| carboengine 27.11.2005 00:58 |
CHAPTER 1 "Goddamned mice," thought Stella as she stood shaking on the chair in her messy kitchen. SNAP! and then another SNAP! Two down, and how many to go? |
| Forever88 27.11.2005 07:25 |
After bludgeoning all the mice to death with her blunt knife, she decided on cooking a fine stew. Plopping each mouse's mangled little body into her slow cooker, she set about collecting some vegetables. |
| Haystacks Calhoun 27.11.2005 09:15 |
As she went out to the vegetable garden, she spotted a strange looking fellow, on his knees, burrowing feverishly in the turnips. "Who are you, and what do you think you are doing?", cried Stella. |
| Freya is quietly judging you. 27.11.2005 09:23 |
'oh i'm sorry' said the man, 'i was just looking for my bass guitar, my friends hid it you see, my name's John' |
| Sergei. 27.11.2005 10:56 |
Stella returned to her house with her turnips. She looked into the slowcooker and checked on the status of the simmering mice. Grease was popping and bubbling everywhere, and Stella decided that she should take the mice off the burner. She mixed them with diced turnips and sat down to eat, listening to to slipknot and reading Uncut magazine. The doorbell rang and it was John again. |
| Sergei. 27.11.2005 10:56 |
oh sorry that was 5 sentences. :P |
| carboengine 27.11.2005 11:47 |
".... 25 bean burritos. Oh, what is that other lovely smell?" said John. "It is mouse-turnip stew from Peter Freestone's cookbook 'Cooking For A Legend,' " said Stella. "Would you like some?" |
| Sergei. 27.11.2005 12:25 |
"I'm sorry, but turnips give me gas," John said. "Oh, but you must have some! I can't eat it all by myself!" Stella said. "What's a little gas?" "You don't know my farts," John said, "The air turns green and i kill every living thing around me......." |
| Forever88 27.11.2005 15:39 |
She looked down to see instead of hands, he had several tropical fruits stuck on spoons... |
| Freya is quietly judging you. 27.11.2005 15:48 |
Just then there was another knock at the door, it was none other than ... |
| Forever88 27.11.2005 18:37 |
he had a stroke and died there and then. |
| Smitty 27.11.2005 21:03 |
Then suddenly the Super Gecko came (da da-da-da) and set fire to Bryans Permed Pants. He dropped the torch, set flight and ran into... |
| Gunpowder Gelatine 27.11.2005 23:17 |
a turkey, on the run so he wouldn't become Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey was accompanied by... |
| inu-liger 27.11.2005 23:45 |
...none other than Pikachu, who was also running, trying to desperately escape his contract from Nintendo. The turkey said... |
| Music Man 27.11.2005 23:51 |
"Stella!" |
| Haystacks Calhoun 28.11.2005 09:25 |
..Charles Baer, stark naked, peeling potatoes while speaking in tongues quite delicately to no one in particular. |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 28.11.2005 10:06 |
Charles Baer began to open a can of peanut butter and spread it on his armpits. "Boy oh boy!" announced a voice. It was Bill Clinton, and he was just coming back from a nice day of... |
| Freya is quietly judging you. 28.11.2005 13:06 |
Drinking tea at John Deacons tea party. John Deacon had decided to... |
| carboengine 28.11.2005 14:32 |
had just eaten mouse-turnip stew at Stella's home from a recipe Stella had found in Peter Freestone's new cookbook, Cooking For A Legend. George Bush said, "Laura has that cookbook, too, but Stella did not read the title right. It is called Cooking For A Legend's Cats! END OF CHAPTER 1 _________________________________ CHAPTER 2 Sandra was thrilled she got the job. She had always dreamed about driving the Oscar Mayer weinermobile across the country. She, however, did not reveal to her employer that ... |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 28.11.2005 16:23 |
Suddenly, she realized that a huge... |
| jasen101 28.11.2005 21:41 |
...Cow was grazing in the field. She looked carefully and realized that is was in fact Oprah, and not a cow...she stopped and said... |
| Forever88 29.11.2005 15:25 |
...Dr. Phil. He replied it was the newest diet craze invented by fitness guru... |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 29.11.2005 16:17 |
RuPaul, and... |
| carboengine 29.11.2005 17:44 |
