| -fatty- 2850 13.10.2004 07:30 |
On November 19th 1991, George Gavin Baxter (a freelance journalist with a hair lip and national health spectacles) conducted the last ever interview with Freddie Mercury in the living room of Garden Lodge. Sadly on his way home to Greenock, George died peacefully in his sleep while at the wheel of his car which was heading northwards on the M1 at 98mph. George was scooped into several plastic bags and the car (a green 1982 Skoda) was taken to Dalton's scrapyard in Glasgow where it lay undisturbed for the next 13 years. On October 4th 2004, Mr Ted Smegma, a shopkeeper from Glasgow went to Dalton's Scrapyard to look for a wing mirror for his pale blue three wheeled disabilty car, the original having been ripped off by a gang of Rastafarian Queen fans outside his shop. Finding a suitable replacement, Mr Smegma purchased the mirror from the scrapyard owner for the perfectly reasonable sum of £3,000. he even threw in an old car stereo to seal the bargain. Back home, Mr Smegma realised that there was still a tape in the stereo and when he played it back he couldn't beleive his ears. He got in touch with me last weekend and I purchased the tape in exchange for a small bag of magic beans. I will now post the transcript of the tape in it's entirity but before reading be warned that die-hard Queen fans may not like what they are about to read and should bear in mind that not a single word of this is the truth. (Tape clicks on) GGB: Okay, could you say something for the level? FM: Is this going to take long? GGB: That's fine. Okay this is an interview conducted by myself George Gavin Baxter and Freddie Mercury, lead singer with the rock band Queen. I'm sitting in the living room of Garden Lodge, Freddie's London home on Wednesday the 19th of November 1991. Freddie, before we look back at your remarkable career can I ask you to scotch the rumours that have been circulating recently with regards to your health. FM: Well between you and me George, and I would appreciate it if you could keep this to yourself until we release the statement on Saturday, I have in fact been diagnosed with AIDS and I don't expect to last another week. GGB: So the rumours are true. FM: I'm afraid so. GGB: Can you tell us how you contracted the disease. FM: I caught it from an infected needle while I was undergoing a medical in New York back in 1974. GGB: So you contracted AIDS from a needle and not another man. FM: Another man? GGB: Yes. FM: How on earth could I have caught it from another man? GGB: Unprotected anal sex? FM: Are you implying that I drop anchor in Poo Bay? GGB: You mean you're not gay. FM: Of course I'm not. Where in God's name did you ever get that idea? GGB: I'm dreadfully sorry it's just that I always imagined you we.. FM. Do I really come across as a jobbie jabber? GGB: Well it's just that... FM: Listen pal, I've been ball deep in more gash than you've had hot dinners. GGB: I'm sorry I just always thought tha... F.M: I mean for fuck's sake, what do you think Bohemian Rhapsody is all about? GGB: Well that was a question I was coming to. F.M : I'ts about a guy who catches AIDS from an infected needle while undergoing a medical in New York in 1974. I always assumed it was perfectly clear in the lyrics. GGB: How interesting. FM: There's hee-haw interesting about it, it's fucking obvious. GGB: So how would you like to be remembered when you're gone? FM. Well we discussed having some kind of memorial to me in the centre of London but to be perfectly honest, I'd rather the fans came here and scrawled messages on the walls outside. GGB: What do you think the rest of the band will do when you're gone FM: We have spoken about this and John is keen to tour as a three piece band with Roger and Brian sharing the vocals but Brian want's to concentrate on milking the fans for as much money as he can while at the same time dragging the band's good name throu |
| PrincesofTheUniverse 13.10.2004 07:37 |
lmfao...very good Fatty, as always! :o) |
| juls 13.10.2004 07:44 |
Mr Smegma :D LÖL |
| SergeantPepperDG 13.10.2004 08:36 |
Hilarious. |
| Scirocco1977 13.10.2004 08:38 |
This Smegma guy is obviously a reference to the late Mrs Smegma who tried not to be seen in a Monty Python sketch. So, we all know now where fatty's idea come from. And for all of you who don't know what smegma is check out your dictionaries. (Men can certainly find out in a totally different way). Cheers and bon appetit |
