QueenZone discussion #408318
QOL: RE JAKE
| -fatty- 2850 21.10.2004 12:51 |
This is a copy of a post I have just made on QOL regarding our old pal Jake Britt. I don't want to start another flaming war like the last one so I would appreciate it (as would everyone who is sick to fucking death of Jake) if we kept this to the one thread. I'm posting it here as well just in case Jake goes crying to the mods at QOL to have it deleted and I have invited the folks at QOL to come here and see what they are dealing with. Also in case they think I'm the only one with a beef against Jake, it might be an idea to add your own experiences with the foul one to this thread. thanks. I hate to say this but I told you so. In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, let me fill you in on a few details. We at Queenzone put up with Jake for months before he was banned (Jake belongs to an elite group of less than 5 people who have ever been banned from Queenzone, that just goes to show what a liberal bunch of folks we are) He disappeared for a while although he still spams people's e-mails and sends the odd death threat. Back in August I decided to pay a wee visit to QOL and checked my private message box. Lo and behold there was one from Jake. Here's what it said Fatty...... you're a fucking pervert. Post it on Queenzone. I'm going to hack your computer until you can't even cum over the nude kiddy pics anymore!!! You fucking idiot.... go rape your mother! A charming young fellow I think you'll agree. I confronted Jake in public on QOL but was advised to take it to the moderators which I did. I beleive Jake was warned in private but it was decided that he be given the benefit of the doubt. I disagreed with the mods decision but accepted it and withdrew from the board. I just dropped by for a wee visit and I'm sad to see that things haven't changed so I'll warn you all again. 1. Jake tells lots of lies. Not just the odd fib mind you, he simply cannot tell the truth and often contradicts himself in the same post. According to an old post he made on Queenzone, he left school years ago and was employed as a gardener. Now he is back at school. Give it a couple of weeks and he'll be drawing his old age pension and the week after he'll have nappy rash. So no matter what he tells you, take it with an extremely large pinch of salt as there is a nine in ten chance that it's a lie. 2. Jake posts under lots of user names. And I'm not just talking about changing his nickname. He pretends to be different people and will actually post conversations between himself. On Queenzone he used the following names Jake Scandal Scandals Bolens Bolensdriver Butterhook King of Queen Chris Eisold And that's just the ones I can remember. He got caught out when he answered himself using the same name. When he got found out he still would not accept it and said that the person he was talking to (Chris Eisold) was using the same computer and must have logged on with his password. Can you believe that? He's sitting next to the person he's talking to but they can only communicate by using an internet message board. So keep an eye out for people who say they know Jake personally and think he's a great guy. There's every possibility that they are Jake. 3. Jake is dangerous or at the very least threatening. If he decided to take a dislike to you, he will spam your in-box, send threatening and offensive e-mails or PMs or threaten to hack your computer. Thankfully he is too stupid to be able to do this but if you don't know him it's scary to think he might. To be on the safe side it's best not to open any e-mails from Jake just in case he works it out one day. 4. Jake is a coward. He hasn't the mental capacity to argue his case and so he runs away from them. Or he resorts to the childish war cry of 'YOU STARTED IT'. 5. Jake craves attention, good or bad. I know I am guilty of feeding the fire but it's important that you know this. His favourite form of attention is sympathy and he will tell some really horrible |
| deleted user 21.10.2004 13:01 |
That guy is something else. Hides with the use of a computer. Where is that sonofabitch and lemme slash his neck. |
| Josuè 21.10.2004 13:12 |
Very well written, fatty. I couldn't do it better. I fell in his lies and believed him. I used to chat with him throught MSN, and I regret it. He didn't told me any true thing, they were always lies. Always. He drove me crazy by senseless discussions and arguments between the both of us, and spaming my in-box. Human crap. |