... Dr. Phil confessed to Oprah that he was sick and tired of those whining, pissant people that came on his show, and he wished they would all go on Jerry Springer's show and be pummelled to death. "Then what would you do for a living?" said Oprah. "Well, I have always dreamed about driving the weinermobile, only I would put a bulletproof, see-through dome on it so George Bush and the Pope could ride along and wave to the fans." And saying that, Dr. Phil rushed over to the weinermobile and .... |
| Haystacks Calhoun 29.11.2005 18:03 |
without thinking, scratched his fat ass and yelled "Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid." He proceeded to dive behind the wheel, fired the engine up, and proceeded to do donuts in the field. Oprah yelled out over the cacophony of squealing tires "..... |
| Forever88 29.11.2005 19:03 |
...Oh Carol!!!... |
| Sergei. 29.11.2005 19:06 |
..."Mr. Cruise, do stop jumping on my couches. It's getting very old, dear." Tom climbed out of the car and...... |
| carboengine 30.11.2005 12:33 |
.... the black one I bought off of Ebay from Monica Lewinski. Gosh, it's hot out here, and all that is left in the cooler are Oscar Mayer weiners (too bad I am a vegetarian) and a can of ... |
| FriedChicken 30.11.2005 12:34 |
...Frisbees, which were thrown into the air by no other than... |
| spymyshadow 30.11.2005 12:50 |
to have a wank, but the cd skipped and the magic was off. 'What can I do?' |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 30.11.2005 16:23 |
"Here is a ticket to the Masturbation Nation," said a voice. It was a small multi-colored elf. "If you go there, everyone masturbates all day long." And so he got on a plane and... |
| Haystacks Calhoun 30.11.2005 23:09 |
piloted it, himself, to Nepal, where he was going to attend Sherpa Masturbation School, which wa one of the schools listed on the ticket. On the way, Mr. Glitter noticed some... |
| Freya is quietly judging you. 01.12.2005 12:59 |
the day got even better, Penetration_Guru fell in a ditch |
| carboengine 01.12.2005 13:26 |
A crowd began to gather, and half of them wanted to help P_G get out, but the other half wanted to ... |
| Freya is quietly judging you. 01.12.2005 13:30 |
stamp on him. |
| Haystacks Calhoun 01.12.2005 19:13 |
"It is George Bush's fault that my panties are in such a twist", and then proceeded to cover herself in Gouda Cheese. P_G, now suprisingly aroused by this turn of events, shouted "... |
| spymyshadow 02.12.2005 08:56 |
going out with great king rat doesn't make your cheese first class, so please, get a life! But the great king rat came, and said..... |
| carboengine 02.12.2005 11:55 |
... fiddle dee dee. I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies. I don't know why I told such a lie. Oh, Miss Scarlett, Miss Scarlett, I .......... |
| Yogurt 05.12.2005 21:10 |
"I see you when you're sleeping I know when you're awake. I know when you've been good or bad Alex" ;) Alex turned to Yogurt and screamed, "... |
| deleted user 05.12.2005 21:12 |
"CORN!" as he blasted off into the distance on his scooter... |
| coppernite 06.12.2005 16:32 |
Soon, however, poor Alex met his demise as his scooter crashed. This was do to the sudden return of JOhn, whom dashed across the road infront of him wearing... |
| carboengine 06.12.2005 16:38 |
a rubber chicken on his head and |
| Knute 07.12.2005 02:30 |
a diaper covered in reflective tape. The headlight on Alex's Vespa beamed directly onto John's luminescent underoo's and Alex was momentarily blinded. He never saw the.. |
| Sergei. 02.03.2006 17:34 |
Finale episode of friends, but could only hear Matt Leblanc's irksome jokes as he writhed in pain from the tedium of it all. THE END (?) [lol just thought I might finish it once and for all :-P] |
| -luke_taylor- 28432 02.03.2006 17:40 |
we demand a sequel |
| Forever88 02.03.2006 19:35 |
-Luke_Taylor- wrote: we demand a sequelRight. The QZ Novel 2. Once there was a small shrewish man. He never left his run down shack. He managed to survive by... |
| Sergei. 03.03.2006 15:48 |
Burning used orange peels for heat and making salad out of the shrubbery growing though the cracks in his walls. One day, he ran out of shrubbery and orange peels, so he was forced to leave the shack.... |