| Fenderek 13.10.2004 08:46 |
LOL |
| Daburcor? 13.10.2004 10:12 |
I KNEW IT! |
| Brian_Mays_Wig 13.10.2004 10:35 |
Pisser *applauds* |
| The Real Wizard 13.10.2004 12:10 |
Not fatty's best, but still great. |
| brENsKi 13.10.2004 12:30 |
statty Bot Fest, nut grill beat the Reverend Spooner |
| FriedChicken 13.10.2004 12:52 |
This is your best work so far Fatty. I think you should put them all in a book and make good money out of it |
| deleted user 13.10.2004 13:14 |
hits the spot again! LOL fatty. thanks for all of that. |
| Matti 13.10.2004 15:29 |
Lol. That was a good one. :) |
| LiveAidQueen 13.10.2004 17:57 |
Hehehehehhehe |
| ready_freddie? 14629 14.10.2004 01:42 |
lol |
| djaef 14.10.2004 03:32 |
that was great. It could have been longer though :) |
| Brian_Mays_Wig 14.10.2004 03:34 |
djaef wrote: that was great. It could have been longer though :)Some people just arent happy!! That would have taken me a year to think up!! lol Welcome to QZ!! |
| Little_Queenie 14.10.2004 06:09 |
Not the best, but still great!!! Fatty spoiled us:)), we only expect hilarious things... |
| Sonia Doris 14.10.2004 06:35 |
when are u going to publish a book with all of these? i think it would be a worldwide bestseller :) |
| deleted user 14.10.2004 08:29 |
Oh Boy......heheheheh ;-) amazing |
| deleted user 14.10.2004 13:02 |
djaef wrote: that was great. It could have been longer though :)just wondering, do you post at backchat too? |
| high-flying-adored 14.10.2004 17:53 |
Exactly what I needed to cheer me up. That was tremendous, darling. :) |
| rhapsody__87 14.10.2004 21:17 |
"FM. Oi Pheobe! This specky bastard just accused me of being a harry hoofter." HAHAHAHA that was great. |
| Fenderek 17.10.2005 07:56 |
Reminder |
| deleted user 17.10.2005 08:03 |
THAT'S supposed to be funny!? Your really need your heads examaning. |
| Fenderek 17.10.2005 08:04 |
Pity you have no sense oh humour... |
| Serry... 17.10.2005 08:10 |
All Queens People wrote: THAT'S supposed to be funny!? Your really need your heads examaning.Didn't you leave us? |
| john bodega 17.10.2005 09:30 |
Meh... it's not outrageously funny. I can see why you guys laugh, it's pretty outlandish stuff. But meh - I guess I laugh at different kinds of things. |
| deleted user 17.10.2005 09:39 |
Serry... wrote:Who are you to say when I'm leaving? I said I will leave if you don't stop being stupid and posting rubbish topics. And it's not funny. You might think it is in your twisted little mind but it isn't. Stop thinking your the royalty of the forum and get off your high horse. And buy a sense of humour while your at it you idiot.All Queens People wrote: THAT'S supposed to be funny!? Your really need your heads examaning.Didn't you leave us? |
| Serry... 17.10.2005 10:03 |
All Queens People wrote:And who the fuck are you to put the ultimatum of what should we do for staying you with us - with royal idiots like me?Serry... wrote:Who are you to say when I'm leaving? I said I will leave if you don't stop being stupid and posting rubbish topics. And it's not funny. You might think it is in your twisted little mind but it isn't. Stop thinking your the royalty of the forum and get off your high horse. And buy a sense of humour while your at it you idiot.All Queens People wrote: THAT'S supposed to be funny!? Your really need your heads examaning.Didn't you leave us? "And buy a sense of humour" Who are you talking with? With yourself? Alright, it's a good habit! Modern doctors know how to solve this problem, don't worry. |
| deleted user 17.10.2005 10:17 |
Your so pathetic I can't descibe it in words. You few idiots have to reply to anyone who talks about you. I'm sick of you and your stupid comments and crap topics. Don't talk down to me, you really do need a sense of humour not a sick stupid mind. |
| Serry... 17.10.2005 10:24 |
All Queens People wrote: You few idiots have to reply to anyone who talks about you. I'm sick of you and your stupid comments and crap topics.So leave us right now and make your own QZ. |
| inu-liger 17.10.2005 10:46 |
And your profile says you're 20....I think 13's more like it |
| deleted user 17.10.2005 10:47 |
Really? So you bothered to look at my profile.I can assure you I won't look at yours. Some of you are supposed to be 30ish. Give me a break! I can write what I want seeing as most of you do! |