| Brian_Mays_Wig 21.10.2004 14:24 |
Im holding him responsible for fuckin up 2 of my yahoo id's, teach me to post them on here! WANKER. |
| KillerQueen840 21.10.2004 14:56 |
I think that it's great that this is posted to keep people aware. |
| -fatty- 2850 21.10.2004 15:44 |
I think it might have worked and Kes has threatened to ban him...here's hoping fatty. |
| Robin 21.10.2004 16:38 |
This is now the second serious and much needed post by Fatty, the first was defending our Barb. Good job, Fatty. Now....do something funny! |
| wstüssyb 21.10.2004 17:06 |
Im still the first queen fan to have him pissed ^ ^ Like I ever piss any one off... |
| Bob The Shrek 21.10.2004 17:48 |
I wish I could remember some of the insults I used on him!! |
| NoOneButYou1975 21.10.2004 17:48 |
oh i've had my problems with Jake ....the spamming of the emails and insulting me after i have posted in QOL.... |
| LiveAidQueen 21.10.2004 18:03 |
He gives me the chills. |
| dragonzflame 21.10.2004 19:01 |
He is a creep, remember the thing with poor old FallenAngel? Nice work fatty, he deserved that :-) |
| Lester Burnham 21.10.2004 19:05 |
And yet...they still won't ban him. |
| Flashman 22.10.2004 03:43 |
Happy to oblige, but I ain't sure if I posted in the right place or not. Kind of took a subject at random. Speaking as a low life myself, and someone who revels in possessing not one jot of good nature or saving grace of any kind, I believe I am qualified to identify Jake Britt as an absolute maggot of a man. On your belly, worm! Time to be squashed underfoot and scraped along the kerb like so much horse shit. Though in your case sir, bull might be nearer the mark. |
| iGSM 22.10.2004 04:24 |
I remember when I tackled wits with Jake.. Er, not really. |
| The Real Wizard 22.10.2004 11:38 |
Hence why I prefer the unmoderated QZ. :) (99x out of 100, anyway) |
| Kingofrhye 22.10.2004 12:06 |
Fatty, many thanks for stepping in. The little cockspank still doesn't know who I am, and he's trying to accuse everyone over there of being me- hopefully it'll keep the little pleb busy enough to stay off of everyones' tits- until he gets banned, which is something we can all hope for! |
| Lennon [BE] 22.10.2004 17:40 |
I'm from QOL, I post there a lot but now I find that QOL changed with Jake. QOL is having a bad time now. I think Jake likes it that he has so much attention on QOL, I totally don't like it :( |
| Kingofrhye 23.10.2004 10:20 |
Quote from Barry- "the bas***** have deleted fatty's gospel thread" Don't worry- I anticipated that, and I quoted it and put it in my PM folder. I can bring it back up when he least expects it. In the meantime, I'll let the little twat puzzle himself over who I am over there! HAHAHAHA!!!!!! |
| NoOneButYou1975 23.10.2004 12:19 |
ugh. i dont see why he doesnt get banned from there...i'm just thinking he's kissin their ass ...and no i wont leave QOL ...he puts a spin on every GD thing ... |
| Brian's sweet sister 23.10.2004 17:24 |
"Jake tells lots of lies." I agree. He has made lots of lies up on QOL about me when he gets in his "angry" moods. Fucks sake he's a vicious little shit when he gets like that. |
| DidymusBrush 23.10.2004 20:01 |
QOL's resident furball, Sir Didymus here. The board has been in something of a rut for months - you'd be surprised how much they get away with over there. We've only had one ban, as opposed to your five - and if its not Jake posting his crap and filling inboxes [yes - he's done mine until I blocked all his email accounts he's used so far] its .GOD. spamming as if possessed by the spirit of a telletubby on mescalin. If there's any Queenzoners out there who fancy bringing some life back to a dying board - please don't hesitate to join us, be it in Queen discussion or mindless chitchat. We need more of you lot - Fatty's a shining example of how great you guys can be. I only don't post here because I'm shallow and hate the board system. Gimme proper post boxes, smilies and avatars anyday. :P ;) |
| fairydandy 23.10.2004 20:46 |
