I've had the same 3'close friends' for years. just to make it easier i'll call them Helen, Claire and James. I've been having problems with 'Helen'. In the past 2 school years she has drastically changed..for the worse. Shes changed from being a quiet girl who was hardly ever nasty to anyone, to someone who is a heavy drinking, smoking pot head. Since september last year we've had a few people join our little group which is fair enough but now she keeps telling 'Claire' (her best friend) that she's bored of 'James' and I and that we're ..well basically losers. She also tells everyone not to invite us to parties or other social gatherings, for instance a cinema outing earlier this week and another close friend of ours' 16th. What she also does which really annoys me is when someone else in our new group is having a party she stands there and blatently trys to convince them to invite other people who she thinks is cool. When i stand there and say jokingly to the person'God im disgusted you've invited so-and-so before inviting me' She turned round to me and said 'you're not invited because no-one likes you' which i know isn't true because i've asked a few diffrent people to ask for me...im paranoid like that.
She treats me like i'm inferior... I don't know what i've done.. Whenever anyone falls out with her she goes and appologises or even talks to them, but if its just me she leaves me...she just doesn't care! I'm always the one who has to talk to her even if she's in the wrong...that is if she'll listen.
Getting to the point i'm sick of it! If i dont say something soon i'm gunna go insane. But 'Claire' told me about what 'Helen'said in confidence, and i know that if i confront 'Helen' about it, she'll fall out with me and make my life hell and whats worse, i know that all my other 'friends' will take her side and if 'Helen'says that i cant hang around with them anymore, they'll talk to me in secret and thats it. I know this because this has happened before.
What should I do?
p.s. sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes
If you ask me, you should rest your friendship with "Helen" for a while. You sound like you're really trying hard to change her back, but she won't listen.. She needs to realise what a good friend you are, and not take you for granted. But if you have the patience, and she's willing to listen, ask her face to face why she changed like that. Tell her you miss the old person she used to be. If it doesn't work, leave her for a while. You're trying to help her persistently, and she won't cooperate with you. She's ruining her life, and someday she'll look back and see what a fool she was. I know you're trying to be a good friend, and that's great! It's just sometimes, people don't heed advice, and they become ignorant. :-(
I tried to loose my best friend over a matter of time. She began to be a total bitch to me and stuff. I only made it worse, when I tried to get her back :/.. She did´nt change, and I doubt your friend will. But if she does, and you´re there to help her, it sure would be greate :)..
Meanwhile. Keep good company ;).. Bitches are not worth feeling bad about (trust me).
deleted user 04.06.2006 06:34
ok heres what i do all the time cos it happens all the time,
two options
1-ignore her, and let her see what shes done, cos it will get to the point where she will miss it and realise what shes done and she will come crawling back up for you to be her friend, cos she will need a friend
2-let her see its getting to you but i think that will only just encourage her, unless it makes her feel like crap cos shes just made one of her close mates break up with her kinda
but keep the friends youv got and she will come round eventually if shes smart enuf, if not then no offence but shes a stupid bitch and you dont need her!
Helen has problems and if you're not close enough to her to help - meaning inform some adult about her drinking and personality shift - then I'd say what everyone else said, ignore her. Her bitchiness is being fed by your pain. She's getting some kind of sick thrill from it.
If a boyfriend treated you this way, would you stay with him? I'd hope not. She's an abuser and I doubt her behaviour is going to turn around any time soon - no matter what you do.
What you should realize is that it's not about you. It's not. It might feel like it, but it's more about her sense of power. Stick with your healthy relationships and stay away from the pain of mind games and manipulations. People who play that way are not worth second, third, and sometimes more chances.
deleted user 04.06.2006 11:02
Great advice everyone!
Also, sometimes we just loose friends when our interests are no longer the same. It's hard to accept, but just a natural part of life. If her interests have changed and yours have not, then you have grown apart. Try to find other friends where you don't have to try to please.
Take Brian's advice :D >> "Don't fool with fools who turn away, keep all good company"
But seriously, I had a friend like that back when I was 11-ish. She used to be really cool and we were like best friends and all. But then she changed for the worse too. It was like anything that is considered "bad" she was into. She started getting cocky and nasty to me too, and I just didn't want to put up with it. So I just stopped talking to her. It's not good to hang out with people like that. Don't let others change you, and while we're having this discussion don't give into peer pressure!! And remember that you can always make new friends... I thought this supposed "best friend" of mine would be my friend forever. We flipped a penny! But I ended up making new friends and they are better friends than I've ever had before.
if you look up the word friend in the dictionary i am sure you wont find that she is actually a friend at all. i was like you in school i had 2 "friends" who i knew weren't doing me any good but i thought if i don't have them i won't have anyone else and will be an outcast but soon as i left school i ditched them and i was much happier. i wish i had done it earlier.