| Fenderek 17.10.2005 10:56 |
*double post, sorry* |
| Fenderek 17.10.2005 11:00 |
And it's not funny. You might think it is in your twisted little mind but it isn't.You of course know what is funny and what isn't. You probably know exactly what is wrong and what is right. You also know... well- you know everything, don't you? The meaning of life perhaps... Wow- next time when I'll be in doubt if I like something or not I'll ask you- you'll know, right? You have the kknowledge of what exactly should make certain people laugh and what exactly should make them cry... C'mon- they should feel and be exactly like you, shouldn't they? Oh give me a break... Yawn... |
| deleted user 17.10.2005 11:03 |
Fenderek wrote:I know alot more than you for instance you can't even spell Knowledge. Go back to school and learn some literacy.And it's not funny. You might think it is in your twisted little mind but it isn't.You of course know what is funny and what isn't. You probably know exactly what is wrong and what is right. You also know... well- you know everything, don't you? The meaning of life perhaps... Wow- next time when I'll be in doubt if I like something or not I'll ask you- you'll know, right? You have the **KKnowledge** of what exactly should make certain people laugh and what exactly should make them cry... C'mon- they should feel and be exactly like you, shouldn't they? Oh give me a break... Yawn... |
| Serry... 17.10.2005 11:17 |
All Queens People wrote: I know alot more than youReally? So who told you that Queen formed in 1971? I thought it was 1970, but your site says it was in 1971... Or it's all taken from QOL? |
| Mr Mercury 17.10.2005 11:42 |
Lets get this thread back on track again. This was a great post by Fatty, but not his best as I would imagine Fatty would agree with hindsight. |
| Fenderek 17.10.2005 11:57 |
All Queens People wrote:What a pathetic cheap shot when it's so obvious it's a typo... Plus the fact that English is not my first language. Plus the fact taht you completely missed the whole point, focused on one typo and think that you won an argument. Pathetic.Fenderek wrote:I know alot more than you for instance you can't even spell Knowledge. Go back to school and learn some literacy.And it's not funny. You might think it is in your twisted little mind but it isn't.You of course know what is funny and what isn't. You probably know exactly what is wrong and what is right. You also know... well- you know everything, don't you? The meaning of life perhaps... Wow- next time when I'll be in doubt if I like something or not I'll ask you- you'll know, right? You have the **KKnowledge** of what exactly should make certain people laugh and what exactly should make them cry... C'mon- they should feel and be exactly like you, shouldn't they? Oh give me a break... Yawn... And anyway- spelling error? When I was replying to you I wasn't THAT focused on correct typing. Not worth it... Now read my signature- I made taht few weeks ago, every day there's some moron to whom it applies. I'm done in this thread with you. Yawn... I'm so bored at work... yawn... |
| deleted user 17.10.2005 17:03 |
Fenderek wrote:Tut tut tut! Bad spelling again. You should go back to the anger management it'll do you good. Don't put it all my way and learn how to spell. I don't care if, in your poncy whiney voice 'English isn't my first language', if you are going to write on this forum in an English language learn how to spell the flippin' words!All Queens People wrote:What a pathetic cheap shot when it's so obvious it's a typo... Plus the fact that English is not my first language. Plus the fact taht you completely missed the whole point, focused on one typo and think that you won an argument. Pathetic. And anyway- spelling error? When I was replying to you I wasn't THAT focused on correct typing. Not worth it... Now read my signature- I made taht few weeks ago, every day there's some moron to whom it applies. I'm done in this thread with you. Yawn... I'm so bored at work... yawn...Fenderek wrote:I know alot more than you for instance you can't even spell Knowledge. Go back to school and learn some literacy.And it's not funny. You might think it is in your twisted little mind but it isn't.You of course know what is funny and what isn't. You probably know exactly what is wrong and what is right. You also know... well- you know everything, don't you? The meaning of life perhaps... Wow- next time when I'll be in doubt if I like something or not I'll ask you- you'll know, right? You have the **KKnowledge** of what exactly should make certain people laugh and what exactly should make them cry... C'mon- they should feel and be exactly like you, shouldn't they? Oh give me a break... Yawn... |