Rufus Didymus wrote: QOL's resident furball, Sir Didymus here. The board has been in something of a rut for months - you'd be surprised how much they get away with over there. We've only had one ban, as opposed to your five - and if its not Jake posting his crap and filling inboxes [yes - he's done mine until I blocked all his email accounts he's used so far] its .GOD. spamming as if possessed by the spirit of a telletubby on mescalin. If there's any Queenzoners out there who fancy bringing some life back to a dying board - please don't hesitate to join us, be it in Queen discussion or mindless chitchat. We need more of you lot - Fatty's a shining example of how great you guys can be. I only don't post here because I'm shallow and hate the board system. Gimme proper post boxes, smilies and avatars anyday. :P ;)You forgot the advertisment for the QOL WWRY meet up Didy. link All welcome...bring a friend (ok, so that's difficult, I understand, forget that bit ;-)) |
| Lester Burnham 23.10.2004 23:58 |
Didy! Excellent to see you here. I've been popping my head in, but I don't think I'm too welcome over there. Just a feeling I get. Not like I'm welcome here, either. |
| iGSM 24.10.2004 01:38 |
I guess Lester and I can go in to the 'biz together..but we'll need to formulate how our names go first. iGSM/Dr. Incontinence or iGSM/Burham sounds good. I'm registered with Queenonline but I'll be eaten alive for the life of me if I can remember my password. Or who I registered as. |
| Kingofrhye 24.10.2004 05:38 |
Rufus Didymus wrote: QOL's resident furball, Sir Didymus here. The board has been in something of a rut for months - you'd be surprised how much they get away with over there. We've only had one ban, as opposed to your five - and if its not Jake posting his crap and filling inboxes [yes - he's done mine until I blocked all his email accounts he's used so far] its .GOD. spamming as if possessed by the spirit of a telletubby on mescalin. If there's any Queenzoners out there who fancy bringing some life back to a dying board - please don't hesitate to join us, be it in Queen discussion or mindless chitchat. We need more of you lot - Fatty's a shining example of how great you guys can be. I only don't post here because I'm shallow and hate the board system. Gimme proper post boxes, smilies and avatars anyday. :P ;)Stuff the smilies and avatars- if no moderation gets rid of twats like Jake, while the mods on QOL remain powerless- it makes you wonder which board's got it right? |
| Lester Burnham 24.10.2004 10:23 |
iGSM wrote: I guess Lester and I can go in to the 'biz together..but we'll need to formulate how our names go first. iGSM/Dr. Incontinence or iGSM/Burham sounds good. I'm registered with Queenonline but I'll be eaten alive for the life of me if I can remember my password. Or who I registered as.Oh, I see, you're always first. How about Dr. and Mr. iGSM Incontinence? Or Dr. and Mr. Lester SM? Um...nevermind that last one. |
| NoOneButYou1975 24.10.2004 10:45 |
cupid_stunt wrote: I never spam anyone's inbox, unless, they are an idiot to me.seems you are the only idiot |
| -fatty- 2850 24.10.2004 10:56 |
I am re-posting some old stories about Jake for the folks at QOL, since they were deleted over there. THE BOOK OF WALLPAPER SAMPLES And for many months the people of Queenzone did stand around with faces that were long and did write things that were neither wise nor were they interesting. And God saw that it was bad. And God for reasons known only to himself did put apon the shores of Queenzone a young man. And the young mans name was Jake. And God said unto Jake 'Go thee among the people of Queenzone and make thy self as irritating as the biting insects. And God saw that it was good for Jake was as irritating as the biting insects And delude thyself in the belief that thy art a musician as fine as there art to be found apon my earth. And God saw that it was good for Jake was indeed deluded and thought himself a fine minstrel. And God did bless Jake with a face one would never tire of slapping. And God said unto Jake 'Take thy irritating, deluded, butt ugly self into the land of Queenzone and give those who art bored someone to laugh at.' And Jake did that and more. And the people did have a damn good laugh at the expense of Jake. And they did hark back to the good old days of Ted and did give thanks to God for Jake and the gift of laughter. And God saw that it was good. And so it came to pass that all was well in tha land of Queenzone again. But God did feel sad unto himself. For God did have no heroes. Nor did he have Idols, Nor did he have anyone to look up to. And God created Flashman. And God saw that it was good. Amen. And all was