| geeksandgeeks 15.03.2005 20:53 |
I'm not sure what the situation in the rest of your countries is, but here in the US of A, we have a massive federal budget deficit. As the wealthiest nation in the world, this should not be a problem. The problem is that whenever the government gets money, it does stupid things with it, like using it to create pointless new multi-million dollar departments or creating National Barking Spider Awareness Month. I read this old Dave Barry column in which he asked his readers for suggestions on how to eliminate the deficit. He also wrote about some of their answers, and they were highly amusing. Here are some of my favorites: 1) Convert the deficit to electric current - the higher the deficit, the greater the voltage - and then run the current through our congresspersons. Specifically, through a certain part of our congresspersons' anatomy, which would also significantly dent the number of sex scandals. 2) Send the government all of the rolls of pennies in our closets. I like this suggestion. The pennies in my closet, by this point, are probably worth about $2,540.86 because NO ONE USES PENNIES. 3) Have a $10 million tax on movies with Roman numerals attatched to them. Rambo IV would cost Sylvester Stallone $40 mil. 4) Rent the Stealth bomber out for school dances. 5) A $50,000 tax on pretentious education-related letters attatched to names. For example, Robert H. Monotone, BA, MA, PhD, AsS would fork over $500,000 annually. 6) Mug Canada. (I don't really get this one, but it sounds good. I thought this was a pretty cute idea. Any other ideas, anyone? Here are some of mine. 1) Threaten Congress with a Science Fair unless they do something about the deficit. 2) A $5 million tax on every artist who has ever covered the song "In the Year 2525." An additional $500 million tax on whoever wrote this song. 3) Eliminate federal prisons. Send our convicts to Borneo. |
| Brimon 16.03.2005 06:34 |
I thought the, mug Canada was funny. Not that I've got anything against Canada. My own idea would be to impose a tax on people who wear tracksuits. |
| Lisser 16.03.2005 11:01 |
Maybe we could stop lending money to other countries until we get ourselves out of debt? I guess I was wrong but I always thought if you were negative in your bank account, you couldn't lend anyone else any cash????? I'm not for that tax on educational suffixes!!! I'd be paying that tax!!! no no no!!!! |
| Mr.Jingles 16.03.2005 11:47 |
Plain and simple... Spend less money waging wars in other countries and take care of important issues that will benefit Americans directly. Remember that every single penny spent on military budget is a penny that you're taking away from the people. Sometimes spending it is necessary, but it seems like there's always morons who think that the "honor" of having the strongest army in the world is far more important than improving the life standards of our people by giving them education, health, and many other social benefits. After all the same idiots who constantly wage for wars and take pride on kicking ass, are the same pussies who can't even carry an AK-47 because it's too heavy for them, and are too damn afraid to go on the battlefield and fight the wars they started. |
| Lisser 16.03.2005 12:41 |
Ohhhh come on now!! I think America likes to have the philosophy of survival of the fittest. It works for some, but doesn't for others. |
| Mr.Jingles 16.03.2005 13:33 |
Lisser wrote: Ohhhh come on now!! I think America likes to have the philosophy of survival of the fittest. It works for some, but doesn't for others.Seems like it's become our philosophy to think it's important to bomb the shit out of every single third world country out there. More particularly to kill every single poor kid who in the future could become a potential terrorist. After all if our own government puts the lives of our troops in danger to protect the financial interests of corporations like Halliburton, then how could they possibly care about harming innocent foreign citizens. Perhaps they should allow more corporations to establish their factories on poor countries and hire people to enslav... err, I mean make them work 14 hours a day for 10 cents, so people like Paris Hilton can spend tons of money on wearing something coming from a sweat shop that looks almost like a concentration camp. |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 16.03.2005 14:01 |