| inu-liger 17.10.2005 17:45 |
You (AQP) should take a lesson in HUMOUR (and NO I'm not misspelling "Humour"! We spell it with a 'u' here in Canada), and think outside that box of yours (which some might technically call a BRAIN) |
| deleted user 17.10.2005 18:38 |
Oooooh you used a big word 'technically'. Impressive. Listen I don't care where you are from just as long as you stay there. |
| inu-liger 17.10.2005 19:12 |
All Queens People wrote: Oooooh you used a big word 'technically'. Impressive. Listen I don't care where you are from just as long as you stay there.And miss out on the WWRY Musical?? No thank you! |
| deleted user 17.10.2005 19:14 |
Please just stay there if that's even where your from. |
| Suigi 17.10.2005 21:36 |
*falls down again* Classic. |
| john bodega 18.10.2005 00:22 |
With regards to Fatty's post: The only humour I see in this is it's non-sequiter style, and the way "Freddie" takes the piss out of the "Interviewer". But come on people... a character called "Smegma"? For one, Smeg is a word used with far greater effect in the show Red Dwarf. Fatty ain't funny, I'm sorry. I know I'm hardly in a position to tell you this (with my constant "UPLOAD FACE IT ALONE" bullshit) but really... he's a little funny, but that's it. Nothing to argue over. Which brings me to this: Arguing? Again! Hahaa, and I thought it was just ME that "All Queen's People" hated. I thought our argument in the Freddie's Ring thread was far better though. This stuff is cheap. Again, if fatty were hugely funny in a Billy Connolly way, I could understand why you'd argue over him. But it's just some twit on the internet, give it up. |
| Fenderek 18.10.2005 03:39 |
Zebonka12 wrote: Arguing? Again! Hahaa, and I thought it was just ME that "All Queen's People" hated. I thought our argument in the Freddie's Ring thread was far better though. This stuff is cheap.Cheap and pathetic. But who cares? I've got nothing better to do at work, she obviously spends her free time doing this... If she's got nothing better to do... And hey- look who's talking about anger managment ;) |
| Fairy 18.10.2005 06:33 |
Loved it, except for the references on AIDS. I can't seem to laugh on those things even when they're meant as a joke. Fairy |
| john bodega 18.10.2005 07:19 |
"And hey- look who's talking about anger managment ;)" Hah, when have I ever been really angry? |
| Mayboy 18.10.2005 07:22 |
Wonderful stuff Fatty!! :D |
| Fenderek 18.10.2005 07:26 |
Zebonka12 wrote: "And hey- look who's talking about anger managment ;)" Hah, when have I ever been really angry?NOT YOU :) Talking about AQP... :) |
| john bodega 18.10.2005 08:46 |
Bahahah. Truth be told, I could use some anger management. |
| Asterik 06.11.2005 06:41 |
<font color=red>All Queen's People wrote: Please just stay there if that's even where your from.Grow up and appreciate some humour. We can't all help it if you like All God's people. |
| deleted user 06.11.2005 09:31 |
I'll comment how I like. Most of you do anyway. This is a forum for God sake. |
| OgreBattleField1980 07.11.2005 16:25 |
*shakes my head in disgust* Anyhow nice post for fatty here... one of the many reason why im still here. As for You AQP , you my friend need to grow up. Life isnt about ruining other peoples happiness. If you arent happy with the way things are just leave. Bitching about it will never change it. |
| 7Innuendo7 08.11.2005 07:43 |
thanks fatty that was awesome LOL! |
| deleted user 08.11.2005 18:11 |
OgreBattleField1980 wrote: *shakes my head in disgust* Anyhow nice post for fatty here... one of the many reason why im still here. As for You AQP , you my friend need to grow up. Life isnt about ruining other peoples happiness. If you arent happy with the way things are just leave. Bitching about it will never change it.Please, what's next offering your home to the homeless? |
| Sherwood Forest 08.11.2005 20:50 |
OMG FATTY i just had the worst day of my life and then i read this,and im crying in laughter- please write more this is so great!!!! you are te best! |
| Mercuryking 09.11.2005 09:42 |
