't go 'round claiming webspace for them, do I now? sure theres plenty im angry at or frustrated, but this is a rare occasion for me to do this, nor would i normally post something not worth most peoples time. im not a spammer, nor do i whine about my lame-ass everyday problems. so shut your mouth. im allowed to ask for help once in a while just as much as anyone else. im not harming anyone. QZ is just some outside opinions for me, if that bothers you for some reason, as i said, dont waste your time or mine posting here. well anyway, thanks guys, i think i know that the best thing for me to do (since i told her all i could) is to leave her to learn. it saddens me to do it, but as (i think) donna said, i shouldnt have that kind of resposibility, and i agree. i shouldnt exhaust myself for her expense (in which she wouldnt bother budging anyway). its been happening for far too long and i dont want to deal with her anymore. hopefully soon shell learn. |
| Poo, again 21.12.2006 07:07 |
Tell her to stop being so fucking emo. |
| AspiringPhilosophe 21.12.2006 09:27 |
You know, if this were 5 years ago I could have sworn it was me writing about my sister. We had her in and out of psych wards too. And to be honest, while you may think her parents are being irrational, it's more likely they are just lost. They don't know what to do, because nothing they've tried seems to be helping. I know, that's what happend with my parents and my sister. In the end, Ashely had to decide for herself that she was sick of acting the way she was (she was drinking heavily and cutting herself as well). Mom and Dad were always there to help, but they didn't know what else they could do. There was a while there where we were all sure she was going to kill herself with this behavior. Eventually, she had a "lightbulb" moment. She was riding somewhere with Mom, turned to look at her and said, "Mom, I need help. I don't want to be like this anymore." That was all she needed to accept. We took her back to the psych ward where she'd been before (the doctor there wanted her to come back when she was ready for treatment) and she was there for about two weeks while they put her on medication and counseled her. Today, she's back to normal. She takes her meds regularly, got her diploma and a nurse's assisstant certification, and is holding down a good paying job (more than what I make!) as a nurse's aid in a medical care facility for older adults and other disabled people. She's got wonderful friends and has really turned things around. What's the point in all of this? My sister made the decision to change. Your friend needs to make the decision to change. However, you need to realize you can't make her do that, neither can her parents, and you may need to start accepting the fact that she doesn't want to make it. If she doesn't, you need to cut your losses and move on. Holding on is only going to extend the pain (trust me, I know this one). If you've told her parents about the drug use and everything else, there isn't much else you can do. BTW...you said earlier that most of your friends are like this. Why? It may be time to evaluate your circle of friends. It's possible you are hanging with them because it makes you feel better to provide them with the sense of security and love that they need, but you run a very great risk to yourself in doing so. It sounds like you are a very caring, giving person. But you may also have some self esteem issues that make you crave this type of idea where you need to feel needed by others to feel good about yourself. That isn't healthy. Just a thought. I hope it's not taken as an insult, because it isn't meant to be one. |
| thomasquinn 32989 21.12.2006 10:58 |
Sparrow wrote:Seriously! If you want serious help, QZ is NOT the place. The sensible people here are fewer than there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and even if they WERE to be here, they'd have been infected by the raging stupidity here long ago. If you take your problem seriously, there are plenty of professionals whose JOB it is to help young people with problems. Approach THEM, THEY have a clue what they are dealing with, some anonymous morons (yes, I include myself) on a webboard don't.<b><font color = "crimson"> ThomasQuinn wrote:....nobody asked you. if you have nothing useful to say to this then dont bother wasting your time to post here. sure theres plenty im angry at or frustrated, but this is a rare occasion for me to do this, nor would i normally post something not worth most peoples time. im not a spammer, nor do i whine about my lame-ass everyday problems. so shut your mouth. im allowed to ask for help once in a while just as much as anyone else. im not harming anyone. QZ is just some outside opinions for me, if that bothers you for some reason, as i said, dont waste your time or mine posting here. well anyway, thanks guys, i think i know that the best thing for me to do (since i told her all i could) is to leave her to learn. it saddens me to do it, but as (i think) donna said, i shouldnt have that kind of resposibility, and i agree. i shouldnt exhaust myself for her expense (in which she wouldnt bother budging anyway). its been happening for far too long and i dont want to deal with her anymore. hopefully soon shell learn.sparrow something is bothering me....A lot of things are bothering me, but I don't go 'round claiming webspace for them, do I now? |
