| -fatty- 2850 25.07.2004 16:42 |
I have just returned from one of my frequent trips to the future and I came across a new feature on Queenzone. An obituary section. I realise that not everybody wants to hear about their own deaths as it it can take the fun out of your remaining years (or weeks in Harvey Goldsmith's case) but some of them were really interesting. With that in mind, I have decided to withold the actual dates. I hope you enjoy these. BOB THE SHREK Following years of prolonged agony at the hands of a mystery illness which causes ones internal organs to develop large painful boils that burst causing blood poisoning and a truly horrible death, Jake Britt finally died at home on xx/xx/xx with his countless imaginary friends by his side. Not that anyone cares mind you. The sad news however is that Mr Robert Shrek, upon hearing the news laughed so much that he suffered a severe splitting of the sides and his head fell off. Mr Shrek leaves behing a big fucking Harley and an almost full pack of fags. BRANDON After being bitten by venomous snakes on an almost daily basis for over sixty years, Brandon succumbed to an illness brought on by an allergy to a new type of band aid on xx/xx/xx. Brandon leaves behind four ex-wives, 22 children and a banjo. FLASHMAN The entire world was plunged into mourning on xx/xx/xx when officials posted a notice on the gates of the Reform Club that Lord Flashman had passed way peacefully in someone elses bed. His Royal Majesty King William has ordered that all flags in the country be lowered and a state of mourning lasting no more than seven years will begin on Tuesday. Sir Elton John has been removed form his chryogenic tank to re-write his hit song 'Goodye Yellow Brick Road' in an ever lasting tribute to the late great Flashman. It will be called 'Goodbye You Drunken Old Toad' and will be sold to raise funds for a 700 foot high solid gold statue to be erected in the centre of Hyde Park. The funeral will be a private family affair well away from working class oinks but should young women want to throw themselves off tall biuldings as a sign of grief, that will be acceptable. FREDDIE VTB Within 24 hours of releasing a statement in which he revealed that he had been diagnosed as having a slight cold, Freddie VTB passed away surrounded by close friends on 24/11/xx at his home in Holland. His funeral will be held next week and is to be a private ceremony conducted in Parsee and include musical tributes from Montseratte Cabelle and Aretha Franklin. A tribute concert at Wembley Stadium is expected to be announced later in the year although no bugger is expected to turn up for it. BANQUO After being killed by the swords of a thousand men on xx/xx/xx, Banquo will be thrown out with the bath water at a ceremony to which all friend and family are invited. TED SMEGMA On xx/xx/xx Ted Smegma was killed by a gang of Scottish Rastafarian Queen Fans he caught stealing from his shop. Ted had suffered for years at the hands of these thugs and on several occasions asked for assistance on this very web site. Queenzoners should hang their heads in shame for not waking up and smelling the coffee sooner. DARK MYUUTWO Dark passed away on xx/xx/xx after contracting blood poisoning from a paper cut inflicted by a Pokemon card. Dark succesfully sued the makers of Pokemon and won close to one billion dollars in damages. Sadly he spent every last cent on more Pokemon cards and couldn't afford the tube of Germoline that would have no doubt saved his life. PENETRATION GURU Years of smoking in dark corners took their toll and Penetration Guru died on xx/xx/xx as a result of lung cancer and vitiman D defficiency. MISS JAMES Crushed to death under 4 metric tonnes of birthday cards on xx/xx/xx. Family flowers only. CHARLES BAER Ah Yeah. FATTY For the eighth time in the past two years, Fatty has faked his death in an attempt to avoid paying a fine he recieved at Edinburgh Sherrif Court for public decency offence |
| Matti 25.07.2004 16:58 |
R.I.P. |
| Rien 25.07.2004 17:27 |
Why did you post this garbage in the Queen section? |
| Penetration_Guru 25.07.2004 17:29 |
If you're reading this message it means I'm back to mess with your head.... |
| the oppositionist 25.07.2004 18:30 |
lmfao fatty! your death will mark a sad day in queenzones history indeed. who could ever replace you?! |
| rhapsody__87 25.07.2004 19:28 |
Ooh, Fatty, do my obituary! |
| Brandon 25.07.2004 19:44 |
That is outrageous, Fatty!! Shows incredibly poor taste! You know my Banjo will be buried with me. And probably one of my ex-wives too. I mean, what good is a woman anyway once her husband is gone anyway? PS: Am I the only one who feels honored when remembered by Fatty? Especially considering I was bitten by the snake ages ago!! |
| Plengel 25.07.2004 19:49 |
Wonderful!! I liked the TED and the Dark ones :) |
| Daburcor? 25.07.2004 20:27 |
Funny as always fatty. I can't wait to read more (if you have them). |
| Sir Archie 'Tiffany' Leach 25.07.2004 20:30 |
Top rate old fellow (you really do have too much time on your hands). |
| frejorobri 26.07.2004 01:17 |
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| Banquo 26.07.2004 11:40 |
I wanted to go leading a group of Estate Agents and Accountants to the Aztec Zone. Ah well. Being killed in a sword-fight is one hell of a way to go. |
| Brian_Mays_Wig 26.07.2004 11:42 |
Where the fucks my OB you twat? :D |
| inu-liger 26.07.2004 12:10 |
I'll have to say, I actually liked my obituary! I also found Charles Baer's obit really funny |
| queenrocks! 10902 26.07.2004 13:21 |
Hey fatty can you do a obituary for me please! |
| geeksandgeeks 26.07.2004 16:10 |
O_O That was by far one of the most disturbing things I have ever read. You crazy sicko, you! ;) |
| Flashman 26.07.2004 16:20 |
I might have known I'd pop 'em rogering some lusty young sort, but hopefully not for a while. Mind you, I was clutching my heart t'other week riding a feisty Irish redhead and I'll admit it wasn't a pleasant feeling. Luckily, it turned out to be just wind. Nasty affair - almost blew my hat off. |
| Daburcor? 26.07.2004 19:44 |
Me. |
| Pluto 26.07.2004 20:40 |
lol thoes were great |
| FriedChicken 26.07.2004 20:52 |
great work Fatty, as usual |
| deleted user 26.07.2004 20:56 |
*giggle* Good stuff, fatty. |
| Daburcor? 26.07.2004 21:30 |
Miss James wrote: *giggle* Good stuff, fatty.Hey! Drop me a line young lady! |
| frejorobri 27.07.2004 20:57 |
Yes,they're quite funny,Fatty darling. |
| frejorobri 27.07.2004 21:04 |
And why hasn't Fatty created mine? I feel so left out:( |
| frejorobri 27.07.2004 21:21 |
Me or Fatty?? |
| frejorobri 27.07.2004 21:31 |
I think we should leave this to Fatty. Where is Fatty btw? Hey Faaattyyyyy!..... |
| frejorobri 27.07.2004 21:50 |
OK. Thomas Quinn died last night in his Netherlands home. The cause of death was a massive heart attack from making too much dirty with his wife(58+ times that evening). He leaves behind a very...very satisfied wife,15 kids,and an extensive Queen Collection which he leaves solely to It's Me Freddie Mercury. Assuming of course that he's MUCH older than 16. There you go..........Me? |
| frejorobri 27.07.2004 22:05 |
LOL |
| frejorobri 27.07.2004 22:24 |
Well,what did you think of mine,dear?? |
| frejorobri 27.07.2004 22:48 |
I know-it was my first obituary. We need Fatty. Where is that Fat Guy anyway?? |