well in Queenzone for a while. The good lord Flashman did many vigins de-flower. And the beasts that God put apon the earth in threes and in fours were hunted for their skin with which Lord Flashman did clothe his many many wives. And all of Queenzone did rejoice for unto them had returned Holly that was called Haole. And Holly that is called Haole did speak unto those that had gathered and did say. I have returned to thee for I have been gone these past years in search of myself. I searched for myself across God's good earth and did return home to find myself on top of my wardrobe beside my dirty books and videos. And those that had gathered did give praise to God almighty, for Holly that is called Haole has returned. And Holly that is called Haole did say unto those gathered, call me not Holly that is called Haole, for it is a name I no longer abide with. Thou shalt now call me Holly that was called Haole but changed it back to Holly and added 2003. And the gathered did give praise to the Lord for the return of Holly that was called Haole but changed it back to Holly and added 2003. Yet Holly that was called Haole but changed it back to Holly and added 2003 did notice one of the gathered who was not smiling, nor was he rejoicing, nor was he giving thanks to the Lord for the return of Holly that was called Haole but changed it back to Holly. And he that did not rejoice was called fatty. And Holly that was called Haole but changed it back to Holly and added 2003 did speak unto fatty and did say. Art thou not pleased to see me. And fatty did speak unto Holly that was called Haole but changed it back to Holly and added 2003 and did say I art chuffed to fucking bits to see thee again but it's a bit of a cunt typing your name out and mine fingers are fucking sore. And Holly that was called Haole but changed it back to Holly and added 2003 did say unto fatty, never mind I shall take thee for a pint. And Holly that was called Haole but changed it back to Holly and added 2003 did take fatty and those others that had gathered for a pint. And fatty saw that it was good. And uopn reaching an inn whereby they could partake of refreshments they were met at the door by a stout Roman who spake unto them. And he did say thou shalt not pass for there art a maximum occupancy of 200 people in this inn. And one of the multitude did look through the window of the inn |
| -fatty- 2850 24.10.2004 10:57 |
QUEENZONE NUMPTIES ON PARKINSON And now on BBC1 it's Parkinson. DE DOODLEDI DOO DOO DOO DE DOODLEDI DOO DOO DOO DE DOODLEDI DOO DOO DOO DE DOODLEDI DOO DOO DOO DE DOODLEDI DOO DOO DOO DE DOODLEDI DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DEDOODLEDEE DOO DOO DOO DEDOODLEDEE DOO DOO (enter Michael Parkinson to rapturous applause) Parky: Thank you,thank you very much indeed. (applause dies down a little) Parky: Tonight my guestd are three of the most unpleasant people ever to have registered on a Queen fan internet site. Later on I'll be chatting to Ted Smegma, a poor unfortunate soul whose life has been made a living hell by black and homosexual Queen fans. We'll be talking to Jake Britt a little later on and he'll be performing a song from an album that only exists in his head. But first of all I'd like to introduce someone whose tall stories make Baron Munchausen look like he had taken an oath at the old bailey to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Ladies and gentleman please welcome Supertrouper. (orchestra plays the opening bars of Pinball Wizard as Supertrouper descends the stairs.) Parky: (shaking hands with ST) How nice of you to join us. ST: Don't mention it Michael, it's nice to be back again. Parky: Back again? ST: Yes I think this must be my 78th appearance on your show Michael, I think that's a record isn't it? Parky: But you've never been on my show before. This is the first time we have ever met. ST: No it's not, in fact I was the best man at your wedding. Parky (just starting to realise) Oh of course. You're lying aren't you? ST: No I'm not. Parky: Yes indeed. Now you're probably best known for your whopping great fibs. None more so than the barefaced lie about beating Brian May at pinball. Can you tell us where that story first started? ST: Well it all began in 1999. No in fact it was in 1963. No it was 1984. I was performing on Top of the Pops in this very studio as I had just released my first single and it had gone straight