| Lester Burnham 15.11.2004 02:17 |
Hello all. It's 2 12am EST, and as I need to be up for work in less than five hours, I figured it's as good a time as any to pose this thread. I'm sure there are those of you who like me, those of you who don't like me, and those of you who simply don't know me. This is your opportunity to ask any question you have of me, and I will answer in my typical sarcastic yet brutally honest fashion. Learn all you need to know! Ask away. |
| Monte: Liquorice Years 15.11.2004 02:33 |
are you a virgin? hey! you said ask anything...so i am!! i thought i wouldnt beat around the bush... |
| Lester Burnham 15.11.2004 02:44 |
A very good question. No, I am not a virgin - lost it to a brusky fellow named Bubba outside a Wichitaw train station, insisting that he teach me how to properly 'touch my toes'. I haven't sat right since. Either that, or it was a drunken night with my first real girlfriend two years ago, which just came off as completely awkward and not very enjoyable. You choose. |
| Monte: Liquorice Years 15.11.2004 02:55 |
im going to have to say the first one.... its funny (and probably true!!!) i mean.... that doesnt turn me on at all *avoids eye contact* well that certainly was inspiring...i feel as if we've known each other forever now! (fuck i rabble alot!) monte |
| Janet 15.11.2004 08:12 |
Do you REALLY like celery with peanut butter? |
| SergeantPepperDG 15.11.2004 08:24 |
Have you ever tripped on acid? |
| SergeantPepperDG 15.11.2004 08:31 |
No. |
| Brimon 15.11.2004 08:40 |
Whats the longest you've gone, without changing your underpants? |
| Megamike The GREAT 15.11.2004 08:42 |
6 months... oh wait, these are questions for LESTER to answer.. How BIG is "IT" ...there, I asked the one question all you women want to ask, but are too damn scared to... BTW, this was asked FOR the women of this place, I have no real need for this knowledge.. |
| MetzgerR 15.11.2004 12:02 |
Which is your favourite orchestral instrument? Ja ne! |
| MetzgerR 15.11.2004 12:14 |
Bassoon's neat, though few people ever manage to become even slightly proficient on it...and double bass is great too! It just is so tiring to hold those massively thick strings down! And it's way different from the other strings instruments I'm more familiar with. I think the violincello is probably one of the most beautiful instruments ever made, and along with that go oboe, french horn, and bassoon. Of course, I'm ultra partial to viola, that being my instrument and all... But uhm...are we going to be answered, dear Lester? Ja ne! |
| deleted user 15.11.2004 13:03 |
Do you think about prepubescent boys when you beat off in the shower? |
| Lester Burnham 15.11.2004 13:03 |
Sorry all - these are very good questions, but I'm at work and the boss is looking over my shoulder periodically. So my answers will have to wait until tonight. Keep asking, though! |
| deleted user 15.11.2004 13:17 |
.::HeM::. wrote: I've heard that you like to masturbate while watching I Want To Break Free video. Is that true?Have you resorted to intellectual theft, HeM? Think of something else, will ya? |
| MexQueenFM 15.11.2004 13:28 |
why? |
| Lester Burnham 15.11.2004 16:49 |
Thomas-as a matter of fact, no I am not John Deacon, but I did beat him at pinball once. He threw a hissy fit and claimed I cheated - of course I didn’t - and we got into a huge fight, and he yelled at me not to talk back. He wrote a song about it the next year, and in a rare move for John, dedicated it to me with the same kind of venom that Freddie did ‘Death On Two Legs’ so many years ago. Janet-I actually don’t like celery, as I choked on a stick of it in the seventh grade, resulting in my math teacher giving me the heimlich maneuver (not CPR!). And my uncle died in a peanut butter-related accident - my family doesn’t speak of this incident. SgtPepper-yes, I did trip on acid once. My friend left it out on the floor overnight and I wasn’t looking where I was going. Brimon-I cannot answer your question, as I simply do not wear underpants. MegaMike-“it” is two letters long - no more, no less. MetzgerR-the slide whistle. Hem-I die inside a little each time I read Queenzone. bambam-who doesn’t? Killaqueen-my favorite teletubbie is Karl Marx. Hem-see my response to bambam’s question. Mex-why not? Hem-utterly and absolutely absurd, for all three questions. |
