When are women going to learn that man flu, really is a lot worse then any kind of sissy girly flu they might have had in the past! A manly runny nose is in fact worse then child birth, and when combined with a nasty cough is like giving kryptonite to Superman! Although the symptoms may appear on the surface to be like any other strain of flu, I can assure you that man flu is like flu extra strength “now with added mucus”. It’s nothing like the common cold; it doesn’t even bear relation to the regular influenza. And should be reclassified as such! This is a class A; viral, we are not putting it on, or acting up for attention! We are at war with the beast, and are doing everything in are power to prevent more innocent men being infected with it! So that’s why we refuse to move, and going out of the house is out of the question!
Getting the most out of your man flu,
1, sighing, it’s important to sigh as loudly and as often as possible, this not only is away of forcibly expelling your germs a greater distance, but also has a satisfying sound. This can also help raise the sympathy stakes
2, runny nose, this feature should be welcomed, as it’s not only is it a visible sign of illness, its a way of making wiping your nose on your sleeve, acceptable (use it while u can) plus with practice you can create huge snot bubbles from your nose
3, coughing, the tickler the cough, the better. Nobody wants to waste there time with some sissy single cough, not when u can have whole coughing fits that can be used in conjunction with sighs for extra effect (see tip1) Remember after coughing, if your eyes are not watering, you didn’t do it right!
4, sleeping, while the actually act of sleeping is useful for gaining a little extra energy, its not actually worth doing unless u can combine it with any of the above symptoms. Your better of sprawling across the couch, with a quilt wrapped round you. This way nobody will have time to forget how ill you are, and the TV remote control is still firmly yours!
5, alcohol, not that any real man needs an excuse to consume hard licker before breakfast, Its nice to have a whole arsenal of old wives tales and urban myths relating to how drinking can help relieve the above symptoms. Use it while you can, hot toddies, Irish coffee’s, and straight shots of the hard stuff are all acceptable as traditional remedys. Dont let that stop you making up storys regarding tequila's remarkable healing properties
6, tissues, although not totally needed during this near death experience, they can provide some entertainment. Seeing how far you can throw the snot filled balls, and then seeing others struggling to pick them up without touching any of your free flowing nastiness. At this point you can use the now perfected sighing to deflect any evil looks that might be given to you by your offical carer. note: only man flu can create huge mountains of used tissues from one small box.
So now you have no excuse not to get the sympathy you deserve!.. Girls ringing your friends and relatives up and announcing we only have a cold, is not only dangerous to other male visitors, it’s a complete lie! I don’t know who you think you’re helping by committing such crimes!