in at number one. No in fact I was the drummer with The Rolling Stones at the time. No I was in The Beatles. No it was the Rolling Stones. But I was the lead guitarist. (Parky starts making a rolling gesture with his hands in a vain attempt to get Supertrouper to get to the point of the story) ST: As I was saying Both Queen and I had been booked to play on Top of the Pops and they were having problems backstage because a hippo had escaped from London Zoo and eaten the bass player from Franke Goes To Hollywood... (By now Parky is hugging himself and rocking ack and forth in his chair) ST: Brian and I were backstage and he challenged me to a game of pinball to pass the time. Little did Brian know that I was in fact the UK champion pinball player and had a won a gold medal at the Moscow olympics... (Parky is now sobbing like a baby) ST: And to cut a long story short I beat him 3539 games to nil. (Parky is now staring at Supertrouper in total disbelief) ST: I swear it's all true and if it were otherwise may the good lord strike me dow...... (There is a blinding flash and the screen cuts to black) WE APOLOGISE FOR THE TEMPORARY LOSS OF PARKINSON. NORMAL SERVICE WILL RESUME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. (We return to the studio which is full of black smoke and two stagehands are removing a scorched chair) |
| -fatty- 2850 24.10.2004 10:58 |
Parky: My next guest, despite being born in Ireland and never having left until this very evening, claims to own a shop in the Blackhill area of Glasgow. For the past 10 years he has been fighting a losing battle against gangs of black homosexual Queen fans who have made his life a living hell. Please welcome Ted Smegma. (the orchestra plays a reggae version of Bohemian Rhapsody as Ted walks down the stairs, dragging his knuckles behind him) Parky: Nice to meet you. Ted: YOU NEED TO COP THE FUCK ON PARKY. THIS IS ALL A FUCKING COP OUT AND YOU NEED TO WAKE UP AND SMELL THE FUCKING COFFEE. Parky: Yes indeed. Can you tell us a little bit about the gangs of Que.. Ted: THEY NEED TO WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE. I AM NOT A RACIALIST BUT THE FUCKING PAKIS AND NIGGERS ARE JUST A FUCKING COP OUT. THEY NEED TO WAKE UP AND SMell the coff....... (Ted is staring into the audience) Ted: IS THAT A LADY? (Ted is pointing at an old woman in the third row of the audience) Ted: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LADY (Ted gets up, stands on the chair and starts to unzip himself. He then proceeds to masturbate furiously. 12 security men then pile on top of him before dragging him backstage. Parky: My third and final guest this evening has been described among other things as a walking contradiction, a sad lonely little boy and a complete cunt. Here to sing a song from an album that thankfully dosen't exist. Please welcome Jake Britt. (the audience applaud politely as Jake takes centre stage) OOOOOOOOOOH BABY THE MAN IN THE MOON HAS A GREAT BIG SPOON UP IN THE SKY REALLY REALLY HIGH OOOOOOOH BABY LA LA LA LA SOMETIMES I GET SO LONELY BUT I DONT CARE IDE LIKE TO FEEL YOUR TITS AND STROKE YOUR LONG BLONDE HAIR OOOOOOH BABAY WSTUSSYB IS A BASTARD SO IS FUCKING FLASHMAN I AM SO GREAT I AM SO GREAT I AM SO GREAT ITS GREAT TO BE A MOTHERFUCKER I AM A PRICK I KNOW ITS SUNNY IN THE DESERT BUT AT THE NORTH POLE THERE IS LOTS OF SNOW LA LA LA LA ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME Jake: thank you (The audience are staring at Jake and there is an uncomfortable silence) Parky: Thank you Jake that was...er....um....well it was unusual to say the least. Jake: I don't care what anyone else thinks. I wrote it for my friends. Parky: And what do they think of it? Jake: I don't care what they think. I wrote it so people could get to know me better. Parky: Ah now you see, you just contradicted yourself there Jake and that's what I'd like to talk about if I may. In your Autobiography 'PAY ATTENTION TO ME' you state on several occasions that you have contemplated suicide in the past. Jake: When did I say that? I have never said that I would kill myself. Parky: But it's here in your book. It's in black and white. Jake: Where? Where does it say that? Parky: It's right here on page 1. Again on page 3. And agin on pages 5,7,9,11,13,15,17,19,21,23,25,27,29,31 and 33. Jake: Yes but if you had read the book properly you will have noticed that on pages 2,4,6,8,10,12,14,16,18,20,22,24,26,28,30 