| MetzgerR 15.11.2004 16:54 |
So, do we get a round two here? Ja ne! |
| Lester Burnham 15.11.2004 17:16 |
Ask away - I'll answer in rounds instead of posting separate entries. |
| MetzgerR 15.11.2004 17:21 |
Denki denki, Lester! Hm...Okay, what was your first thought after discovering the Song of Solomon in the Bible? Ja ne! |
| Lester Burnham 15.11.2004 17:25 |
Before I answer any questions, I want to make it clear that I do not condone the pirate ship thread in any way, shape, or form. Please do not ask any more questions about it. |
| MexQueenFM 15.11.2004 17:32 |
lester, you answered "why not?" that's not an answer, you just answered with another question , i want an explination why? |
| deleted user 15.11.2004 19:28 |
You guys are gross. Lester, why are you not British like I had always thought you were? |
| Janet 15.11.2004 19:33 |
LOL! I thought he was too, Alistair! |
| deleted user 15.11.2004 19:43 |
Fishy, isn't it? ;^) |
| Lester Burnham 15.11.2004 20:04 |
MetzgerR-here comes round two! Killaqueen-cats. I’ve got nothing funny, really, except that I like cats. MetzgerR-I thought it needed a catchier beat, but the melody and lyrics were decent. Not really Top Forty material, but you can’t blame a person for being adventurous. Hem-if I wore clothes with stamps, I would run the risk of people shoving me into mailboxes and sending me off to Abu-Dabi. So, no stamps. Mex-I apologize, I misunderstood your question the first time. To ask why indicates a sense of curiosity, perhaps a Zen-like pursuit to discover the true meanings of things: life, love, mortality, fish sticks. The point isn’t to ask why, but to not ask “why not”. It would be easy to assume that life, as we know it, is a meaningless bat of the eye, that as soon as we realize, it’s too late and we’re all dead anyway. So, by asking such a meaningful yet thought-provoking question, there is no definitive answer, except to answer that question with a question. However, there are two ways to take the “why not” answer I provided: negatively, as in “Why should I wash behind my ears tonight, they’ll only get dirty anyway” - the eternal pessimist in all of us, of course - and positively, as in “Why shouldn’t I jump off this bridge with a piece of elastic tied around my waist?” It’s all very relative, and I wish I could wax philosophical a bit more convincingly, but I am a mere mortal. To which I can only ask...why? Miss James-I always wanted to be British, and I’m saddened to learn that the preconception of Lester Burnham being something he is not may be disappointing people. However, I have a very good British accent, and I wear glasses like Austin Powers, so that leaves only one question: shall we shag now or shall we shag later? (This is a general question addressed to everybody, not necessarily Miss James, who I know is taken) |
| deleted user 15.11.2004 20:09 |
Wait for me, Lester. Question: How do you explain Freddie's facial hair? 70's- no booger broom 80's- the boom of the broom late 80's- sparse stubbly beard 90's- disapperance of broom |
| deleted user 15.11.2004 20:12 |
"Miss James-I always wanted to be British, and I’m saddened to learn that the preconception of Lester Burnham being something he is not may be disappointing people. However, I have a very good British accent, and I wear glasses like Austin Powers, so that leaves only one question: shall we shag now or shall we shag later? (This is a general question addressed to everybody, not necessarily Miss James, who I know is taken)" - lol it's alright that you're not British - if memory serves me right, you are from PA and that's good, cos my aunt and uncle are from there. Wah-hey! |
| iGSM 15.11.2004 22:51 |
*puts moustache on* Uh, yes..will iGSM be included in the First Test starting tomorrow at the Gabba? If not, why not? Also how would you describe Mex? Sexual deviant or thing that when you at it long enough turns into something? Plus does this post make my ass look fat? |
| Brian_Mays_Wig 16.11.2004 00:53 |
Do you take naked pictures of yourself wearing your grandfathers war medals? |
| deleted user 16.11.2004 00:54 |
Brian_Mays_Wig wrote: Do you take naked pictures of yourself wearing your grandfathers war medals?Follow-up question: Where do you pin them? |
| Brian_Mays_Wig 16.11.2004 02:18 |