| Munchsack 04.03.2006 03:57 |
...to nip round to Tescos where he discovered that his credit card was out of date and he also ran into Paul Merton. Paul invited him back to his place and... |
| deleted user 04.03.2006 08:44 |
to eat caviare(SP?) and to intoduce him to his best friend Jonathan Depp.The shrewish man was hypnotised by Depps masmerizing deep brown eyes when he arrived at the house...... |
| Forever88 04.03.2006 09:55 |
he found the bathroom ransacked and filled with cheeses of the 14th dynasty, to which he said... |
| flash! 28068 04.03.2006 10:16 |
"ALMIGHTY CHEESES...WE BOW BEFORE YOU TO BE OUR NEW RULER...ALL HAIL ALMIGHTY CHEESES..." |
| Sergei. 04.03.2006 11:04 |
And he, um~made a pimiento sandwich on pita bread with clover sprouts. (?) |
| Jesspit 04.03.2006 11:35 |
wich was stolen by a little green man dressed as a washing machine!!! |
| Smitty 04.03.2006 11:39 |
...who them tripped over a skateboard, fell into a vat of hazardous waste, and re-emerged as Plato! |
| rc 04.03.2006 18:27 |
Brian May suddenly appeared and demanded his washing machine costume back, hazardous waste and all. |
| blerp 04.03.2006 18:56 |
No one would reply to Brian, so he commenced into playing a queer Irish ditty on his guitar. Bob Dylan then came by with a cig in his mouth... |
| Munchsack 05.03.2006 03:53 |
and another in his ear. Brian asked Dylan if he knew a good bass player who would be willing to play on the Queen + Paul Rodgers studio album. Dylan asked "What about the original Queen bass player...erm...um...what's his name again?" "Don't ask me!" said Brian. Just then, Ian Hislop turned up at the door, collecting money for "Help The Bald"... |
| Sergei. 05.03.2006 12:47 |
"And we also take donations of hair, my friends, if you haven't any money to spare." he said humbly as he caught sight of Brians pouf of hair and began to salivate... |
| blerp 05.03.2006 19:52 |
Brian then became very angry at the sight of someone getting turned on by his hair. "Pervert!" shouted Brian, and, snatching the cigarette out of Dylan's ear, walked away. |
| coppernite 06.03.2006 10:36 |
|
| Munchsack 06.03.2006 10:48 |
Munchsack viciously attacked Sasha for cutting off the previous chapter in mid-sentence. |
| The Fairy King 06.03.2006 10:59 |
...Cabbage, who fell and broke his leafes and faced an untimely death. When this piece of vegetable faced Satan, he... |
| Munchsack 06.03.2006 15:08 |
Ian Hislop arrived, collecting money for 'Help The Bald'. |
| blerp 06.03.2006 17:26 |
Ian walked around aimlessly, desperately hoping to find one generous Queenzoner to donate some hair, or money (he begins to salivate again at the thought of hair). He then came upon Munchsack, sitting on the floor with his legs crossed, eating a BLT and snapping his fingers. |
| deleted user 06.03.2006 19:08 |
Munshack swallowed the BLT, and cried " Here Boy!" Suddenly Richard Orchard came running in, screaming that they needed to start an alliance of Queenzoners to stop the B.P.P mafia that plotted to kill Paul Rodgers. |
| Smitty 06.03.2006 20:55 |
He then woke up from that terrible dream. As he sat up he glanced out of the window at the large pink elephant outside. He went to walk closer to the window to capture a glimpse of this great pink beast when he tripped over a large... dog? link |
| Munchsack 07.03.2006 08:20 |
NEWSFLASH: Munchsack don't eat none BLTs. Munchsack be one vegetarian. Munchsack do eat triangularly-cut cheese and onion sandwiches. And chips. And chocolate. And pizza. And garlic bread. And curry. And cheese. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. |
| Munchsack 07.03.2006 08:38 |
Suddenly, a blinding flash of light blinded everybody in the vicinity. Ian Hislop screamed in terror as he is afraid of the light (being a nocturnal creature) and retreated to his hidey hole. Munchsack looked up from his seventh king size Mars bar of the previous half hour to see... |
| blerp 07.03.2006 19:45 |
Hahahahaha!! ...not chocolate, but a weird brown paste, which turned out to be henna tattoo paste. "Gross!" yelled Munchsack. Then an androgynous alien look-a-like of David Bowie ran by and devoured the rest of the Uranus bars. Disgusting. |
| coppernite 09.03.2006 09:26 |
After finishing off all the Uranus Bars, Bowie said.... |