| That guy who digs energy domes 20.04.2006 21:40 |
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for three weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Three weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $18.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very well, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for three weeks for only $18.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" Its about time- A smart blonde joke |
| user name 20.04.2006 21:43 |
Holy shit. That's actually a great idea. |
| mystic_rhythms 21.04.2006 14:42 |
YES! Thank God! It's about time. Something to actually promote blonde girls' intelligence and not dumb them down any further than they already have been. That's gold, man, that works so well. |
| Lisser 21.04.2006 15:00 |
I loved this. Great!!! Thanks for sharing. |
| deleted user 21.04.2006 17:10 |
Ha I like!!!! |
| inthelapofthegods 21.04.2006 17:22 |
Pahahhaha. I love you. That made me smile. And hey look! I'm posting! =P |
| deleted user 21.04.2006 17:24 |
I have a blonde friends, thast not nice what you said about blonde's..wat if you were a blonde? |
| Freya is quietly judging you. 21.04.2006 17:25 |
<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote: I have a blonde friends, thast not nice what you said about blonde's..wat if you were a blonde?Did you bother to read the actual joke? |
| deleted user 21.04.2006 17:26 |
Ive the ind of a blonde and im not offended ^^^^ |
| inthelapofthegods 21.04.2006 17:27 |
<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote: I have a blonde friends, thast not nice what you said about blonde's..wat if you were a blonde?Most blondes have a sense of humour. And the joke was rather flattering. |
| Sherwood Forest 21.04.2006 17:37 |
oh shit ben that was amazing (coming from a blondde) |
| Aisha Sweetness 21.04.2006 17:39 |
Classic joke... |
| mystic_rhythms 21.04.2006 17:54 |
wait...if you're upset about what I said, well...i apologize. I'm not trying to put blondes down; it's just that nowadays everybody has a joke that makes blondes seem dumb. This joke is not like that at all, it doesn't add fuel to the fire, but instead tries to smother the flames. That's why it's so damn good |
| deleted user 21.04.2006 18:02 |
inthelapofthegods <h6>the bored one</h6> wrote:Blonde's dont usually get the joke, coz I have a mate you never gets the joke :S<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote: I have a blonde friends, thast not nice what you said about blonde's..wat if you were a blonde?Most blondes have a sense of humour. And the joke was rather flattering. |
| Carol! the Musical 21.04.2006 18:04 |
<font color=#CC99FF>Poppy wrote:Apparently, she didn't... xloveofmylifex, don't bother to post comments if you didn't read the post.<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote: I have a blonde friends, thast not nice what you said about blonde's..wat if you were a blonde?Did you bother to read the actual joke? |
| blerp 21.04.2006 18:10 |
Clever joke. |
| deleted user 21.04.2006 18:12 |
ChinesedogTorture wrote:I did read it :)<font color=#CC99FF>Poppy wrote:Apparently, she didn't... xloveofmylifex, don't bother to post comments if you didn't read the post.<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote: I have a blonde friends, thast not nice what you said about blonde's..wat if you were a blonde?Did you bother to read the actual joke? I still think its funny, but also its taking the micky out of blondes just because of there HAIR COLOUR doesnt mean someone is dumb or silly or stupid.Just my mate, doesn't get jokes, thats all I said...! |
| Carol! the Musical 21.04.2006 18:27 |
<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote:I'm sorry if I came accross as rude, but what you said didn't really make sense.ChinesedogTorture wrote:I did read it :) I still think its funny, but also its taking the micky out of blondes just because of there HAIR COLOUR doesnt mean someone is dumb or silly or stupid.Just my mate, doesn't get jokes, thats all I said...!<font color=#CC99FF>Poppy wrote:Apparently, she didn't... xloveofmylifex, don't bother to post comments if you didn't read the post.<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote: I have a blonde friends, thast not nice what you said about blonde's..wat if you were a blonde?Did you bother to read the actual joke? "thast not nice what you said about blonde's..wat if you were a blonde?" The joke was about a *smart* blonde, unlike all the other jokes we usually hear. They don't mean blondes are dumb, they're only jokes. I understand if your friend doesn't like them, though. "just because of there HAIR COLOUR doesnt mean someone is dumb or silly or stupid." That joke didn't call any blonde dumb or silly or stupid. :-P |
| deleted user 21.04.2006 20:36 |
64.396 wrote: oh shit ben that was amazing (coming from a blondde)ur a blonde? why ant u upset about what Queen of da wrestler said? hes taking the micky out of you! i would be :( but thank god im not blonde! |
| Carol! the Musical 21.04.2006 21:25 |
<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote:Why would anyone be upset by what he said?? The joke said blondes are *smart*!!! Smart!! Being called *smart* is not "taking the micky out of you"! And what is "but thank god im not blonde!" supposed to mean?... I think *you're* the one "taking a micky out of them"...64.396 wrote: oh shit ben that was amazing (coming from a blondde)ur a blonde? why ant u upset about what Queen of da wrestler said? hes taking the micky out of you! i would be :( but thank god im not blonde! |
| blerp 21.04.2006 21:50 |
Just goes to show that this joke is too big for her She cannot comprehend :p |
| That guy who digs energy domes 21.04.2006 23:09 |
Thank you all I can get more if you'd like. While I'll keep my sources hidden, I have quite a few others in the collection that you may like |
| Lisser 22.04.2006 08:57 |
I really liked that joke, if you've got more..share em! :) |
| deleted user 22.04.2006 09:16 |