exactly ;) |
| SergeantPepperDG 16.11.2004 08:23 |
It it true you wanted to be a mohel when you grew up? |
| Sonia Doris 16.11.2004 09:02 |
should i ask a question too? :P |
| Brimon 16.11.2004 09:14 |
What will the lottery numbers be this weekend? Thanks in advance. |
| Sonia Doris 16.11.2004 09:29 |
can anyone tell me deakys phone number? thanx :P |
| MexQueenFM 16.11.2004 12:10 |
Lester Burnham wrote: Mex-I apologize, I misunderstood your question the first time. To ask why indicates a sense of curiosity, perhaps a Zen-like pursuit to discover the true meanings of things: life, love, mortality, fish sticks. The point isn’t to ask why, but to not ask “why not”. It would be easy to assume that life, as we know it, is a meaningless bat of the eye, that as soon as we realize, it’s too late and we’re all dead anyway. So, by asking such a meaningful yet thought-provoking question, there is no definitive answer, except to answer that question with a question. However, there are two ways to take the “why not” answer I provided: negatively, as in “Why should I wash behind my ears tonight, they’ll only get dirty anyway” - the eternal pessimist in all of us, of course - and positively, as in “Why shouldn’t I jump off this bridge with a piece of elastic tied around my waist?” It’s all very relative, and I wish I could wax philosophical a bit more convincingly, but I am a mere mortal. To which I can only ask...why?you better apologize! but why should you? is it worth it? is love still in the air? why is the "i" in iGSM in lowercase? why? why could it be "Igsm"? , why? |
| MexQueenFM 16.11.2004 12:12 |
iGSM wrote: *puts moustache on* Plus does this post make my ass look fat?I beleive i can answer that "no it doesn't make your ass look fat, you have hte nicest ass ever, j.lo is green in envy" |
| Lester Burnham 16.11.2004 12:36 |
bambam-no one can really explain Freddie’s facial hair except for Freddie’s facial hair itself, and it’s not talking. Which is a shame, as I’m sure it’s seen a lot more action than Freddie’s toes did. iGSM-ah yes. I’ve been waiting for your questions. To address the first one, I’m sure it’s too late, but you won’t ever make it to the First Test at the Gabba, as your car will be attacked by a dingo or a tazmanian devil or whatever it is you crazy Aussies have down there, and will devour your automobile in one fell swoop. I would describe Mex as a Rubiks cube - you’re intrigued at first, but then it just gets to the point that you don’t care if everything is in the right place so long as the damn thing is still a cube, so you go on to play Operation and get third degree shock burns from excessively touching the sides. Every post makes your ass look fat, but you don’t got none if you don’t got buns, hon. BMW and bambam-my grandfather was actually Roger Waters’ father, so instead of stripping down to the birthday suit and wearing a series of conveniently located medals, I instead shave off my eyebrows and trash hotel rooms, cutting my hand severly in the process, before sending random neighborhood children through the meat grinder. SgtPepper-assuming you mean one of those Jewish rabbis who ceremoniously circumcise baby boys, my lifelong dream of becoming a mohel has been shattered by the fact that I’m repulsed by baby penis. Sonia-no, you are exempt from this process. Brimon-I can tell you already that you don’t have the winning lottery numbers, and that Richard Branson will mysteriously win in an attempt to not only become the richest man alive, but also to become as British as humanly possible. Sonia-I already answered your question, and you may ask no more questions! But to answer your question, Deaky’s phone number is (799) 533-2266. Mex-you ask too many thought-provoking questions. Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have the town, why don’t you take it? You’re gonna make it after all. iGSM spells his name as such because he is actually owned and operated by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Incorporated. They were going to make a portable electronic replica of iGSM, but the bastard decided he didn’t WANT lots of money, so instead trademarked it in case anyone wanted to make a mockery of his name. He seems to be doing a fine job with that on his own, thank you very much. Alex-how can I not be? You are a sexy, sexy hunk of manmeat. |