| Poo, again 21.12.2006 11:09 |
Well said. ^ |
| Donna13 21.12.2006 11:24 |
"...some anonymous morons (yes, I include myself) ..." Thomas Quinn, you are not a moron! I think you need our advice - the doctor is in - 5 cents please. |
| sparrow 21754 21.12.2006 12:00 |
<b><font color = "crimson"> ThomasQuinn wrote:i understand that. but i do have friends here that i consider have good opnions and for the most part good heads on their shoulders.Sparrow wrote:Seriously! If you want serious help, QZ is NOT the place. The sensible people here are fewer than there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and even if they WERE to be here, they'd have been infected by the raging stupidity here long ago. If you take your problem seriously, there are plenty of professionals whose JOB it is to help young people with problems. Approach THEM, THEY have a clue what they are dealing with, some anonymous morons (yes, I include myself) on a webboard don't.<b><font color = "crimson"> ThomasQuinn wrote:....nobody asked you. if you have nothing useful to say to this then dont bother wasting your time to post here. sure theres plenty im angry at or frustrated, but this is a rare occasion for me to do this, nor would i normally post something not worth most peoples time. im not a spammer, nor do i whine about my lame-ass everyday problems. so shut your mouth. im allowed to ask for help once in a while just as much as anyone else. im not harming anyone. QZ is just some outside opinions for me, if that bothers you for some reason, as i said, dont waste your time or mine posting here. well anyway, thanks guys, i think i know that the best thing for me to do (since i told her all i could) is to leave her to learn. it saddens me to do it, but as (i think) donna said, i shouldnt have that kind of resposibility, and i agree. i shouldnt exhaust myself for her expense (in which she wouldnt bother budging anyway). its been happening for far too long and i dont want to deal with her anymore. hopefully soon shell learn.sparrow something is bothering me....A lot of things are bothering me, but I don't go 'round claiming webspace for them, do I now? ive dealt with counselors and psychologists in the past, and they so far have done nothing but either waste my time or just take my money, ive gotten no help from them so my solutions are to consult family or friends. this isnt so much serious (well, a better word being severe) as it is just wanting an answer on whats best. i dont post the real horrible problems here :-p. and i can weed out the bad advice (microwave, youre one) i am not stupid, and believe it or not some (but few) people here arent either. i do take my friend seriously but only to a point. bi-polars in general just want attention and manipulate people (ive dealt with plenty, its left a bad taste) but since she is my best friend i for some odd reason see a difference. theres only so long you can give into their crap until youre exhausted and thats the point im at now. its my point to figure out what i think was the best advice given to me both by friends and family and the good advice here. so i mean no offence caspar, but i still stick to my point before. |
| sparrow 21754 21.12.2006 12:15 |
CMU HistoryGirl wrote: You know, if this were 5 years ago I could have sworn it was me writing about my sister. We had her in and out of psych wards too. And to be honest, while you may think her parents are being irrational, it's more likely they are just lost. They don't know what to do, because nothing they've tried seems to be helping. I know, that's what happend with my parents and my sister. In the end, Ashely had to decide for herself that she was sick of acting the way she was (she was drinking heavily and cutting herself as well). Mom and Dad were always there to help, but they didn't know what else they could do. There was a while there where we were all sure she was going to kill herself with this behavior. Eventually, she had a "lightbulb" moment. She was riding somewhere with Mom, turned to look at her and said, "Mom, I need help. I don't want to be like this anymore." That was all she needed to accept. We took her back to the psych ward where she'd been before (the doctor there wanted her to come back when she was ready for treatment) and she was there for about two weeks while they put her on medication and counseled her. Today, she's back to normal. She takes her meds regularly, got her diploma and a nurse's assisstant certification, and is holding down a good paying job (more than what I make!) as a nurse's aid in a medical care facility for older adults and other disabled people. She's got wonderful friends and has really turned things around. What's the point in all of this? My sister made the decision to change. Your friend needs to make the decision to change. However, you need to realize you can't make her do that, neither can her parents, and you may need to start accepting the fact that she doesn't want to make it. If she doesn't, you need to cut your losses and move on. Holding on is only going to extend the pain (trust me, I know this one). If you've told her parents about the drug use and everything else, there isn't much else you can do. BTW...you