Mr.Jingles79 wrote: Spend less money waging wars in other countries and take care of important issues that will benefit Americans directly.Then I suppose you believe World War II was not important, either? Remember that every single penny spent on military budget is a penny that you're taking away from the people. Sometimes spending it is necessary, but it seems like there's always morons who think that the "honor" of having the strongest army in the world is far more important than improving the life standards of our people by giving them education, health, and many other social benefits.What about simple human rights benefits for citizens of other countries (i.e. Iraq)? I was watching CNN (the global hotel edition) today, and there was a man on there named Hassan Mnienmehn (sp?) who was talking about the reason why Iraq will take so long to rebuild... The reason is because, under Saddam Hussein, the state became something to control individuals, not to serve them. Do you believe America should be isolationist? Also, may I ask, did you support the Kosovo War? After all the same idiots who constantly wage for wars and take pride on kicking ass, are the same pussies who can't even carry an AK-47 because it's too heavy for them, and are too damn afraid to go on the battlefield and fight the wars they started.I think it is extremely unfair of you to generalize and say that everyone who is for war is too scared to fight the war themselves. There are many men fighting and dying, and have fought and died throughout history, because they believed in liberty and justice for all. (and not just liberty and justice for Americans.) |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 16.03.2005 14:04 |
Mr.Jingles79 wrote: Seems like it's become our philosophy to think it's important to bomb the shit out of every single third world country out there.Yes, that's why we're liberating Iraq. Because we want all the Iraqis to die. That's why we're helping them set up a democracy. Yep. More particularly to kill every single poor kid who in the future could become a potential terrorist. After all if our own government puts the lives of our troops in danger to protect the financial interests of corporations like Halliburton, then how could they possibly care about harming innocent foreign citizens.Hello!! What about Saddam's harming innocent citizens? Perhaps they should allow more corporations to establish their factories on poor countries and hire people to enslav... err, I mean make them work 14 hours a day for 10 cents, so people like Paris Hilton can spend tons of money on wearing something coming from a sweat shop that looks almost like a concentration camp.And Paris Hilton is for George W. Bush? |
| geeksandgeeks 16.03.2005 16:36 |
Oh dear dear, this is not what I intended this topic to turn into. It was intended to be humorous. There is not a chance in hell that I am ACTUALLY sending the government my penny deposits. Lisser: As long as they're not PRETENTIOUS education -related letters, meaning that you don't sign personal correspondence with them (yes, I actually know people who do this) :P I would also like your opinions on converting the debt to nonpoisonous but hair-covered spiders which will be let loose in the Senate chambers. |
| Lisser 16.03.2005 18:47 |
HMMM that sounds like an idea!!! Speaking of those nasty eight legged boogers that I hate and you adore....one ran across my hand today while I was typing a letter at work today!!!! I smashed it with a tissue. It was almost clear so I barely saw it scurry!! YUCK!!! It was fast as lightening too. I hate spiders!!! Have you been up to that bug store in what used to be Forest Fair Mall Mandy? You'd be in heaven there. BLEH!!! I don't sign personal correspondence letters like that no...but I do have to sign work related letters and documents this way for legal purposes and bc I pay a hell of a lot of money to keep my licenses in two states!!!!! I still hate spiders though!! ;) |
| iGSM 16.03.2005 20:54 |
heh, I used to sign letters with imaginary suffixes. Up until that day I got a cease and desist letter of course. I think maybe you sell all the Italians back to Italy. Or something like that. Or buy New Zealand as an investment property. |
| geeksandgeeks 16.03.2005 21:42 |
Lisser wrote: HMMM that sounds like an idea!!! Speaking of those nasty eight legged boogers that I hate and you adore....one ran across my hand today while I was typing a letter at work today!!!! I smashed it with a tissue. It was almost clear so I barely saw it scurry!! YUCK!!! It was fast as lightening too. I hate spiders!!! Have you been up to that bug store in what used to be Forest Fair Mall Mandy? You'd be in heaven there. BLEH!!! I don't sign personal correspondence letters like that no...but I do have to sign work related letters and documents this way for legal purposes and bc I pay a hell of a lot of money to keep my licenses in two states!!!!! I still hate spiders though!! ;)Yep, been to the bug store several times. Great place! I know I'm probably not going to cure anyone's arachniphobia, but here's the thing about spiders: they are the sweetest creatures alive. They don't have a mean palp in their bodies. But they're very nervous little things, and they can sense fear. If you're dealing with any kind of widow, she's much more likely to bite if you're jumpy. Unfortunate, but true. I've had my share of spider bites and they're quite painful; I don't recommend them to anyone. Except the Senate. Wolf spiders or Goliath bird-eaters would be my picks. |