and 32 I go on at great length about how fantastic I am and how I have so much to live for. Parky: Yes indeed. You also state in your book that you lost your virginity at the age of six. Jake: Yes that is correct. Parky: Can you tell us about that Jake: Well my mother used to work in a womens prison. Parky: Really? What did she do? Jake: Sewing mailbags, making brushes that sort of thing. Anyway I was staying with my grandparents while she was at work for the next 3 years and it was while I was there that I had sex for the first time. Parky: What did your grandparents have to say about that? were they aware that you were having sexual relationships at such a young age? Jake: My grandmother was prett |
| -fatty- 2850 24.10.2004 10:59 |
ARE YOU JAKE BRITT? With over 700 usernames to choose from it can be difficult to remember who the fuck you really are. You could be sitting at home right now thinking "Oh no, I could be Jake". Well fear not. By taking this simple test you determine whether or not you are a complete twat by answering ten simple questions and totting up your score at the end. 1. Which of the following best describes your looks? A. Whilst you may not make the cover of Cosmo, you take a pride in your appearance. When you go out at weekends you can be confident that there is at least ten or twelve people in the bar uglier than you. B. So you're no oil painting. Looks aren't everything you know. You can be sure that your personality makes up for not looking like Bradd Pitt. C. You look as if someone has been kneeling on your belly button and setting about your face with a hammer for a fortnight. 2. Which of the following best describes your parents? A. An old fasioned pair of squares. They don't like the music you listen to and the clothes you wear. Deep down though, they love you and you love them. B. They are the coolest parents in the world. They never hassle you with where are you goings and where have you beens. There are ground rules however and you know there is a line you shouldn't cross. C.Your mother sells her arse to seafaring gentlemen to supplement her drink problem and you have no idea who your father is. 3. When was the last time you saw the girl of your dreams? A. A few hours ago B. A few days ago c. At the court hearing when she filed a restraining order against you. 4. You are having a photo taken to put on your website. What kind of image are you trying to project and what do you wear in the photo? A. A smart and intelligent go-getter? Best wear a suit and tie B. Casual and laid back? Jeans and T-shirt will do fine. C. Mentally unbalanced transvestite? A green dress, eyeshadow and lipstick works every time. 5. Have you ever contemplated suicide? A. Yes B. No C. Yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no. 6. If you could own the car of your dreams, what kind of vehicle would you go for? A. A fast and flashy sportscar. B. Something economic and reliable. C. A fucking big tractor. 7. Which of the following best describes your sex life. A. You have had several sexual prtners over the past few years but you are looking for someone to settle down with. B. You avoid casual sex as much as possible and prefer to be in a stable relationship before you sleep with someone. C. You are hideously unnatractive to women and will remain a virgin until the day you die. You compensate for this by making up stories about popping your cherry at six years old. How fucking sad are you? 8. Which of the following best describes the last social event you attended. A. A black tie affair with valet parking, cocktail waitresses and dancing. B. An informal gathering of friends at a bar or party at someones home. C. A day at the duckpond, tied to your classmates around the waist so you don't get lost. 9. You consider yourself to be a talented singer/songwriter. Which of the following best describes your plan of action? A. Get together with a group of talented musicians, record some of your material and send off demos to record companies. Even if you don't get signed up it's still great fun. B. Keep the material to yourself. You don't crave fame or fortune, prefering to strum along on your guitar for your own pleasure. C. Pretend to be in a band already. Even go so far as to mock up album covers using the same badly taken photographs over and over agin. Then blow the whole story by posting your badly written ramblings on a public notice board for all the world to see. 10. Which of the following best describes your circle of friends? A. A select few who you depend on and who you know will stick with you through thick and thin, good times and bad. B. A large |
