| Sir Archie 'Tiffany' Leach 15.03.2004 15:05 |
For example I, Sir Archie, used to work in an electrical shop selling...err...electrical stuff. Well basically a right fuckwit of a customer rang up and was speaking to one of my colleagues, Roxanne*. He wanted to know something technical about ventilation fans. Well Roxanne didn't have a clue (what with being a bit of fluff and all). So she asked Sir Archie the question (I think she secretly wanted a bit). The customer asked who she was talking too and she replied 'Sir Archie'. The customer replied 'What you asking him for he doesn't know the difference between a fan and a fanny**' I was shocked into silence (cos I did know the difference). But later after thinking about it I kicked myself when I thought of a good reply. When tithead customer said 'What you asking him for he doesn't know the difference between a fan and a fanny'. I should have replied, nay roared 'Yes but I know what a cunt looks like'. (For the benefit of Dark I was implying the customer). How I would have laughed at the job centre. I'm glad I've got that off my chest it's been eating me up inside for three years. *names have been changed to protect the innocent ** for US citizens it's what you'd call...err...'a woman's area'. |
| ~Silje~ 15.03.2004 15:34 |
Some years ago, in my former class, I sat next to a deskmate which was not just slightly annoying. Straight behind him, some clever teacher placed his best friend, and they made an "amusing" couple. They spent most of the time talking, sometimes dragging me and another friend of mine into their conversation. So, once the conversation went like this: Guy: *says something about girls and looks* Guy 2: "Yeah, I always look at girls breast, and if it's A-cup I simply don't speak to them no more" *looks at me, who was very flat-chested* Guy 2: "But I'm sure you do the same thing when it comes to a guy's dick, right Silje?" What I should've answered: "Well yeah, that's why I so rarely speak to you." What I answered: I don't know, can't recall, but it was not as good as that! |
| Sir Archie 'Tiffany' Leach 15.03.2004 15:41 |
By jove that's the spirit! Anymore for anymore? |
| deleted user 15.03.2004 15:53 |
People thru my whole life have asked 'Why are you so skinny...are you sick? are you a drug addict?' So the last time some woman asked me that, I had had enough and I told her. "Yes there is something wrong with me. I eat and eat, but I just can't gain any weight. It all goes straight to my cock." The look on her face was priceless. |
| deleted user 15.03.2004 16:19 |
There's one occasion that springs to mind that took place a few years ago. This is a long detailed story, so saddle up... I was at my grandmother's house babysitting two cousins of mine and it just so happened that this carpenter (he's also a preacher and a plumber) was there working on my grandmother's roof. When I was little, when he would see me in public, he'd approach me, pick me up and give me a lingering hug/cuddle, which I hated. For a little kid, this is of course rather frightening, as you don't want unfamiliar men behaving as though you're good chums when you're obviously not. Unfortunately, this lovely hugging/cuddling thing didn't even stop when I got older. Anyway, when he was working on the roof, I made certain to avoid him for the whole time that he was there, but just as I was about to go home I needed to take something into the house (he was inside it). I walked up the path to the house and could see him walking up to me, then I quickly moved to the side, so he could pass. He then took me into a head lock (no kidding) and placed his hand beneath my arm, next to my *ahem* chest area...he said something like "Hey, now you're too big to hide behind your mom! haha" I said "Well isn't that funny, a**hole?" but I can't be sure he heard me. There are a dozen things I wish I'd have said, but they are too rude to post here. ;^) |
| Daburcor? 15.03.2004 16:39 |
As I said before Lil' Bit, You should've said them ALL. ;) |
| inu-liger 15.03.2004 16:45 |
"(For the benefit of Dark I was implying the customer)" Thanks :) |
| Flashman 15.03.2004 18:02 |
