| -fatty- 2850 24.04.2005 05:59 |
In 1989 Freddie Mercury passed his cycling proficiency test for the very first time. As a reward he was given a £10 book token by his mum which he spent on a book about cycling holidays in England & Wales. Brian May has enough neck skin to cover three tennis courts. When Roger Taylor was eleven years old he was banned form the Truro branch of Woolworths for masturbating into the pic ‘n’ mix. John Deacon has great difficulty in remembering his cousin Donald’s phone number and as such has had to write it down on the back of an envelope which he keeps next to the phone. Freddie never felt a thing during his cremation as he was thankfully dead at the time. When asked if he was ever confused with match manufacturer Bryant May, Brian replied “No, not really.” Despite being an accomplished racing driver, Roger Taylor still has problems with three point turns and parallel parking. John Deacon hasn’t taken milk or sugar in his tea since 1995. Freddie was hopeless around the house and had to be looked after by a team of round the clock assistants. In 1989 he tried to set the timer on his video to record an episode of ‘One Foot In The Grave’. The ensuing blaze cost the lives of eleven firemen and caused over £1 billion in damages. Much has been made of the fact that Brian May built his ‘Red Special’ guitar using wood from a 100 year old mahogany fireplace. Recent test have revealed that the original fireplace was built using wood from a 200 year old guitar. All Brian had to do was re-string it and change the fuse in the plug. Following his frighteningly convincing portrayal of a sexy schoolgirl in the video for ‘I Want To Break Free’ Roger Taylor is now something of a sex symbol in Japan. Thanks to the countries relaxes attitude to paedophilia Toshiba Kawasake, a 59 year old businessman paid 3 million yen for the same panties Roger wore in the video and he now keeps them in a hermetically sealed room to preserve their pungent aroma. John Deacon keeps his car keys on a special hook in the kitchen of his Surrey mansion. Freddie Mercury was a keen boxer at school and his trainer once said that had Freddie not become a rock star he could have made himself a few quid in the ring. He would have undoubtedly then gone on to do adverts for aftershave, panto at Christmas and ended up in a looney bin after giving er’ indoors a left hook for giving him lip. Brian May was bullied at school. Roger Taylor and Rick Parfitt from Staus Quo were once arrested and jailed following a bar brawl in Monaco. They managed to escape by tunnelling through an eight feet deep solid concrete wall over a period of 17 years. During daylight hours they hid their tunnel behind a poster of Rita Hayworth. John Deacon has a bad habit of putting salt on his food before tasting it and his beautiful wife Veronica often has to remind him of this at mealtimes. At the launch party for the Jazz album in 1977, Freddie Mercury paid a dwarf to walk among the guests with a silver bowl full of cocaine strapped to his head. The dwarf used the money to have constructive surgery and change his name. To this day the 6 foot tall David MacKay denies ever having been at the party. Brian May has bad breath and Anita Dobson has been heard to remark “Jesus Christ Brian! Have you been using shite for toothpaste?” Roger Taylor once gave £100 to a children’s hospital on the condition that he remain anonymous. Sadly the charity still fell well short of the £1 million needed to pay for the building of the ‘Roger Taylor (the drummer out of Queen) Memorial Wing. John Deacon will be spending Christmas at home with his family this year. More Soon fatty. |
| deleted user 24.04.2005 09:35 |
marvelous stuff as always ! Where have you been big man ? - Request - Please , can we have Fatty's take on the British General Election ? |
| Janet 24.04.2005 09:36 |
fatty its SO good to see you again!!! |
| bassist08 24.04.2005 16:02 |
Are any of those for real? Some were quite funny. |
| doremi 24.04.2005 16:05 |
bassist08 wrote: Are any of those for real? Some were quite funny.This one's my favorite...and pretty damn close. As the first half of it IS true and quite infamous to this day. Somehow I don't think the dwarf grew though! LOL! "At the launch party for the Jazz album in 1977, Freddie Mercury paid a dwarf to walk among the guests with a silver bowl full of cocaine strapped to his head. The dwarf used the money to have constructive surgery and change his name. To this day the 6 foot tall David MacKay denies ever having been at the party." |
| Lester Burnham 24.04.2005 16:47 |
Spot on as usual, fatty. Brilliance abounds!
