Waking up with a yawn, Lenin gazed over his vast soviet empire. Heading down to his grand dining hall in Groznyj Grad, he ignored his multiplicity of comrades’ praises. Seeing the hammer and sickle above his table pleased him. Embossed CCCP letters suffused his wall.
“If only those capitalist pigs could see me now.” He thought.
Seating himself at his table, he praised, “now time for a grand candy breakfast!”
Glancing at where there should be three, he saw two. The sight greatly distraught him. At his left he saw M&Ms. To his right were Reeses Pieces. Glancing to the empty bowl in the center he exclaimed, “Where are my SKITTLES?!”
Stalin stepped forward and said, “Great Leader, you ate the last of the skittles last night.”
“But I had my heart set on skittles,” Lenin moaned, “now I’ll have to choose between Reeses Pieces and M&Ms.”
“In my humble opinion,” Stalin said, “you should have the M&Ms”
Suddenly Trotsky ran forward and cried, “No! The dictator’s affinity for peanut butter well outweighs the chocolate inside of an M&M.”
“Yes but neither one can compare to the sweet sugary delight of skittles,” Lenin interjected.
Then former Czar Nicolas interrupted, “But the peanut butter inside the crunchy candy shell should compensate for the lack of sugar.”
Sprinting towards the dining table, Kruschev interrupted, “but my lord! The mundane orange, brown and yellow doesn’t compare to the chocolaty rainbow created by the M&M’s.”
“But Sir Lenin!” Stalin interjected, “M&M’s are guaranteed to melt in your mouth, not in your hand! The Reeses Pieces would surely melt before they reached your lips!”
“What!?” Lenin wailed and pointed to Trotsky screamed, “because of you I almost ate bad candy! You shall be executed!”
In shame, Trotsky was taken away by the executioner. Lenin happily inhaled the bowl of M&M’s. Trying to savor the chocolaty delight of the M&M’s he soon found himself longing peanut butter.
Soon, news rang throughout the Soviet Union about how Lenin had eaten bad candy. When the news rached Trotsky in his cell, the jailer said, “You were right! Now Lenin will have no choice but to forgive you!”
“No,” Trotsky sighed, “I will be executed.”
Back at the CCCP dining hall, Lenin and his comrades lamented overt the situation.
“I’ve imprisioned a just man,” Lenin wept, “and had bad candy because of it. My only hope is to bring him back here and ask him to forgive my rash behavior.”
Suddenly Stalin stepped forward and said, “Oh but when he heard of this tragic incident he jumped up, clapped his hands and said ‘Ha! I knew it! He has eaten bad candy and it’s all because he neglected my advice!’”
“WHAT?!” Lenin screamed, “Have Trotsky executed immediately!”
Trotsky was taken off and shot by a firing squad, having died on the day he predicted his own death. Soon, the chocolate from the M&M’s built up inside Lenin’s arteries and he died of a heart attack. Stalin was left as the heir to the Soviet Union to begin his reign of terror. That is how Joseph Stalin rose to power.