| Brimon 17.03.2005 04:03 |
Apparently, don't know if this is true, but one of, if not the most venomous of the spider world is the daddy longlegs. We get loads of them in the summer, fortunately they don't have any fangs so they can't bite you. Poor little spider, squish. |
| iGSM 17.03.2005 05:36 |
I thought they did have fangs but legs too long to bite you with? |
| Mr.Jingles 17.03.2005 07:13 |
Brimon wrote: Apparently, don't know if this is true, but one of, if not the most venomous of the spider world is the daddy longlegs. We get loads of them in the summer, fortunately they don't have any fangs so they can't bite you. Poor little spider, squish.Are they really? They look so fragile. The only good thing about spiders is that it's fun to kill those mofos. I remember recently watching on TV how there are eco-tours through the Amazon to see Macaws, and as many of you know I love exotic birds. However, I don't know if I'd be willing to go since there's the chance of also having an encounter with a bird-eating spider. |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 17.03.2005 11:18 |
geeksandgeeks wrote: Oh dear dear, this is not what I intended this topic to turn into. It was intended to be humorous.*hangs head* Sorry... :) |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 17.03.2005 11:19 |
Mr.Jingles79 wrote:The only good thing about spiders is that it's fun to kill those mofos.Hey! Spiders are cute and cuddly! |
| Lisser 17.03.2005 11:32 |
YUCK YUCK YUCK!! I hate em!! I have never seen a clear spider before yesterday when I squished that nasty thing. I guess that is why spiders are so fast around me bc I am terrified of them. If they are in an aquarium, fine but crawling across my desk??? NO NO NO!!! I wonder what kind of spider that thing was. About the daddy long leggers, I heard that too. Something about if their mouths were bigger or something that their bite could kill you? I'm sure Mandy can clear this up for us. Mandy I HATE those millipedes that are in that store too. I'd love to squoosh one of those on the bottom of my shoe!! Those hissing roaches they have in there with them...I remember back in the old days when I was at good ole NKU in my Biology lab we were "forced" to hold the hissing roaches. Then my lovely professor proceeded to tell us that the roaches have lice on them!!! If you look very closely at the hissing roaches you can see tiny tiny white things moving on them!!! I wanted to strangle my professor. |
| Janet 17.03.2005 11:52 |
millipedes...*shudder* |
| Mr.Jingles 17.03.2005 11:56 |
FreddiesGhettoTrench wrote:Mr.Jingles79 wrote:That's one thing that my girlfriend said to me, because she thinks that hairy animals have a tendency to be cute. Although she didn't actually mention them them to be cuddly. So I said how would she like to see a tarantula the size of a gizzly bear.The only good thing about spiders is that it's fun to kill those mofos.Hey! Spiders are cute and cuddly! |
| Lisser 17.03.2005 13:18 |
link |
| Mr.Jingles 17.03.2005 13:39 |
I ain't clicking there, Lisser. I'm so arachnophobic that I carefully flip biology and zoology books because I've had some really bad experiences finding a big picture of a spider that scares the living shit out of me. So what I do is carefully take a small peak at the next page because you never know what kind of close-up picture of an ugly creepy crawler you'll find next. |
| Lisser 17.03.2005 14:11 |
I can sympathize with you on that!! I am ok with seeing pics in books or on a screen. But when it crawls across my hand, that is heart attack time!!!! ;) |
| deleted user 17.03.2005 15:22 |
Pfft. Spiders are so not intimidating... ;^) |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 17.03.2005 16:23 |
Mr.Jingles79 wrote:FreddiesGhettoTrench wrote:I wouldn't mind, as long as it wasn't trying to eat me. I have no problem with spiders. They are sweet and cuddly, just like Vice President Cheney.Mr.Jingles79 wrote:That's one thing that my girlfriend said to me, because she thinks that hairy animals have a tendency to be cute. Although she didn't actually mention them them to be cuddly. So I said how would she like to see a tarantula the size of a gizzly bear. You guys should have seen the way how I rolled my eyes when she said that.The only good thing about spiders is that it's fun to kill those mofos.Hey! Spiders are cute and cuddly! |
