| deleted user 29.10.2006 20:01 |
You came along and whisked me off my feet, But you also took my heart and filled it with deceit. You thought I was someone who you could mess around, That I was only someone, who never stood out from the crowd. I knew in the back of my mind that this was what you were, But I didn’t want to know, that you truly didn’t care. Instead I kept loving you more and more each day, Trying to push my thoughts more and more away. You came along and messed me around, But I hit back by standing out from the crowd. You never thought I could live without your affection, And it just showed you, you were looking at your reflection. I now know that I have the spirit to keep fighting, As love can be great and fulfilling, but also extremely frightening. I had to power to say no to you and your evil, Which made me happy, as it was your upheaval. I posted this on another site,but I thought Id share it with you guys and see what you guys thought.Maybe a few others can post there stuff too,enjoy =) |
| its_a_hard_life 26994 29.10.2006 20:13 |
That. Was. Fucking. Amazing. Hello? Talented poet here?! Wow. |
| AspiringPhilosophe 29.10.2006 20:15 |
Excellent! I wish I could write poetry like that! |
| RETROLOVE 30.10.2006 01:43 |
<font color=dark red>WhiteQueen wrote: You came along and whisked me off my feet, But you also took my heart and filled it with deceit. You thought I was someone who you could mess around, That I was only someone, who never stood out from the crowd. I knew in the back of my mind that this was what you were, But I didn’t want to know, that you truly didn’t care. Instead I kept loving you more and more each day, Trying to push my thoughts more and more away. You came along and messed me around, But I hit back by standing out from the crowd. You never thought I could live without your affection, And it just showed you, you were looking at your reflection. I now know that I have the spirit to keep fighting, As love can be great and fulfilling, but also extremely frightening. I had to power to say no to you and your evil, Which made me happy, as it was your upheaval. I posted this on another site,but I thought Id share it with you guys and see what you guys thought.Maybe a few others can post there stuff too,enjoy =)White-Queen that was a very good poem! I write poetry from time to time, but its very hard for me to clear my mind and write, since I'm somewhat busy all the time :( Keep writing! |
| blerp 30.10.2006 12:26 |
Here is my poem about me eating Thing 1 and Thing 2, and Dr. Seuss scolding me. 'You cannot go eating my friends! They were supposed to be my assistants till the very end! I hope you will fry, I hope you will cry, In the remorse of the course of eating my friends!' Yep. I'm going to start writing morbid childrens' books. My pen name will be either Doctor Zeus, or Dr Sues. |
| Mr.Jingles 30.10.2006 12:29 |
This should be a song... don't keep it as a poem. |
| deleted user 30.10.2006 12:55 |
i can't write poems..well i can but theyre just shite..lol.. im doing poetry in english..i hate it!!!!!!!! analysing every friggin' word!!!.. anyhoo THE FAT CAT SAT ON THE MAT! :) |
| its_a_hard_life 26994 30.10.2006 13:13 |
<font color="#33FFFF">Capt'JessicaSparow wrote: THE FAT CAT SAT ON THE MAT! :)LMAO... I'm exactly like that too. |
| deleted user 31.10.2006 12:32 |
thank you all, i appreciate it! |
| deleted user 03.11.2006 16:08 |
Beautiful poem whitequeen! I just started trying to write poetry (I like to call them lyrics). This poem was for my best friend in the whole world, who I fell in love with... Beautiful Amber I’d tremble with delight if I held her hand I’ve been without love for far to long But now I’ve found her, that special someone The way she moves makes me tremble within If only I could express my inner desire I surely would be a better man Amber, oh how my heart does ache Won’t you dine with me? Won’t you hold my hand? I don’t want my freedom There’s no reason for living Without true love Yeah, I know...it sucks A$$! Did you notice my last three lines? Don't kill me for it! |
| its_a_hard_life 26994 03.11.2006 16:12 |
Metal Head wrote: Did you notice my last three lines? Don't kill me for it!It's A Hard Life.... YOU STOLE MY NAME! Time to pay... ;) |