this thread was not funny at all and "All queens people" is right , You guys have the strangest humour.. And its disrespectful to freddie , joking about him in his last days like that, like something funny is about to happen him. |
| gr8kingrat 09.11.2005 12:39 |
"drop anchor in Poo Bay" LOLOLOLOL! |
| OgreBattleField1980 10.11.2005 19:41 |
<font color=red>All Queen's People wrote:OgreBattleField1980 wrote: *shakes my head in disgust* Anyhow nice post for fatty here... one of the many reason why im still here. As for You AQP , you my friend need to grow up. Life isnt about ruining other peoples happiness. If you arent happy with the way things are just leave. Bitching about it will never change it.Please, what's next offering your home to the homeless? (George Carlin) Are you kidding me with this asshole over here? What an asshole! Offering my home to the homeless? To me that would be a nobel gesture cosidering from the way you reply to posts you wouldnt have the balls or tits to do such a nice thing. There are people in this world who need places to live but no body gives two shits about em. So Yes I would entertain that idea. What a lovely idea it is thank you AQP. You may have just won me the humanitarian of the year award. Thank you!! Believe me if I could help every last person who suffered from Hurricane Katrina I would , including you. You may have tried to insult me just now but I dont see it as that. I find it quite funny that you would even mistake me as someone so cold hearted. You my dear need the heart, your soul is as cold as Ebeneezer Scrooge. I could go further than this but unlike you I dont need insults to brighten my day. |
| no one but you 28112 18.12.2005 06:21 |
this is so not his last interwiew. it is somebodys bad joke. Freddie had a boyfriend so he could not say that he is heterosexual, and he could not get aids or virus hiv in 1974 becouse that viruse and aids did not existed untill 1981. |
| flash! 28068 18.12.2005 10:28 |
it is kinda funny but very disrespectful! Your just taking the piss...you wouldnt like it if you got aids and we starting making jokes...tut tut! very bad! And another thing...WHY ON EARTH DID YOU POST THIS IN THE 'SERIOUS DISCUSSION' SECTION??? its not serious at all, its just a cheap joke! Not only would Freddie find it offensive but i and many others would too! You can't joke about aids or any illness for that matter because their are other people out there right now suffering from it! tut tut tut...honestly, if your mother were here she would give you a spanking! |
| flash! 28068 18.12.2005 13:29 |
so, dearest thomas, i do apoligise as i hardly know this comical character called fatty... and i understand his funnyness, i guess its just light-hearted but it shouldn't of been put in the serious discussion, my dear... |
| Freya is quietly judging you. 18.12.2005 14:28 |
no one but you wrote: this is so not his last interwiew. it is somebodys bad joke. Freddie had a boyfriend so he could not say that he is heterosexual, and he could not get aids or virus hiv in 1974 becouse that viruse and aids did not existed untill 1981.Oh dear god.. |
| Ian_snake 18.12.2005 14:47 |
how do we even know if this is the offical last interview of Freddie and how do we know fatty isn't giving us crap? |
| turini 18.12.2005 15:36 |
is this true interview? |
| Crazy LittleThing 18.12.2005 16:16 |
Angelo_ramerez wrote: how do we even know if this is the offical last interview of Freddie and how do we know fatty isn't giving us crap?fatty give us crap? Please sir, immediately go and wash your mouth out with soap. Good lord! The very idea! Dreadfully sorry, fatty, but this is an open forum and anyone can post. What's a mother to do? |
| The Fairy King 18.12.2005 19:09 |
Nice one Fatty! xD Without u, this board would be just one boring pile of *TIMMAAAY!* Keep em coming. |
| kagezan1313 19.12.2005 10:54 |
This thread is well over a year old. For those of you who missed the BBC newsclip, fatty (aka Scott Simpson) traveled from Edinburgh to London on November 24th of this year and emmoliated himself (set himself on fire) under the cherry tree at Garden Lodge. Very sad. Bystanders are said to have heard him scream "Bohemian Rhapsody...it's so fucking obvious!" before exploding in a fat-fueled fireball that took all of Logan Mews with it. Please support fatty's family by buying his books, available here: link |