| MetzgerR 16.11.2004 12:43 |
Round four, please? Okay, Lester dear, how far into War and Peace, Anna Karenina, or Crime and Punishment did you get before you threw the book down and gave up? Ja ne! |
| MexQueenFM 16.11.2004 13:04 |
Lester Burnham wrote: iGSM-ah yes. I’ve been waiting for your questions. To address the first one, I’m sure it’s too late, but you won’t ever make it to the First Test at the Gabba, as your car will be attacked by a dingo or a tazmanian devil or whatever it is you crazy Aussies have down there, and will devour your automobile in one fell swoop. I would describe Mex as a Rubiks cube - you’re intrigued at first, but then it just gets to the point that you don’t care if everything is in the right place so long as the damn thing is still a cube, so you go on to play Operation and get third degree shock burns from excessively touching the sides. Every post makes your ass look fat, but you don’t got none if you don’t got buns, hon. Mex-you ask too many thought-provoking questions. Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have the town, why don’t you take it? You’re gonna make it after all. iGSM spells his name as such because he is actually owned and operated by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Incorporated. They were going to make a portable electronic replica of iGSM, but the bastard decided he didn’t WANT lots of money, so instead trademarked it in case anyone wanted to make a mockery of his name. He seems to be doing a fine job with that on his own, thank you very much.why flirt with Alex? you konw i'm here right? iGSM (i'm fascinated by the piojo) does he really exist? is he single? can i meet him? a monkey or a donkey? Mex |
| MexQueenFM 16.11.2004 14:04 |
Killaqueen!!! wrote: Bitch fight! Another question.... What's your favourite love song? I like 'Dont Want To Miss A Thing' by Aerosmith. Oh, and it cant be by Queen.you will be surprised i'm not a bitch i'm rather a slut Mex |
| MexQueenFM 16.11.2004 14:20 |
Killaqueen!!! wrote: Sorry about that Mex...slut fight!!!!now that sounds more appropiate *throwing a half eaten sandwich at Alex* Mex |
| SergeantPepperDG 16.11.2004 15:48 |
Have you ever been to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror? |
| Sonia Doris 16.11.2004 15:53 |
<font color=charm>Alex Solan<font> wrote: *ooops... this is my gay day...*hm...you naughty boy! :P |
| Sonia Doris 16.11.2004 15:58 |
have u ever eaten snakes that were still alive? |
| deleted user 16.11.2004 16:28 |
Lester, Suppose there were three gay men walking side by side and they encountered three lesbian women walking side by side, how will this situation relate to the death of Arafat and the sinking of the Andrea Doria? Answer in no less than 4 sentences, please. |
| MexQueenFM 16.11.2004 16:28 |
who was first? |
| MetzgerR 16.11.2004 17:00 |
'Nother question for you, Lester...don't you just love me? (No, that wasn't my question... gomen ne!) If you had your choice between pleasure, satisfaction, happiness, contentment, delight, and joy, which would you pick and why? Ja ne! |
| iGSM 16.11.2004 20:24 |
< That's true. Now, excuse me all. I have to take my Tasmanian devil out for a walk down near the billabong and milonga gilderchuck. |
| iGSM 16.11.2004 20:24 |
< That's true. Now, excuse me all. I have to take my Tasmanian devil out for a walk down near the billabong and milonga gilderchuck. |
| LiveAidQueen 16.11.2004 20:52 |
Do you guys really like my cakes? |
| iGSM 16.11.2004 22:22 |
No. I've eaten better sewer sludge than choke on the foul contents that you call 'cake'. Blech. |
| MetzgerR 16.11.2004 23:30 |
Hm...that sounds quite like my cooking...and baking, now that I think of it. Which now makes me think of another question for you: How well do you cook? Ja ne! |
| Sonia Doris 17.11.2004 05:43 |
hey...c'mmon guys! you know if you have a cooking question you should ask rog!!! anyway...what kinda cookies do u have? |
| Sonia Doris 17.11.2004 11:34 |
no one tells me what kinda cookies??? what color_ green?:P |
| MexQueenFM 17.11.2004 12:00 |
how can i help you? |
| MexQueenFM 17.11.2004 12:49 |
Alex S<br><font size=1>haha! 15"!<font> wrote:your wish is iGSM's commandMexQueenFM wrote: how can i help you?I need 2 open tickets to Amsterdam ;) |
| MexQueenFM 17.11.2004 16:05 |