Mr. X wrote: Indead Fatty brilliant. Only one small mistake. Roger became sexually vertille whenn he was 13, and he started to masturbate whenn he was just 14 years old, and till now on he only maturbated in public in Hollywood (next to the George Michael's seat),in central park in the bushes, in the english garends from Munich (A bet with Freddie) and at the kinder garden, further no stores. So the Woolworth thing isn't right...........the fuck did you just say? |
| Gunpowder Gelatine 24.04.2005 18:32 |
fatty wrote: Freddie never felt a thing during his cremation as he was thankfully dead at the time.Well, that's good to know. Thanks for these, fatty, they're great. :) |
| dragonzflame 25.04.2005 05:10 |
bassist08 wrote: Are any of those for real? Some were quite funny.They're ALL for real. |
| Sonia Doris 25.04.2005 08:25 |
wonderful!!! want more! :D |
| *goodco* 25.04.2005 08:49 |
This is all so untrue. The 'Jazz' launch party was in '78. The source you plagerized is not trustworthy. Please, everyone, don't believe any of this!!!! |
| Sonia Doris 25.04.2005 08:56 |
jgoodm wrote: This is all so untrue. The 'Jazz' launch party was in '78. The source you plagerized is not trustworthy. Please, everyone, don't believe any of this!!!!shut up... |
| Lisser 25.04.2005 09:57 |
<font color=#CC0066>Sonia Doris</font> wrote:*high 5 to Sonia*jgoodm wrote: This is all so untrue. The 'Jazz' launch party was in '78. The source you plagerized is not trustworthy. Please, everyone, don't believe any of this!!!!shut up... |
| Erin 25.04.2005 10:31 |
fatty wrote: Much has been made of the fact that Brian May built his ‘Red Special’ guitar using wood from a 100 year old mahogany fireplace. Recent test have revealed that the original fireplace was built using wood from a 200 year old guitar. All Brian had to do was re-string it and change the fuse in the plug.*LMAO* You da man, fatty..;-) |
| Fenderek 25.04.2005 10:32 |
Great you're back! LMAO, as always! |
| Lord Blackadder 25.04.2005 10:38 |
I bow at your greatness Fatty. Especially the toothpaste one. |
| Janet 25.04.2005 11:58 |
We knew it wasn't true because they said it had been within the last 30 minutes, and you had posted in that time frame. |
| Lester Burnham 25.04.2005 15:53 |
<b><font color = "crimson">ThomasQuinn wrote: Interesting...well, I can assure you, ThomasQuinn is alive...I think.Damn. I'll have to be a little more accurate next time. |
| Daburcor? 25.04.2005 16:44 |
"Much has been made of the fact that Brian May built his ‘Red Special’ guitar using wood from a 100 year old mahogany fireplace. Recent test have revealed that the original fireplace was built using wood from a 200 year old guitar. All Brian had to do was re-string it and change the fuse in the plug." Ain't that always the way things go? |
| *goodco* 25.04.2005 20:03 |
I wrote: "The source you plagerized is not trustworthy. Please, everyone, don't believe any of this!!!!" I didn't realize smileys had to be included on a tongue-in-cheek reply to the best tongue-in-cheek poster on this board. Oy |
| The Fairy King 26.04.2005 03:34 |
*sigh* Americans ;) |
| Sonia Doris 26.04.2005 06:13 |
Lester Burnham wrote:you'd better...<b><font color = "crimson">ThomasQuinn wrote: Interesting...well, I can assure you, ThomasQuinn is alive...I think.Damn. I'll have to be a little more accurate next time. |
| LiveAidQueen 26.04.2005 14:59 |
:-D |
| Fairy 26.04.2005 18:09 |
Great, Fatty!!!! Especially the one on Brian's guitar!!! :-)) Thanks for this! Have more such reliable information to share?? LOL Fairy |
| bassist08 26.04.2005 19:51 |
Please don't take me wrong they are hysterical! I just wasn't exactly clear if you were being for real. |
| deleted user 27.04.2005 22:56 |
I'm just gonna go against the tide here by saying that that was the lamest post I have EVER read fatty and you should be ashamed for putting out such unfunny material. Oh, who am I kidding.... ;^) |