| eenaweena 19.12.2006 07:37 |
you guys can post corny joke here, if you just want to laugh, or if you're very bored, or if you wanna share your jokes. i'll start. tenacious - shoes you use for tennis cattle - where the princes and princesses live devastation - where you ride the bus statue - is that you? tissue - it is you! (i'm not racist, okay!) what do you use to blindfold a chinese man? dental floss. |
| The Fairy King 19.12.2006 07:50 |
invu - i envy you <3 |
| Eviltwin 19.12.2006 09:33 |
okay...A Christmas joke. Three dudes die and go to the pearly gates... St Peter says, "in order to get in you have to produce something symbolic to Christmas and the birth of Christ. The first guy produces a lighter...and says, "this symbolises the lighting of a candle" St. Peter lets him in. The second guy produces his car keys and jingles them...and says, "these symbolize the bells of Christmas" St. Peter lets him in. The third guy pulls a pair of ladies panties from his pocket and holds them up. St Peter says....okay, what are these supposed to symbolize? The guy says.........."They're Carols" xD |
| eenaweena 19.12.2006 09:56 |
^haha!!!! nice one!!!! |
| Bob The Shrek 19.12.2006 12:31 |
I was at the ATM earlier, getting some money out, when a little, grey haired pensioner asked if I would mind checking her balance - so I pushed the old bitch over. |
| Rick 19.12.2006 12:54 |
Okay. A rabbit, a dog and a bear are forced to join the army, but they don't want to, so they need an excuse. First the rabbit. Rabbit: "What excuse do I need?" Dog: "Cut off your ears, I mean, a rabbit without ears isn't a rabbit." So he does and it worked, he was rejected from army due to his missing ears. Second the dog. Dog: "And what excuse do I need?" Bear: "Cut off your tail. A dog who can't whip his tail, isn't a dog" So he does and this time it worked too. He was rejected due to his missing tail. And finally the bear. Bear: "Okay and what is a good solution for my problem?" Rabbit: "Hmm, somebody needs to remove all of your teeth. A bear without teeth isn't a bear, you know." So it happened. After a while he returns to his friends. Rabbit and Dog: "And?" Bear (with sheer pain in his mouth): "I'm rejected too. I am too heavy." |
| Dances With Freddie 19.12.2006 15:59 |
aaw poor bear :( this one's really stupid: two boys (let's name them Olly and Bolly), were going to the market to buy ham for dinner. their very strict and grumphy dad had given them money. when they came to the market they just couldn't resist spending all of the money on candy. Olly and Bolly went home with no dinner, and naturally, their father got extremely mad and gave them a spanking. the next day, the boys were sent to the market again (with sore bottoms) to buy ham for dinner. Olly and Bolly saw the candy.... and just couldn't help themselves. they so badly wanted the candy and spent all of their dad's money. "jeez,this surely sucks," said Ollie, knewing their father would give them a serious spanking when they got home without the ham. "so what are we going to do?" asked Bolly. "I have an idea" replied Olly. "let's cut our bottoms off and wrap them in paper. our dad will think it's ham." "oh what a lovely idea!" so they did. it hurt, but the thought of their angry father was worse than any pain... when they got home their dad cooked the ham for dinner and everybody was happy. the next week, their dad gave them money to go to the market again. Olly and Bolly promised themselves to not even look in the direction of the candy stall, but of course... they spent all of the money on candy. what brats. they realised what they'd just done and cried all the way home. their aggressive father got seriously mad and told them crying would do them no good. he pulled down their trousers to give them the worst spanking ever..... but where was the botteys...? (and where the heck is the punchline I just realise... :/ but it's a corny joke, nevertheless!) oh well, never mind.... it's a cute story, isn't it? |
| blerp 19.12.2006 20:20 |
1. So there's a blind guy walking through the park with his seeing-eye dog. All of a sudden, the guy starts swinging the dog around in circles! Another guy comes over and says, 'What're you doing??' And the blind guy replies, 'Oh, just having a look around.' 2. A very important company president is in great distress, due to the fact that his business is going pretty much down... Sitting at his desk, his secretary comes in and says, 'Sir, the Invisible Man is here to see you.' He waves her away and says, 'Tell him I can't see him right now.' !!! Oh, here are a few from my music tech class, from my VERY corny teacher: (After all of us messing up on our rhythms) 'You guys are rushin'! I thought you were American! Ah-her her her!' (Interrupts us while working at our stations, singing to us, you know.) 'You're a mean one, Mister Grinch! You've got termites in your soul!...Lately the song has been stuck in my head - but the three words that describe you are stink! Stank! Stunk!...What? You guys don't remember the Grinch?!' |
