Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away So, it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer.
'Ok Roy give me the bottle opener'
'I didn't bring it' says Roy
'I thought you packed it' Mick gets worried,
He turns to Andy, 'Did you bring the bottle opener?'
Naturally Andy didn't bring it.
So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after
they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.
So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace.
20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts,
'I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING!'
Blonde's looking herself in the mirror and says to another blonde; "This is my picture." and another blonde says; "Let me see!". She looks at it and says; "Oh my... Your ugly...."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAAAAA!!!!!!
It's not funny. -.-
3 old man talking...
First one says: "I have a best memory, I remember what happened in kinder-garden"
Second one says: "I have best memory in here, I remember what happened in maternity ward.
Third one says: "Fuck you two, I remember the party when I came with my daddy and left with my mommy."
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."