| thomasquinn 32989 03.11.2006 16:13 |
Considering the amount of syllables and the natural rhythm, you should really make it four lines a stanza. And I'd rephrase it a little to increase the natural flow of words (every syllable helps imply a rhythm). Other than that, it's not at all bad. But those borrowed lines, don't do that. You can do quite well without them, I'm sure. Anyway, they really stick out like a soar thumb. The style is so completely different from the rest. |
| deleted user 03.11.2006 16:34 |
<b><font color = "crimson"> ThomasQuinn wrote: Considering the amount of syllables and the natural rhythm, you should really make it four lines a stanza. And I'd rephrase it a little to increase the natural flow of words (every syllable helps imply a rhythm). Other than that, it's not at all bad. But those borrowed lines, don't do that. You can do quite well without them, I'm sure. Anyway, they really stick out like a soar thumb. The style is so completely different from the rest.Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. When I wrote this I was pretty much in love. I wasn't thinking all that much. You know, when you're in love your blind...yeah...I have no idea where I'm going with this. Anyway, I tried and she seemed to love it. |
| deleted user 06.11.2006 14:21 |
not at all bad metal head!Now thomas,where you talkin about mine or his? |
| deleted user 06.11.2006 16:32 |
Thanks whitequeen! And I believe Thomas was talking about my poem...the one that sucks. |
| mircal 07.11.2006 21:35 |
<font color=dark red>WhiteQueen wrote: You came along and whisked me off my feet, But you also took my heart and filled it with deceit. You thought I was someone who you could mess around, That I was only someone, who never stood out from the crowd. I knew in the back of my mind that this was what you were, But I didn’t want to know, that you truly didn’t care. Instead I kept loving you more and more each day, Trying to push my thoughts more and more away. You came along and messed me around, But I hit back by standing out from the crowd. You never thought I could live without your affection, And it just showed you, you were looking at your reflection. I now know that I have the spirit to keep fighting, As love can be great and fulfilling, but also extremely frightening. I had to power to say no to you and your evil, Which made me happy, as it was your upheaval. I posted this on another site,but I thought Id share it with you guys and see what you guys thought.Maybe a few others can post there stuff too,enjoy =)If you could take any queen song and replace it with those lyrics what song would it be??? |
| blerp 07.11.2006 21:41 |
Who Needs You! or Nevermore! Oops, not my question. |
| mircal 07.11.2006 21:47 |
<font color=>LadyMercury wrote: Who Needs You! or Nevermore! Oops, not my question.LOL, thats cool, I think nevermore would be good, maybe show must go on |
| deleted user 08.11.2006 08:53 |
hmm is that a good or bad thing?I never thought of it as lyrics,just a poem but people seem to think differ!does it work better as lyrics then a poem? |
| Maruga 08.11.2006 09:52 |
<font color=dark red>WhiteQueen wrote: hmm is that a good or bad thing?I never thought of it as lyrics,just a poem but people seem to think differ!does it work better as lyrics then a poem?Leave it as a poem... there's no need for music or change it into lyric when you want to write and express feelings. Nice poem. |
| deleted user 10.11.2006 07:22 |
very well done poem! congratulations!! ; D |
| deleted user 10.11.2006 07:51 |
I'm Jelouse |
| its_a_hard_life 26994 09.12.2006 21:00 |
Everyone's life is a picture, Painted by only one person, Life itself. The picture shows everything you're doing, And everything you have done. But sometimes, Life gets tired. And doesn't want to paint a picture. So, Life sends problems to stop you, If you give up, your picture is finished. If you keep going, so does your picture. So the question is: How soon do you want to see your picture? Do you want to see it now? When it could be so much more? Or later, when there's so much more than before? It's your choice, I'll keep going. |
| deleted user 10.12.2006 18:58 |
Very deep. I love it! |