| sparrow 21754 19.12.2006 21:26 |
a guy walks into a bar and the other one ducked. |
| iGSM 19.12.2006 21:35 |
A neutron walks in to a bar. He says 'How much for a beer?'. The barkeeper looks at him and says 'For you? No charge' BADOOMFUCKINGCHISH! |
| Bob The Shrek 19.12.2006 21:50 |
Two old ladies on a park bench and a streaker runs by - one had a stroke, the other missed. |
| Eviltwin 20.12.2006 08:42 |
A horse walks into the bar.... The bartender says..."why the long face?" |
| Vincent. 20.12.2006 16:56 |
I just ate some laffy taffy and this is what was on the wrapper.... It is the corniest of corny. How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer! :P |
| deleted user 20.12.2006 17:33 |
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? damn |
| deleted user 20.12.2006 17:33 |
<font color=#FFFFFF>The Invisible Man wrote: What did the fish say when it hit the wall? damnI still don't get it XD |
| iGSM 20.12.2006 19:41 |
Heathen fish is the joke. |
| The prophet's song 20.12.2006 22:46 |
This actually happened, which makes it sooo much funnier. In health we were learning about the male reprouctive system, Mr C was naming everything on the board when he said "...this is the scrotum" when a girl pipes up "Isn't that the scroggin?" to which Mr C replies "No, thats a different set of nuts all together" XD hahahaha! And now for the corniest joke you'll ever hear: Q. Whats big, blue carries a box of tissues? A.The incredible sulk |
| iGSM 20.12.2006 23:59 |
I enjoy jokes. |
| Banquo 21.12.2006 03:42 |
A woman with no arms has just won a stawberry picking contest.................Jammy Twat. A White Horse walks into a bar the Landlord says "We have a Whisky named after you" the horse replies "What, Dobbin?" |
| Rick 21.12.2006 03:51 |
It's black and it's hanging on the ceiling. A blonde electrician. |
| 7 seas of Rhye 21.12.2006 17:13 |
What side of a turky has the most feathers? The inside, silly! This one is so stupid but I love it: There was once a flower shop run by two friars. Everyone in town would go to their flower shop because it was run by holy men. The other florists of the town became jealous. They hired a hitman named Hue and he killed the two friars. The moral of the story is "Only Hue can prevent florists friars." |
| blerp 21.12.2006 17:21 |
7 seas of Rhye wrote: This one is so stupid but I love it: There was once a flower shop run by two friars. Everyone in town would go to their flower shop because it was run by holy men. The other florists of the town became jealous. They hired a hitman named Hue and he killed the two friars. The moral of the story is "Only Hue can prevent florists friars."Good gawd. XD |
| The prophet's song 21.12.2006 18:11 |
And now for a round of no arms and no legs! What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea? Bob What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs on the barbeque? Patty What do you call a man with no arms and no legs with rabbits up his backside? Warren |
| Sergei. 21.12.2006 18:34 |
Here's a corny one of all corn-ness, if you may... a long way to the punchline, sorry. :P: Once, a psycho therapist was setting up his office and was planning a sign to put out in front of his office. He wanted the sign to read: "Psycho Therapist: Specializes in Children and Adolescents." But he realized that the sign was too big to put all on one panel. So he broke it up into Four panels and, since he was very busy, paid a homeless man 25 dollars to put it up. After about two weeks and having no clients, the man begins to wonder what is wrong. People looked at him funny when he came out of his office and once a woman with her child saw him and said to the child, "Run! Run as fast as you can! Run all the way home!" So the therapist thought maybe the homeless man had tricked him or simply made a mistake in putting up the sign. So he looked at the sign in front of his building and this is what it said, in four evenly spaced out panels: PSYCHO THE RAPIST: Specializes in Children and Adolescents. |
| The prophet's song 21.12.2006 21:43 |
^ XD that's a good one! Here's another doctor one There once was a man who was convinced he was a moth. He went to find help so he went to the mechanic, and said "I think I'm a moth and I don't know what to do". The mechanic replied "Well I can't really help you there, why don't you go see a doctor?", to which the moth man said "I know you can't help me, but you have your light on..." |