said earlier that most of your friends are like this. Why? It may be time to evaluate your circle of friends. It's possible you are hanging with them because it makes you feel better to provide them with the sense of security and love that they need, but you run a very great risk to yourself in doing so. It sounds like you are a very caring, giving person. But you may also have some self esteem issues that make you crave this type of idea where you need to feel needed by others to feel good about yourself. That isn't healthy. Just a thought. I hope it's not taken as an insult, because it isn't meant to be one.not at all. i know what you mean. i actually have a very high esteem of myself, its just a weird drive for me to help people. i get it from my dad :D. ive just been taught to be a benevolent person and i enjoy it for the most part, its rewarding to know i helped someone, it doesnt nessesarily make me happy. but youre absolutly right. she needs what you said 'a lightbulb' moment. she needs to learn that she isnt helping anything by what shes doing. shes hurting people around her, and im sure her parents irrationality (the stories shes told me) are made up in her head. although her mom aint to sane either :P she really is a good person when shes not like this. the person i met a few years ago was always amazing and caring, and so much fun to hang out with. but all i ever hear now is the same things and im just done with it. she goes into her phases and i cant keep up with it anymore. i think ive done alright with it tho. as i said i havent fed into her s**t and i havent patronized or put her down, nor have i made her or tried to make her change. the best ive done was tell her the truth on what i think should be done, and point out ways to try and make things better. but yeah, she needs an epiphany. yeah most of my friends to some d |
| Lisser 21.12.2006 15:59 |
Donna13 wrote: "...some anonymous morons (yes, I include myself) ..." Thomas Quinn, you are not a moron! I think you need our advice - the doctor is in - 5 cents please.I've got a two for one deal going on!! You're in luck Sparrow. I really don't know what emo is so I can't comment on that (I'm getting old) but since I deal with these situations for a living, I can tell you this.....you can't help someone unless they want your help. Period. Here is some extra info for free....if your friend is over 18 and is in danger of hurting herself or others then someone (if she verbalizes she has a plan to do either), preferably a relative, needs to call 911, have her transmitted to the nearest ER and ask the Dr. to consider a 72 hour hold on her. If she is under 18, then her parents are responsible for tending to her emotional and physical well-being. That is about all you really can do. |
| deleted user 21.12.2006 17:14 |
I know this isn't much help... But I think there are some people who feel they can't get attention any other way. They feel they are worthless and no one will pay attention to them if they exist in a "healthy" state - and that acting "depressed" (which can very well be BEING depressed - not "faking it") is the only thing that will get people to pay attention to them and care about them. I have know, and do know, some people like this. They don't want your help. Because all your "help" will do will be to turn them into an even more worthless person that no one will care about. I don't have any good suggestions, except to be a good friend - praise and congratulate when they do something good from their talents. Compliment them. If she listens to sad and depressing music, it might just feed into her sadness. I suggest replacing all her CDs with copies of "Just Keep Passing the Open Windows" and maybe "Don't Try Suicide" (depending on what you want to accomplish... *cough* *cough*). Of course, that's a joke. Kind of. |
| thomasquinn 32989 21.12.2006 18:28 |
Lisser 1. Emo Genre of softcore punk music that integrates unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who dont smile, high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar rifts with tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped chucks with favorite bands signature, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5 ths of the face at an angle. link Couldn't have said it better myself. |
| Janet 21.12.2006 18:53 |
Lisser, check my profile pic... My son created this, in case you need a visual aid to go along with Thomas Quinn's definition. ;-) |
| thomasquinn 32989 21.12.2006 19:02 |
Damn EMOes. Nothing is sacred. They even name one of their idiotic bands after a GOOD "Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band" song. |
| Sergei. 21.12.2006 19:08 |
I hate emos. Always "The world is against me" and "My life is a shithole." I say we dump all Emos right in the middle of the Sudan or Rwanda for three months and then bring them back. See how much of a shit hole life is over there... @ Sparrow: I'm not calling your friend emo, just adding on to Thomas Quinn's post. :] |
| sparrow 21754 21.12.2006 22:17 |
haha naw, heres a little treat: link brilliant! yeah not a fan of emos. |
| deleted user 21.12.2006 22:52 |
On the topic of emos, I've never actually met a proper emo. I've seen heaps of people who look like emos, but none of them think they are depressed/cut themselves. |