| -fatty- 2850 24.10.2004 10:59 |
JAKE'S DIARY February 5th 2003 Woke up this morning and the bed was bone dry. That's three days in a row. Mommy says if I can make it a week she will take the rubber sheets off. The big yellow bus that takes me to the day care centre, didn't come today so I had to walk. By the time I got there I was late for basket weaving. In the afternoon we made Valentines cards out of cardboard, elbow macaroni and sprinkles. I am giving my card to my Mommy, because I have just broken up with my girlfriend. We were moving in different directions. I had to take lawnmower lessons and she had to go for her pre-school booster shots. The court injunction her parents took out on me didn't help either. I am going of to record a couple of tracks with my band now so I will stop writing. February 6th 2003 Woke up this morning and after changing the bedclothes I went down for breakfast. I was just biting into my fourth cheeseburger when Mommy asked me why I spent four hours hiding in a bush at the bottom of the garden last night. I told her it wasn't me and that I was in the recording studio all last night but she didn't believe me. Tonight I will have to hide in next door's garden. February 14th 2003 Woke up this morning with a sore back, Mommy says I will have to keep sleeping in the bath until I learn to control my bladder. I got lots of Valentines cards this morning. There were cards from Bolensdriver, Willy Features, Only Bijou, Bolansdriver, Scandals, ScAnDals, King Of Queen and Chris Bingo. Mommy started crying. At the day care centre they have a new computer with internet access. Mr Peterson says if I can go a whole day without telling lies I can have a shot. May 5th 2003 I came out of the coma today and Mommy has tied pillows to the corners of all the furniture in the house. Mr Peterson says that as I have been clinically dead for the past three weeks and unable to tell lies I can have a shot of the internet. I am going to find a message board about a rock group and pretend I like them. That way I can make up stories about how great I am, and nobody will realise that I am a sad and lonley individual. June 1st 2003 Still working on making friends. I just can't figure out where I am going wrong. |
| -fatty- 2850 24.10.2004 11:00 |
THE BALLAD OF JAKE BRITT Come gather round you Zoners listen to my tale of woe. This song's about a boy called Jake, who some of you might know. Born with a face like a gibbon's ass, and his breath it smelled like shit. His Mommy took one look and said "Let's call the cunt Jake Britt." Well Jake was an ugly baby, least that's what the townsfolks said. The Sherrif asked his mother if she'd smacked him round the head. His Mom said "Don't be silly." And it broke her poor old heart How the fuck was she supposed to tell his head and ass apart. Jake grew up on the family farm, feedin cows and pigs Till the Humane Society found them dressed in ball gowns, pearls and wigs. They told him sex with animals, Was a sinful thing to do. And although it was never proved in court, he fucked the chickens too. When Jake was only six years old he got himself a girl. She was young and she was pretty with a headful of golden curls. And Jake knew that to have sex with her, was mighty sinful thing Not because she was underage, but because she had died last spring. Every night when the moon came up, so did Mary Jane. He'd have his wicked way with her then bury her again. And just as quick as they had started, Jake cancelled all their dates When some do-gooding bastard went and locked the cemetry gates. Jake was all alone again with nothing much to do. With all that free time on his hands, his balls were black and blue. "I need myself a hobby," "For the sake of my right hand." Young Jake he had a swell idea and started up a band. With Santa Clause on lead guitar, the tooth fairy on bass The Easter Bunny played the drums, while Jake was the band's face They did a tour of Brigadoon and Never Never Land And everyone inside Jake's head was a big fan of the band. Well it's a crazy life is Rock'n'Roll and now the band has split. It was a cross between artistic differances and the fact that they were shit. And with all his dreams in tatters, and with no place left to hide. Jake's only option left was to commit suicide. He swallowed some pills and then he passed out on the bed, They were Viagra and rigor mortis set in before the cunt was dead. At the hospital, they pumped his guts and sent the bugger home Those meddlin fuckin doctors couldn't leave well enough alone. So now Jake's here at Queenzone and so are all his friends Scandal, Bolens, Buterhook the list it never ends. And he keeps us entertained with his bullshit and his lies That's not to say we'd be upset if the stinking fuckwit dies. |