| deleted user 21.12.2006 21:53 |
LOL. Another one on doctors... So once this dude goes to a doctor...and he tells him..."Doc, I think I have a problem"...The doctor replies "Can you tell me what you think it is?" Guy: "No...I don't know what's wrong with me"...Doctor: "Okay...let's take some ink blot tests to find out" Doctor: What do you see in this picture? Guy: Sex... Doctor: Okay...what do you see in this ink-blot? Guy: 69...sex...sex...sex. Doctor: Meh...This one? :O Guy: Sexxx...O_O Doctor: Well young man, it appears your problem is that you are obsessed with sex. Guy: No I'm not...you're the one showing all of the dirty pictures. LOL. XD |
| carboengine 21.12.2006 22:08 |
A woman filled up her car at a self-service gas station. She went into the store to pay, and the cashier said, "What number pump are you on?" She said, "I think it said 87." |
| sparrow 21754 21.12.2006 22:11 |
The prophet's song wrote: And now for a round of no arms and no legs! What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea? Bob What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs on the barbeque? Patty What do you call a man with no arms and no legs with rabbits up his backside? WarrenWhat do you call a woman with no arms and stands on one leg? Aileen What do you call a Chinese woman with no arms and stands on one leg? IRENE |
| 7Innuendo7 21.12.2006 22:59 |
One day, George W Bush and Moses just happened to be walking towards each other on a sidewalk. The prez sees Moses and screams "I gotta talk to Moses! I need some advice about the law and what's going on in the world today." Moses sees the president, and hurries around the corner into a dark alley and disappears. George and the secret service agents are mystified. The next day, GWB sees Moses again, and says to his secret service agents, "I want you guys to fan out and surround Moses, so I can finally talk to him and get advice about everything. And Karl says it would be a good photo." But as soon as GWB speaks, Moses hears, and disappears again around a corner into a dark alley. The president and his secret service agents scratch their heads. On the third day, George W Bush tells his agents to pick out spots ahead of time so they are ready. Sure enough, Moses walks into view and President Bush corners him, along with the Secret Service agents. The president asks "Moses, every day for the last three days, I've been trying to talk to you and ask your advice about the law and the world and everything. But when you see me you turn and disappear into the alley! How come?" Moses replies, "the last time I talked to a bush, I wandered in the desert for forty years." |
| Yogurt 23.12.2006 00:35 |
I haven't heard the Moses joke in a while. Made me laugh when I read it. Memories. okay,I got one! Question: What's cornier than Corn? Answer : THIS JOKE!! Okay, that was very corny. haha |
| eenaweena 23.12.2006 06:57 |
yo mamma jokes!!!! yo mama's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, i missed two shows! yo mamma's so ugly, when she looked out of the window, she was arrested for mooning! okay. that's all i have right now. |
| Rick 23.12.2006 07:20 |
Your mother is so fat, that she needs a tourist guide to clean her ass after shitting. Your mother is so fat, that she needs a boomerang to tie up her belt. |
| 7Innuendo7 23.12.2006 20:39 |
yo momma got a glass eye with a fish in it |
| blerp 26.12.2006 02:00 |
Yo momma is so dirty, that she puts ice cubes in her pants to keep the crabs fresh. |
| Farrokh Mercury 26.12.2006 03:57 |
Yo Mamas so fat that when she walked into a bed store and asked for a water bed they just covered the Pacific Ocean. What do you call a gorilla with a pair of bananas stuffed in its ears? Anything you want beacuse it can't hear you. What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Doug. What do you call a man without a spade in his head? Dougles. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no idea. Or as my step-mum said "Fucked" |
| MarkieKnopflie 26.12.2006 06:52 |
This happend to myself: A little boy from my class is overthin, and i asked him why he didn't came any weight while he was eating alot. He: The food i eat doesn't turn into fat, but into brains.( he is smart) Me: But why is Nenad so smart then? ( Nenad is a guy from my class too, but not very thin...) I started to laugh very hard... i couldn't help saying that :S xD |
| 7 seas of Rhye 26.12.2006 09:44 |
My mom said this was the first joke I ever made when I was 2 years old. (I loved the movie "Pocahantas") Knock knock! Who's there? Poca! Poca who? Poca-hiney!! |
| deleted user 26.12.2006 13:21 |
What do you get when you cross an octopus and a mink? A coat of arms |