Alex S<br><font size=1>haha! 15"! wrote: hmmm... el es rico? como tu?yo no soy rico! :shock: soy guapo no mas jajjaja |
| Sonia Doris 17.11.2004 17:22 |
ay ay ay chicos! he he what cookies??? need to know |
| iGSM 18.11.2004 18:46 |
I just want everyone to know Lester was right. I didn't feature in the Australian XI. Good show, old bean. |
| deleted user 18.11.2004 18:51 |
stop it fatty |
| Lester Burnham 19.11.2004 16:17 |
OK, judging by the time it took me to answer these questions, if you guys ask anymore, chances are I won't respond for a while. MetzgerR-very good question. Unfortunately, I lost my eyes in a tragic book-reading accident, so I haven’t been able to enjoy the books you mentioned. On the other hand, I’m absolutely in love with The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. Oh, Douglas Adams! Mex-Alex is just a one-time thing. I’m aware of your presence, but I’m merely trying to make you jealous. Did it work? iGSM existed at one point, but he’s actually like a star in the night - he’s burnt out years ago, but you really can’t tell. He’s merely just reposting stuff that’s lightyears away. Either that, or he’s in Australia, and nobody cares. Unfortunately, I like monkeys, but I’m both an assman and an ass, so...the writing’s on the wall there. Killaqueen-love song... ‘How To Be Dumb’ by Elvis Costello. Sorry, couldn’t think of anything funny. SgtPepper-yes, as a matter of fact, and I met up with my friend, and it turned out we both dressed as Janet, so we quickly turned away and never spoke to each other again. Sonia-yes, and let me tell you how much snakes don’t like to be eaten... bambam-well, you could always become philosophical and hypothesize on situations that could affect anybody’s clear reasoning and way of thinking. I, myself, like to take it on a grander scale and reference the works of Ghandi, who, as we know, was a silly little man who sat around in weird positions all day doing very little. We could all learn a lesson from that. Mex-Richard Simmons was first. MetzgerR-yes, I do. Oh, and I would pick happiness, because that’s what really matters in the long run. That, and (I can’t get no) satisfaction. iGSM-oi mate, throw another shrimp on the barbie! LiveAidQueen-I’ve never actually had one of your cakes, but I’d be willing to wager they wouldn’t be the worst thing I’ve ever eaten (see: my answer to Sonia). MetzgerR-I had a TV show once, called “Les Can Cook”, but as I’m not Asian, they gave it away to some fellow called Jan, though he pronounced his name “Yan”. What kind of a man is named Jan?!?! Sonia-my cookies are my own business, and nobody is allowed to see them. Mex-just go on being the lovable little rascal you’ve always been - that’s all the help I need. iGSM-sorry to hear that. I’m going to console you with this giant glazed ham. Here. Shanyaks-who are you calling fatty?!? Hem-I don’t like anyone. |
| Sonia Doris 19.11.2004 19:47 |
how much trouble is a mouse nowadays? |
| iGSM 19.11.2004 22:15 |
heh, I only have 9 toe nails. Take that everyone else with 10 or less than 9! |
| deleted user 19.11.2004 22:37 |
I'm glad to have ten, so there. |
| MetzgerR 20.11.2004 16:52 |
Hello again! Yet another question from...well, from me! What are guys really thinking when they give assurances that no, that dress really doesn't make one look fat? Ja ne! |
| MexQueenFM 20.11.2004 18:48 |
<font><font color=charm>Alex Solan<font> wrote: BECAUSE HE IS SooooooO CUTE... *aaahhh....*Agree completely! Lester is dreamy *drooling* |
| Lester Burnham 20.11.2004 21:05 |
Next round of questions for now. Seems that only MetzgerR is asking good questions, but I did say I would answer all questions, so here goes. Hem-like my Australian counterpart, I, too, only have nine toenails. I am without the big toenail on my right foot due to surgery nearly two years ago. I’ve gotten over the initial shock of this, and it looks kinda cool - it’s just white skin - but I miss Biggie. Ra’s secret-interesting, if not...peculiar, name. A mouse is a lot of trouble - certainly not any more than it was four years ago, but much more than it could have been in 1978. Linda-it got six pages of attention because of all my faithful followers. That, and because of what Alex and Mex said. Funnily enough, I don’t think anyone’s seen a picture of me, except for Alex, and