| wstüssyb 24.10.2004 16:29 |
lol love some of this shit |
| dragonzflame 25.10.2004 02:49 |
I loved that last one! Classic as always. Those were good times...it's a mark of how shite things are now that I'm saying that now. |
| deleted user 12.11.2004 11:49 |
LOL very funny, fatty. If one didnt know any better one would say you were an author....... |
| Pluto 12.11.2004 21:45 |
I joined in the middle of the "Jake Wars" and at first i felt bad for him until some people told me what was going on. Why wont the moditers ban him? I thought that was the reason for having them. Oh Well life goes on. |
| eissek 30.11.2004 23:46 |
Apparently only the administrators can ban people. The moderators can remove the posts, but not the posters. |
| Black Swan 02.12.2004 00:13 |
Just thought you here at Queenzone would like to know that Jake was banned by Delilah this evening/morning...for good! Good riddance I say! Honey Taylor |
| Lester Burnham 02.12.2004 00:17 |
Black Swan wrote: Just thought you here at Queenzone would like to know that Jake was banned by Delilah this evening/morning...for good! Good riddance I say! Honey TaylorWhat for? I didn't even know he was up to no good. What was it that got him banned? |
| iGSM 02.12.2004 00:31 |
Being a prat, I guess. |
| Lester Burnham 02.12.2004 00:41 |
You just had to go out on that limb, didn't you. |
| iGSM 02.12.2004 00:52 |
Yes? |
| Lester Burnham 02.12.2004 01:01 |
You won't shout as I fiddle about. |
| iGSM 02.12.2004 01:20 |
You're just jealous I can say all the states of America in under a second. *AAAAAAH!* |
| Lester Burnham 02.12.2004 16:05 |
iGSM wrote: You're just jealous I can say all the states of America in under a second. *AAAAAAH!*I swear, you're my Australian doppelganger. |
| Kingofrhye 02.12.2004 19:41 |
Hallelujah- QOL have finally seen sense- after a petition, a breakaway forum, and god knows what else- talk about quick off the mark... <_< |
| Lester Burnham 02.12.2004 19:43 |
Anybody here know why he was banned? |
| Kingofrhye 04.12.2004 10:49 |
Kingofrhye wrote: Hallelujah- QOL have finally seen sense- after a petition, a breakaway forum, and god knows what else- talk about quick off the mark... <_<Update- some halfwit has started a campaign to bring Jake back on QOL!!! [URL]link I haven't had a good laugh like this in ages!!! |
| MetzgerR 04.12.2004 16:44 |
From what I've heard about Jake, I'm shocked to find that someone who seems to be so genuinely nice is able to defend him so staunchly! Sheesh, but what Jake did to one of the posters at QOL sounds absolutely, completely, beyond inexcusable. I don't post at QOL, but that was enough to make me extremely grateful he was finally banned... Ja ne, minna. |
| Tamlyn 04.12.2004 20:44 |
I think the poor guy thinks Jake is his friend. I think Jake has been pretending to be his good and innocent friend and, therefore, the guy with the petition really doesn't understand what is happeing all over the net.
And, yes, what Jake did to the poster on QOL was horrible, indeed. I've seen it, myself, and if I were that other poster, I would have been terribly upset. Having the cruelty to make fun of a dying parent is about as low as a person can go. >:-/
MetzgerR wrote: From what I've heard about Jake, I'm shocked to find that someone who seems to be so genuinely nice is able to defend him so staunchly! Sheesh, but what Jake did to one of the posters at QOL sounds absolutely, completely, beyond inexcusable. I don't post at QOL, but that was enough to make me extremely grateful he was finally banned... Ja ne, minna. |
| Tamlyn 04.12.2004 21:59 |
ok......... |
| Kingofrhye 04.12.2004 22:28 |
He's Back! 0_0 scandal87 has joined QOL.......... |
| Tamlyn 04.12.2004 22:29 |
Yea, I know. :roll: |
| Tamlyn 05.12.2004 00:14 |
You guys don't have a PM feature on here, do you????? |