| Munchsack 22.12.2005 15:51 |
During all police investigations it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once. All American telephone numbers begin with the digits 555. If you hide in the ventilation system of a building you can access any part of the building and no-one will ever find you there. Kitchens do not have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, open the fridge and use that light instead. Women should investigate any strange noises at night in their most revealing underwear. Cars never crash without bursting into flames. If you find yourself in an unfortunate situation that could be cleared up with a simple explanation, keep your damn mouth shut. A cough is almost always the sign of a terminal illness. All bombs are fitted with large red displays telling you exactly when the bomb is going to go off. When confronted by a mass murderer or international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons. One man shooting at twenty men has a better chance of killing them all than twenty men shooting at one man. If being fired at, hide in a river. Bullets are unable to penetrate water. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any alien civilization. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if a friend or a member of their family has been killed in a mysterious boating accident. Police Departments issue personality tests to make sure all their officers are assigned partners who are their total opposite. When alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. Any lock can be picked with a paper clip or credit card unless it is the door to a burning room with a child trapped inside it. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child. Having a job of any kind will make fathers forget their son's eighth birthday. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement. (Note to all American QZers: I am not trying to insult you in any way here, unless you are involved in the movie business.) |
| Gunpowder Gelatine 22.12.2005 16:01 |
Haha. But the thing I hate about most movies and television shows is that no one ever says hello or goodbye on the phone! It's so annoying that everyone just picks up and automatically knows who it is. |
| Lester Burnham 22.12.2005 16:07 |
Gunpowder Gelatine wrote: Haha. But the thing I hate about most movies and television shows is that no one ever says hello or goodbye on the phone! It's so annoying that everyone just picks up and automatically knows who it is.On that same note, whenever someone hangs up a phone, there's always a dial tone. In real life, it's just dead air. Get with the program, Hollywood!! |
| doremi 22.12.2005 16:12 |
Also: Anytime a woman runs from danger, she trips over..air. Anytime a woman is left alone in a house with ghosts, a killer, she leaves the lights off, the doors unlocked and refuses to phone for help or leave for help or to save herself. All atomic weapons testing awakens prehistoric dinosaurs but spares the lives of humans (so the dinosaur can eat them!) Everyone driving long distances in rural or desert areas or at night, drives with their gas tank near empty and runs out and there is never a gas station for at least 100 miles. All teenagers at resorts, camp grounds,left alone at home, have wild sex and then get killed by a psycho. |
| jcrawford79 22.12.2005 17:39 |
Munchsack wrote: |
| Mr.Jingles 22.12.2005 18:01 |
Munchsack wrote: One man shooting at twenty men has a better chance of killing them all than twenty men shooting at one man.Reminds me of the first Tim Burton 'Batman' movie. Batman has this big ass flying ship with machine guns aiming for the Joker. Batman proceeds to endlessly shoot the Joker as he approaches him, then the Joker pulls out a revolver and brings down the ship from one single shot. Sorry Tim Burton fans, but that was CRAP. |
| Mr Drowse 23.12.2005 06:07 |
The sheets are especially sized for either men or women. The man's sheet is always just long enough to cover the man's legs, whereas the woman's sheet is long enough to cover her breasts as well. :( |
| Mr.Jingles 23.12.2005 08:20 |
After sex, most men either cuddle up or leave a note on the night stand apologizing. REALITY: Most men fall asleep immediatly after sex and wish not to be bothered. |
| Serry... 23.12.2005 09:01 |
"What American Movies Teach Us" ...that any American actor can become President... Or Governor at least... |
| Mr.Jingles 23.12.2005 09:05 |
Serry... wrote: "What American Movies Teach Us" ...that any American actor can become President... Or Governor at least...REALITY: Any rich white American can become president despite of being a below average student, alcoholic, or drug user. |
| Yogurt 23.12.2005 09:17 |
Hahaha!!!!! Those were hilarious! |
| That guy who digs energy domes 23.12.2005 09:29 |
What do you mean? The Matrix told me I could block bullets! I swear! Im just waiting for Neo to come free my mind from this fake world! |