it’s likely to remain that way. Unless... MetzgerR-I see you’re from the United States. I am too - what parts do you hail from? Anyway, when guys look at a girl in a dress, they are thinking about how much they want to see the girl OUT of the dress, so they say anything to make them feel better. In most situations, they’re right. And in my situation, I don’t want my girls to be those strung-out, thinner-than-a-rail looking ones we see in (American) society nowadays. A little bit of cushion for the pushin’ never hurt nobody. Anyway, it seems that we’re all running out of steam, so unless some other good questions are asked, I might just let this thread die. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to stop asking questions, but if you want to talk to me privately, just let me know. Hopefully, I’ve intrigued some of you. |
| iGSM 20.11.2004 21:49 |
Eat my trampoline. I'm missing the nail of my big toe from surgery two years ago too. I used to wear thongs ('flip flops as you foreigners call them) a lot but don't know. When you look at the toe side on it looks sort of like a shovel. I get called shovel toe more than you'd think. Actually I think it was 3 years ago. I had 3 operations in one year when I had 0 in 15 years prior. Lester, what do you think of Ioan Gruffudd? Cool enough to be Bond? Welsh enough to be me? |
| MetzgerR 20.11.2004 22:33 |
Hello again, Lester dear. So I ask good questions...I feel special! Although, seeing what many of the other questions are, I have a feeling that nearly anything might, by comparison, be considered a 'good question'. At least your answers are always entertaining, ne? I'm from Ohio originally (Go Buckeyes!!), but I'm in Tallahasse right now for school. What about you? As for my next question for this thread... Classical Ballet or Modern dance, and why? Ja ne! |
| Lester Burnham 20.11.2004 22:47 |
iGSM-I’m afraid to admit that I didn’t know who Ioan Gruffudd was (thanks to Firefox’s nifty Google search thingie, though, this was quickly rectified), but I will admit that he is a hunky man, and might do well as Bond. However, I’d personally go with Colin Farrel. MetzgerR-Florida, eh? Lovely. I currently reside just outside of Philadelphia (go Eagles?) in good ol’ PA. Eh, I’ve had no complaints so far. But I’m studying communications and drinking at Temple University. I regret to inform you that I’m not very well-versed in either modern dance or classical ballet, but would most likely prefer classical ballet. I couldn’t tell you why, because I simply don’t know very much about either. However, I’m an open-minded kinda guy, and would be willing to give anything a try once, just to see how I like it. Except for festooning - I can’t stand garland. |
| deleted user 20.11.2004 22:55 |
Lester, have you ever run through the streets of Philly while humming "Gonna Fly Now"? If not, what are you waiting for? ;^) |
| MetzgerR 21.11.2004 19:10 |
Wow, Philadelphia! That must be awesome! Other than Akron, Canton, and Cleveland, I'm completely unfamiliar with Northern cities. It must be absolutely beautiful now that it's winter up there...I'm so jealous! Hm...good choice with the classical ballet. I only took modern for a year and a half, but it confused me to death. Ballet, on the other hand, I've been taking since I was three. It's absolutely gorgeous...if you ever get a chance to see a good company, take it, it will be well worth it! If you end up being bored with this thread, since I'm about the only person really responding, you don't have to keep answering questions...I'm just a nosy bum, so don't feel obligated or anything! But, if it isn't a bother...What is the prettiest season in Philadelphia? It's got to be the spring in Florida, and autumn in Ohio...and Arizona looks the same all year around, so now I wonder when the rest of the country is looking its best... Ja ne! |
| MexQueenFM 21.11.2004 19:12 |
Lester, with all sincerity was Alex better? why couldn't it be Josue instead of Alex? what's your obsession with latinos? and again with iGSM, can we delete him from our brains? |
| iGSM 22.11.2004 01:32 |
*ghost voice* Nooooooooo Mex....you caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't.. etc, etc! |
| Sonia Doris 22.11.2004 04:00 |
how many times do you go dressed as iwtbf-rog on the streets? or freddie-iwtbf? |