Queen Of Wrestling<h6>Jamie's Louvre wrote: Thank you all I can get more if you'd like. While I'll keep my sources hidden, I have quite a few others in the collection that you may likedont thank me i didnt like it ur an insult u r, k? |
| Lisser 22.04.2006 09:46 |
<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote:xloveofmylifex, if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. a 12 yr old has no business acting like such an asshole. That should wait until you're at least 15. Go play outside.Queen Of Wrestling<h6>Jamie's Louvre wrote: Thank you all I can get more if you'd like. While I'll keep my sources hidden, I have quite a few others in the collection that you may likedont thank me i didnt like it ur an insult u r, k? |
| Carol! the Musical 22.04.2006 11:40 |
<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote:Get it through your head that the joke wasn't an insult to blondes. And please improve you grammar and spelling, I can't understand you very well.Queen Of Wrestling<h6>Jamie's Louvre wrote: Thank you all I can get more if you'd like. While I'll keep my sources hidden, I have quite a few others in the collection that you may likedont thank me i didnt like it ur an insult u r, k? |
| That guy who digs energy domes 22.04.2006 13:11 |
<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote:If you read the joke, Im being nice to blondes. This was entitled "The Blonde Joke To End All Blonde Jokes" please read it accordinglyQueen Of Wrestling<h6>Jamie's Louvre wrote: Thank you all I can get more if you'd like. While I'll keep my sources hidden, I have quite a few others in the collection that you may likedont thank me i didnt like it ur an insult u r, k? |
| That guy who digs energy domes 22.04.2006 13:41 |
I call this one 'Getting Old' A ninety-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, where upon the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said: "Jake do we still have intercourse?" Jake answered impatiently, "If I told you once, I told you a thousand times...We have Blue Cross!" |
| Lisser 22.04.2006 13:44 |
bwuahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! |
| That guy who digs energy domes 22.04.2006 13:48 |
Heres a lovely little one called 'Snoring' Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night." The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning." They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long." |
| Sherwood Forest 22.04.2006 13:48 |
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| Sherwood Forest 22.04.2006 13:49 |
<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote:theyre jokes, thats why- i can take a joke. Its not true and i know it because i have a higher GPA than most of the people on here.64.396 wrote: oh shit ben that was amazing (coming from a blondde)ur a blonde? why ant u upset about what Queen of da wrestler said? hes taking the micky out of you! i would be :( but thank god im not blonde! |
| That guy who digs energy domes 22.04.2006 13:49 |
Sorry but heres a bad blonde joke entitled 'The Blonde Cookbook Diary" MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose. |
| That guy who digs energy domes 22.04.2006 13:55 |
Heres one about some naughty catholic girls A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says,"Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her @ss in it." |
| That guy who digs energy domes 22.04.2006 14:07 |
Heres one about a nudist beach Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's!" The mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!" |
| Fraz 22.04.2006 14:14 |
Queen Of Wrestling<h6>Jamie's Louvre wrote: Heres one about a nudist beach Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's!" The mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"haha xD |
| its_a_hard_life 26994 22.04.2006 14:20 |
Queen Of Wrestling<h6>Jamie's Louvre wrote: Heres one about a nudist beach Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's!" The mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"LMAO!!! fantastic! xD |
| flash! 28068 22.04.2006 14:28 |
lol! Clever! I actually know someone stupid... but i think it's just a coincidence that she happens to be blonde aswell. |
| That guy who digs energy domes 22.04.2006 14:47 |
In spite of popular demand, heres one about 'The Little Girl And The Bird" Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?" "A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is Im here." Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire." |
| deleted user 22.04.2006 14:51 |
Lisser wrote:Woo go Lisser,that told the young'n<font color="#CC66FF">xloveofmylifex wrote:xloveofmylifex, if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. a 12 yr old has no business acting like such an asshole. That should wait until you're at least 15. Go play outside.Queen Of Wrestling<h6>Jamie's Louvre wrote: Thank you all I can get more if you'd like. While I'll keep my sources hidden, I have quite a few others in the collection that you may likedont thank me i didnt like it ur an insult u r, k? |
| That guy who digs energy domes 22.04.2006 14:56 |
Heres the last one for today about Pierre the Pilot (my personal favorite) Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, outfor a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!" Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie. "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing. Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!" She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much lower!" Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE F#@K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!" |
| That guy who digs energy domes 22.04.2006 15:04 |
Femenist Jokes- One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb... A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..." "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and pass gas! Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts. Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" |
| Fraz 22.04.2006 15:06 |
lol haha i liked the pierre the pilot joke alot keep em coming queen of wrestling xD |