You know me - never short of something to say, especially when it comes to belittling folk. I consider it an art form. I remember one time at the golf club, after the Captain's Day dinner, when I was taking this young oik to the cleaners on the billiards table. He had the barefaced affrontery to accuse me of cheating. I was, but that was besides the point. I had no intention of being shown up in front of some of high societies biggest movers and shakers - you never know when you might need to tap a few bob, for bail and the like. Quite a throng had gathered around when he blurted "Sir, you are a cheat and a bounder!" Guilty as charged I may be, but there were ladies present so I had to come up with something decent to make me look good and hopefully increase my already better than even odds of chucking my leg over. Unfortunately, I'd downed one too many sherberts, so I couldn't think of anything better than "Rot you!" as I clubbed him over the head with my cue before being ejected by Big Tony and banned for life. This country! |
| Penetration_Guru 15.03.2004 18:11 |
Spur of the moment put downs I can do all day and all night, but I'd hate to be the kind of sad lonely individual that remembered them. |
| Daburcor? 16.03.2004 05:48 |
There are quite a few things that I wish I'd have said or wish I would say. But they are personal, So they will stay that way. |
| fairy_mercury 16.03.2004 05:48 |
aaah put downs...sarcastic remarks, hey that was what i was born for...too many to remember and i think ive never walked away from a situation where i could've said something better! Oh no there was one situation, but i was crying too much to talk anyways so just gave em a slap! that felt good ;D |
| fairy_mercury 16.03.2004 05:48 |
aaah put downs...sarcastic remarks, hey that was what i was born for...too many to remember and i think ive never walked away from a situation where i could've said something better! Oh no there was one situation, but i was crying too much to talk anyways so just gave em a slap! that felt good ;D |
| Catgoddess 16.03.2004 12:43 |
I always have the gumption. |
| NoOneButYou1975 16.03.2004 12:57 |
I always have the gumption. i tried reaching mine once...:P |
| Sir Archie 'Tiffany' Leach 16.03.2004 15:13 |
Miss James that was a bit rum you nearly swore! You should have kicked him in the jaffas. Tantamount to kiddie fiddling is that. |
| geeksandgeeks 16.03.2004 16:43 |
Last night, several things: 1) "Governor Fletcher, that was the worst speech I've ever heard." 2) "Tell me, Governor Fletcher, if you really care about us so much, why do you keep cutting education funds? 3) "Governor Fletcher, now is not the time to be yipping about taxes." 4) "Governor Fletcher, I d0on't care about basketball, or Murray state, of U of L, or UK, just finish the frickin ceremony so that I can go home..." 5) "Alan, will you go out with me?" |
| Sir Archie 'Tiffany' Leach 16.03.2004 16:49 |
Is Governor Fletcher's first name Alan? |
| NoOneButYou1975 16.03.2004 16:51 |
is Fletcher's hobby making Corny dogs :) :P |
| geeksandgeeks 16.03.2004 17:09 |
Funny. But Governor Fletcher's first name is Ernie. He's the new governor of Kentucky, and he's a moron. |
| Mr.Jingles 16.03.2004 17:10 |
When I used to work at the supermarket I called the customer a bitch. Not to her face though, but I didn't realize that her mother was listening to me. Anyways this lady was screaming at this girl called Dana that I used to work with. Dana was just trying to help her pack her stuff in the best way possible, and she just kept telling her that she wasn't doing it the right way. Then I asked Dana why was that lady being such bitch to her. I didn't realize her mother was still behind me and she stormed out and call her daughter to confront me and then she went to complain to the manager. Anyways, I don't regret calling her a bitch because she was indeed one. I didn't care if it got me fired though. |
| iron eagle 16.03.2004 17:46 |
have some fucking backbone would ya weiny thats what i would say.... on tuesday on weds it could be something totally different |
| NoOneButYou1975 16.03.2004 17:50 |
on weds it could be something totally different eagerly awaits... :) |
| deleted user 16.03.2004 19:10 |
"Miss James that was a bit rum you nearly swore!" - I told you I slip up now and again, Sir Archie. ;^) "You should have kicked him in the jaffas. Tantamount to kiddie fiddling is that." - Oh, believe me - I considered it!! |
| Sir Archie 'Tiffany' Leach 17.03.2004 14:45 |
'When I used to work at the supermarket I called the customer a bitch.' You only had one customer! What a great job! Where can I apply for a life on easy street? |
| Mr Mercury 17.03.2004 17:57 |
Try this one… A friend of mine was telling me once that after a having a real bad day at work, he was standing at a bus stop waiting to go home when a drunk guy started to approach him. “Who the f*ck are you looking at” my friend said. “Oh its got you confused as well has it?” replied the drunk For the first time in his life he was rendered speechless by a drunk!! |