| geeksandgeeks 17.03.2005 16:30 |
FreddiesGhettoTrench wrote:Mr.Jingles79 wrote:GAAAAAAH not him again! :)FreddiesGhettoTrench wrote:I wouldn't mind, as long as it wasn't trying to eat me. I have no problem with spiders. They are sweet and cuddly, just like Vice President Cheney.Mr.Jingles79 wrote:That's one thing that my girlfriend said to me, because she thinks that hairy animals have a tendency to be cute. Although she didn't actually mention them them to be cuddly. So I said how would she like to see a tarantula the size of a gizzly bear. You guys should have seen the way how I rolled my eyes when she said that.The only good thing about spiders is that it's fun to kill those mofos.Hey! Spiders are cute and cuddly! |
| inu-liger 17.03.2005 16:59 |
Brimon wrote: I thought the, mug Canada was funny. Not that I've got anything against Canada. My own idea would be to impose a tax on people who wear tracksuits.I liked the Mug Canada one too! |
| inu-liger 17.03.2005 17:02 |
Lisser wrote: HMMM that sounds like an idea!!! Speaking of those nasty eight legged boogers that I hate and you adore....one ran across my hand today while I was typing a letter at work today!!!! I smashed it with a tissue. It was almost clear so I barely saw it scurry!! YUCK!!! It was fast as lightening too. I hate spiders!!! Have you been up to that bug store in what used to be Forest Fair Mall Mandy? You'd be in heaven there. BLEH!!! I don't sign personal correspondence letters like that no...but I do have to sign work related letters and documents this way for legal purposes and bc I pay a hell of a lot of money to keep my licenses in two states!!!!! I still hate spiders though!! ;)You and Ron Weasley would get along great |
| Mr.Jingles 17.03.2005 18:48 |
I can see the resemblance between Dick Cheney and a spider. - They're creepy looking and inspire a lot of fear - They come across as cold blooded creatures - They're ugly - Most people hate them - They're predators who take advantage of anything (or anyone) to satisfy their own needs. - They hate their own kind (Black widows kill their mates, and Cheney hates his own daughter because she's a lesbian). One difference... Spiders are hairy, Cheney is not (at least not from where I see him). |
| iGSM 17.03.2005 19:17 |
I though the Brazilian Wandering Spider is the most agressive and poisonous on Earth (that we obviously know of)? Or has my view of spiders been destroyed by that guy with the beard...Santa? |
| Mr.Jingles 17.03.2005 19:55 |
Barry © wrote: i used to keep a tarantula. linkI ain't clicking on that one either. |
| Brimon 18.03.2005 07:14 |
Mr.Jingles79 wrote:lol, if I can do it, I'm sure you can.Barry © wrote: i used to keep a tarantula. linkI ain't clicking on that one either. Conquer your fear Mr Jingles. |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 18.03.2005 10:20 |
Mr.Jingles79 wrote: - They hate their own kind (Black widows kill their mates, and Cheney hates his own daughter because she's a lesbian).link He doesn't look too hateful here. link Or here. link Or here. |
| Mr.Jingles 18.03.2005 11:11 |
There are some Hitler pictures out there where he doesn't look THAT evil. |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 18.03.2005 13:51 |
Oh come on. You did not just make that comparison. Cheney is a sweetheart and you need to back off him. Just because he's calm doesn't mean he's evil. He's just calm. |
| Mr.Jingles 18.03.2005 14:10 |
Calm, hmm... gotta admire Cheney's patience. Especially at that time when he was in congress and told Patrick Leahy to go fuck himself. |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 18.03.2005 14:29 |
Mr.Jingles79 wrote: Calm, hmm... gotta admire Cheney's patience. Especially at that time when he was in congress and told Patrick Leahy to go fuck himself.If you consider Cheney to be angry, you've never seen a pissed off McCain! :) |
| geeksandgeeks 18.03.2005 17:30 |
iGSM wrote: I though the Brazilian Wandering Spider is the most agressive and poisonous on Earth (that we obviously know of)? Or has my view of spiders been destroyed by that guy with the beard...Santa?I was half-kidding about the labyrinth spider. You don't want to get on the wrong side of a Brazilian anything. As far as the resemblace between Dick Cheney and spiders, I don't think that's entirely fair. Modern scientists believe the Vice-President to be a member of the insect family, most likely a close relative of the tsitsi fly. ;) Former Senator Jesse Helms, on the other hand, is technically a member of the arachnid family, as is Rick Santorum. |