| Mr.Jingles 23.12.2005 09:43 |
<marquee>Queen Of Wrestling</marquee> wrote: What do you mean? The Matrix told me I could block bullets! I swear! Im just waiting for Neo to come free my mind from this fake world!You didn't take your red pill, didn't you? |
| That guy who digs energy domes 23.12.2005 10:28 |
Mr.Jingles wrote:I ahh...took...um...both...<marquee>Queen Of Wrestling</marquee> wrote: What do you mean? The Matrix told me I could block bullets! I swear! Im just waiting for Neo to come free my mind from this fake world!You didn't take your red pill, didn't you? |
| doremi 23.12.2005 12:20 |
Serry... wrote: "What American Movies Teach Us" ...that any American actor can become President... Or Governor at least...LMAO! ;-) |
| Zander05 24.12.2005 22:21 |
American movies also teach you not to mess with Samuel L Jackson. Anyone who has seen even the first 15 minutes of Pulp Fiction notice this. They also teach you that if you decide to play detective and solve the murder of your friend and/or relative, your boss doesn't seem to mind you taking weeks off of work. Any child under the age of 10 just happens to have what he needs in order to create booby-traps. |
| Zaid 25.12.2005 16:00 |
a man get shot with 20 bullet and live, because he is the hero |
| That guy who digs energy domes 27.12.2005 11:31 |
<font color=FF0099>Linda Of The Valley wrote: xD so true...stupid american movies..:PNoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Dont bash The Matrix! To bend the spoon you must realize that it is not the spoon that bends. There is no spoon, it is yourself. By focusing on your environment, you can bend or break rules like gravity. If you believe in yourself, you can dodge bullets. We dont exist, we're just programs. |
| doremi 27.12.2005 11:39 |
That all martial arts experts living in the ancient Orient can fly in slow motion and dodge daggers and swords. That animated animals can talk. Anytime you shoot, stab, or do anything to kill a psycho, they are impervious to death and keep coming back. That dogs are smarter than people and save the day (ie; Lassie, Lad, Rin Tin Tin) That bad guys usually have a mustache that they twirl, a scar across their fac and laugh at nothing because it makes them sound more maniacal. |
| Mr.Jingles 27.12.2005 11:51 |
The Matrix is one of the very few movies with extremely over the top action sequences that don't look ridiculously unrealistic. The Wachowskis of course came up with the concept of a virtual world in which the same laws of physics of the real world applied, with the exception that these laws could be bent or broken. Sadly, the following two sequels didn't live up to the expectations from the original. Yet, I'm very looking forward for their next flick 'V for Vendetta'. |
| doremi 27.12.2005 12:12 |
Mr.Jingles wrote: The Matrix is one of the very few movies with extremely over the top action sequences that don't look ridiculously unrealistic. The Wachowskis of course came up with the concept of a virtual world in which the same laws of physics of the real world applied, with the exception that these laws could be bent or broken. Sadly, the following two sequels didn't live up to the expectations from the original. Yet, I'm very looking forward for their next flick 'V for Vendetta'.Jingles..we all know the real reason you're looking forward to "V For Vendetta" is to see Natalie Portman's sexy bald head! ;-) |
| Mr.Jingles 27.12.2005 12:17 |
Arlene R. Weiss wrote:I admit she's really hot, but she actually looks a bit creppy bald. However, I really admire her for actually willing to get rid of her hair just to take a role.Mr.Jingles wrote: The Matrix is one of the very few movies with extremely over the top action sequences that don't look ridiculously unrealistic. The Wachowskis of course came up with the concept of a virtual world in which the same laws of physics of the real world applied, with the exception that these laws could be bent or broken. Sadly, the following two sequels didn't live up to the expectations from the original. Yet, I'm very looking forward for their next flick 'V for Vendetta'.Jingles..we all know the real reason you're looking forward to "V For Vendetta" is to see Natalie Portman's sexy bald head! ;-) My girlfriend works at a Barnes & Noble here in Long Island, and Natalie Portman was a spotted there shopping. One of my girlfriend's co-workers was this Star Wars nerd who kept peeking and following her around. Yet, he was too shy to actually ask her for an autograph. |
| That guy who digs energy domes 27.12.2005 12:17 |
The matrix has an excellent concept of Philosophy, going to Descartes's thought of a demon of utmost power feeding an illusion to the people or Plato's cave with the prisoners believing the shadows on the wall are real. But the only parts I dont like are 1. Those unsightly plugs (eww) 2. The Fight scenes that drag on and on(mostly in 3) 3. When Trinity dies :_( |