| Killer Queenie 22.12.2006 14:02 |
<b><font color = "crimson"> ThomasQuinn wrote: Lisser 1. Emo Genre of softcore punk music that integrates unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who dont smile, high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar rifts with tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped chucks with favorite bands signature, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5 ths of the face at an angle. link Couldn't have said it better myself.so you are basically saying my best friend is an asshole and yet you have never met her! She doesn't have greasy unwashed hair - infact she washes it EVERDAY! she washes it so much that the die come out! She never wears glasses - only in the summer. She does smile and have a sense on humour. Yeah she listenes to some freeky music and I don't always agree with her in music terms but no-one is the same. and last time I checked she is NOT 17 - she is 14, the same age as me! She never wears jeans or scarfs or sweaters and yet she is an emo!!!! she doesn't repeat: DOES NOT SLIT HER WRISTS!!!!!!!!!!! I am sick to the back teeth of people slaging off emo's and goths. Yeah i listen to rock music and i have black t-shirts and everything but that don't classify me as an emo or goth does it? so maybe you should get your facts straight first. |
| Poo, again 22.12.2006 15:50 |
Emo. |
| Yogurt 23.12.2006 00:11 |
Dude, I've been in depression for about 6 years. I got out of it last year. It took me a while to get out, but I'm way better now that before. I never went to a doctor to get those anti-depressent thingies. It really depends on the person. I never wanted to cause I thought it would make me weak that I had to take medecine to help me out and that would get me more depressed. The only thing that helped me out was a good crowd. I hung out with the most awesomest people in the world! They make me feel good about being myself, and I love them for it! What you can do to help your friend is just being a good friend. sometimes, they may not see the answer, but being there for them is the first step for them to see the light. So that way they know they aren't alone. |
| Killer Queenie 23.12.2006 08:19 |
<font color=pink>Account Deleted wrote: Emo.I don't think you have heard of the saying "don't judge a book by its cover"... because that is what you are doing right now, tarring everyone with same brush. Maybe you should just grow the fuck up and accept people for who they are, not how they dress or what they listen to. And that goes for everyone. I'm sick to the back teeth of my friend screaming and shouting about Chavs and you lot bitching about Emos. If we haven't got anything nice to say - don't say fuck all! |
| sparrow 21754 23.12.2006 14:51 |
Yogurt<br><font size=1>The Artist wrote: Dude, I've been in depression for about 6 years. I got out of it last year. It took me a while to get out, but I'm way better now that before. I never went to a doctor to get those anti-depressent thingies. It really depends on the person. I never wanted to cause I thought it would make me weak that I had to take medecine to help me out and that would get me more depressed. The only thing that helped me out was a good crowd. I hung out with the most awesomest people in the world! They make me feel good about being myself, and I love them for it! What you can do to help your friend is just being a good friend. sometimes, they may not see the answer, but being there for them is the first step for them to see the light. So that way they know they aren't alone.brava! i was in a depression myself for 5 years (i have good reasons....but im not saying that people dont, but anyway) youre right aobut that. but the good people i hang out with makes her 'uncomfortable' and such. she cares WAY to much about waht other people think. i was also lucky to have a loving (and for the most part) supporting family and friends. i only hang out with a select few, the rest i like beng with on social events. she just doesnt need to try and feel popular. she also thinks shes fat (shes bigger than me but i have a small stature so most people next to me feel huge). shes much taller and has thicker bones but shes not fat. and even if people are, who the fuck cares. be happy with yourself thers no need not to. people should love you fo who you are. now then you got the people who are blobs...thats just gross. sorry, but it is, and those people are usually too selfish to care about anyone else. it just comes down to selfishness really. heaven forbid all eyes arent on her for a few minutes. ive been a good friend to her. when she gets out of this mess ill be there for her. for now im just sick of her bullshit. |
| Poo, again 23.12.2006 15:58 |
<font color=0099FF>Killer Queenie wrote:Oh my God, I just got pwnd!<font color=pink>Account Deleted wrote: Emo.I don't think you have heard of the saying "don't judge a book by its cover"... because that is what you are doing right now, tarring everyone with same brush. Maybe you should just grow the fuck up and accept people for who they are, not how they dress or what they listen to. And that goes for everyone. I'm sick to the back teeth of my friend screaming and shouting about Chavs and you lot bitching about Emos. If we haven't got anything nice to say - don't say fuck all! |