| _amadeus_ 13.06.2005 22:18 |
FAMOUS LAST WORDS - ___________________ Noo these windows are ok to lean on. Don’t worry it has airbags. Hey what’s that buzzing noise? Don’t worry its not that deep. One time at band camp. No, he doesn’t bite?. Hey look a light at the end of the tunnel. I can pass this guy. My brakes are fine. Nice doggy. I think it's trying to communicate... "Homicidal Tendencies"? Hey, you're Eminem, aren't you? "Na, I don't think we need to go to the hospital." "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." -- Western Union internal memo, 1876. "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962. "So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer. "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." -- Drillers whom Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist in his project to drill for oil in 1859. "No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris." -- Orville Wright. "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." -- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre. "It's a dud! It's a dud! It's a du...". "Don't touch the red button!" Gee, that's a cute tattoo. It's fireproof. What does this button do? So, you're a cannibal. Are you sure the power is off? Pull the pin and count to what? Famous Last Words Which wire was I supposed to cut? I wonder where the mother bear is. I've seen this done on TV. These are the good kind of mushrooms. . I'll hold it and you light the fuse. You look just like Charles Manson Let it down slowly. OK, I'll go ahead and make your day. This doesn't taste right. I can make this light before it changes I can do that with my eyes closed look ma! no hands! Hey that's not a violin. Don't be so superstitious. Now watch this. Famous Last Words "Luke, I lied. Bill Shatner is your real father." -- Darth Vader "A-four and a-three and a-two and a-one..." -- Lawrence Welk "Don't worry about the Rover. That's no cliff." -- NASA techie "And now that I'm running my life support equipment through Windows 95, I'll never have to worry about-- beeeeeeeep..." "I eat guys like you for breakfast!" -- Jeffrey Dahmer "Here I sit all broken-hearted..." -- Elvis Presley "How's he gonna read that magazine rolled up like that?" -- insect "No, dude, this stuff is completely natural and safe, man. That's why it's called 'herbal.'" "Dammit, Lizzie, get off your fat lazy ass and cut me some firewood!" -- Mr. Borden "How many frickin' times do I have to say, 'In the form of a question', people?!?" -- Alex Trebek "Yoko, why don't *you* try to sing one?" "Took your parking space??? Well at least *I* didn't murder my wife and an innocent waiter!" "Gotti, Schmotti -- Get the Hell off my lawn!" Don't worry, I'm sure it's dead by now. Let's split |
| _amadeus_ 13.06.2005 22:19 |
I'd rather be fishing. Executed in electric chair, Louisiana. ~~ Jimmy Glass, d. June 12, 1987. Good people are always so sure they're right. Executed at San Quentin. ~~ Barbara Graham, d. June 3, 1955 I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this. Executed by injection, Oklahoma. ~~ Thomas J. Grasso, d. March 20, 1995. Lock and load. Let's do it. Executed by injection, Texas. ~~ G. W. Green, d. November 12, 1991 You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the Grim Reaper. Executed in California's gas chamber. ~~ Robert Alton Harris, d. April 21, 1992. It is the duty of every good officer to obey any orders given him by his commander-in-chief. (Actual) Shot by British as a spy. ~~ Nathan Hale, American hero, d. 1776 I am innocent, innocent, innocent. Make no mistake about this. I owe society nothing. I am an innocent man and something very wrong is taking place tonight. Executed by injection, Texas. ~~ Lionel Herrera d. May 12, 1993. I don't hold any grudges. This is my doing. Sorry it happened. Executed in electric chair, Indiana. ~~ Steven Judy, d. March 9, 1981 Such is Life Executed by hanging. ~~ Ned Kelly, Australian bushranger, d. 1880 I love you, mom. Executed by injection, Texas. ~~ Clarence Lackey, d. May 20, 1997 Farewell, my children, forever. I go to your Father. Executed by guillotine. Monsieur, I beg your pardon. Spoken to the executioner, after she stepped on his foot. ~~ Marie Antoinette, Queen of France, d. October 16, 1793 Today is a good day to die. I forgive all of you. I hope God does too. Executed by injection, Texas. ~~ Mario Benjamin Murphy, d. September 17, 1997 So the heart be right, it is no matter which way the head lieth. Executed by beheading. ~~ Sir Walter Raleigh, d. October 29, 1618. Well, the Lord is going to get another one. Executed in electric chair, Georgia. ~~ John Eldon Smith, d. December 15, 1983 Capital punishment: them without the capital get the punishment. Executed in electric chair, Florida. ~~ John Spenkelink, d. May 25, 1979 Adios. Executed by injection in Maryland. ~~ John Thanos, d. May 16, 1994 FUNNY ANSWERING MACHINES - __________________________ Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep "Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished." I'm not here, so say goodbye, or leave a message, and I'll reply Like Barney (the purple dinosaur): I'll call you, cause you called me. We're the ______ family. So leave your name and number at the tone. Sorry that we're not at home. "Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can." "Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? you guessed it. Guess what's next? You guessed it..." Roses are red, violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are you The roses have wilted, the violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head The roses stink, sorta like sheep But leave your name, number, and message after the beep The roses are molding, the violets are rotten And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out! "Hello? ...Hello? ...Hellooo? I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak up, I can't hear you... That's 'cuz I'm not home! Leave a message. BEEP." You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone" This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you d |
| _amadeus_ 13.06.2005 22:21 |
DON'T ASK - ___________ Nothing is as easy as it looks. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. Two wrongs are only the beginning. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. Nothing is as easy as it looks. Every solution breeds new problems.. If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Trust everybody ... then cut the cards. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. Everything takes longer than you think.. Two wrongs are only the beginning. |
| Yogurt 13.06.2005 22:28 |
My answering matching says, "Hi! I'm Jeannette. Ok, now you say something." |
| _amadeus_ 13.06.2005 22:30 |
:D |
| Erin 14.06.2005 09:49 |
ouch |
| PieterMC 14.06.2005 09:59 |
Come and rock me amadeus Amadeus, amadeus... |
| _amadeus_ 14.06.2005 11:49 |
<b><font color = "crimson">ThomasQuinn wrote: You really need a life.Theres something on a computer that lets you copy something long and then paste it ;) |
| inu-liger 14.06.2005 20:47 |
I love this one!: Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. .... That's gonna be my next cell phone voice mail answering message (if it'll hold that much!) |
| _amadeus_ 14.06.2005 20:55 |
:D I've seen that one before :D |