So. My mother has a history of being a controlling whore bitch, but today's news takes the cake ...
My grandfather was diagnosed with a fast-acting form of cancer a few months ago. I last talked to him on the 20th of August, before going away to school on the 22nd.
about an hour ago, I decided to give my mother a ring since I hadn't talked to her for a few days. I chatted to my dad for a bit first, and then she got on. Somewhere in the conversation she decided to mention that my grandfather had died. FOUR WEEKS AGO.
The 21st, the day after I had spoken to him. And she decided not to tell me until I was "settled in." So she was lying to me for weeks, and had my whole family lying to me. So here I was worrying myself, all alone, with no friends yet, and he'd already died.
What a fucking bitch.
And so, of course, I've missed the funeral ...
Wow....that's just wrong!! I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather.
My mother is the same way. I haven't talked to her in 4 years now. I'm sad because basically I don't have a mother now. But, I'm also relieved that I don't have to put up with her bullshit anymore. Life is tough enough sometimes without having a parent like that. I know.....
Cheer up...you're not alone =)
I know how you feel UP. I didn't get to say goodbye to my aunt because of my mom. But I in turn refused to go to the memorial since I hadn't gotten to see her (and also because of a cousin I hate).
Also, mom waited a month to tell me she had remarried when I was little. My brothers and everyone else knew of course. It sucks when you find out you're the last to know such important family news.
I fight with my mom all the time, but we're still close. Just yesterday I ended a phone conversation with "Oh fuck off bitch" but we talked again later and all was fine :-P
deleted user 16.09.2004 10:48
Wow, I'm sorry about that. The nerve of some people :(
That's horrible to hear, UP. I've had my fair share of family issues as well.
We QZers are here to listen and help if needed, if you ever need a place to vent again. :)
I hate when people don't treat each other right. We are all guilty of it.
I'm sorry you missed the funeral UP. I'm sorry you didn't get the closure you needed. I know how important that is.
Do you believe Mom when she says she didn't tell you bc she wanted you to get settled at school? Or do you think she was just being mean by not telling you? Either way its no excuse but I'm just wondering if there is some hidden grudge she has with you. I can't think of any reason good enough to not tell you your Gpa has passed. The only reason I could possibly think of is if you yourself had some heart condition or some condition where any amount of stress or grief would kill you. I just can't think of any excusable reason for her to not let you grieve properly for your Gpa.
I myself missed my Gpa's funeral. He died June 27th, 2003. I didn' miss it bc my Mom didn't tell me though. I was due any day to have my son and the funeral was out of town. My Dr. advised me not to go. He said he wasn't telling me I couldn't but warned me that I was taking the risk of having the baby out of town in a strange hospital, strange Dr. that had never seen me before, etc. So I chose not to go. I'm not sure if I made the right choice or not. I hope I did. I know my Gpa understood. My mom told me after that she was glad I'd not gone. My Gpa was always this big, strong man. My mom later told me that when he died he weighed 100lbs. His normal weight was 250lbs. It would have been a complete shock to see him look that way. I hadn't seen him in almost a year bc we live in different states, I work and had a small child plus was due to have another. It was just too hard to get away to visit and I regret that. I always phoned he and my Gma though. Also, my Gma died nine months after my Gpa did. That was a blessing though. They met when they were 12 and had been together ever since. My Gma missed his funeral as well. On the morning my Mom told her my Gpa had died, she went into a diabetic coma and stayed in the hospital from the day he died until the day she died nine months later. I did go to her funeral of course. It was honestly a chance for us all to grieve bc my Mom never got to grieve my Gpa either bc she had to care for my Gma right after losing my Gpa.
I am not glad I didn't go, but I do think that it was for the best bc I'm not sure what would have happened if I'd seen him looking like that being nine months pregnant.
Oh boy, I'm a blabber aren't I. Sorry this is so long but I hope you can eventually forgive your mom. Even if she doesn't deserve it, you deserve to let the burden of your anger go when you are ready to.
:)