| deleted user 14.09.2004 01:54 |
Here is az thread to post some of your favorite jokes ;^)... A guy walking in the park decides to sit down on the park bench. There is an old man sitting on the other side of the bench. The man notices that he was crying and asks him what was the matter. The old man said, "I'm 84 years old. My wife is 22 years old. She cooks for me, cleans for me, and we have sex three times a day." "Then why are you crying?" "I can't remember where I live." lol... Your turn... |
| deleted user 14.09.2004 09:18 |
I heard that joke last week. ;^) |
| iGSM 14.09.2004 09:36 |
A neutron walks in to a bar and asks the bar keep 'How much is your finest beer'. The bar keep takes one look at him and says 'For you, no charge'' Hahahaha! |
| Penis - Vagina 14.09.2004 09:40 |
Did you hear about the plastic surgeon? He melted in front of his fireplace. |
| Mayboy 14.09.2004 13:37 |
I was sitting in my living room last night, the curtains were drawn but the rest of the furnature was real ;) |
| deleted user 14.09.2004 16:11 |
Once there was were three guys that were standing at the top of a bilding. One had a knife, another had a brick, and the last one had a bomb. The first one dropped the knive off the building and then he went down and saw a little kid that was crying. He asked him why he was crying and the little boy said, "Somebody dropped a knife off the building and hurt my dog." The next guy dropped the brick off the building then went down and saw a little girl crying. He asked the little girl why she was crying and she said, "Somebody dropped a brick and hurt my mom!" The last guy dropped the bomb and then went down and saw an old lady laghing. He asked her why she was laghing and she said, "I farted and the house blew up!" hehe there are different variations for this joke though :-P |
| deleted user 14.09.2004 16:16 |
HA i just found this one it's funny :-P This useful tool is commonly found in the range of 8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. It is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other. In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emmanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. Ah yes, such are the characteristics of one's toothbrush! |
| SergeantPepperDG 14.09.2004 16:19 |
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Okay. I'm done laughing. |
| Bob The Shrek 14.09.2004 16:20 |
What's pink & hairy and falls off of walls? Humpty Cunt |
| deleted user 14.09.2004 16:25 |
There was a father who was very proud of his three daughters. Every night he took a stroll around the house to make sure everything was all right. One night when he was doing his stroll, he could hear laughter coming from his youngest daughter's room. He stood there for a while and thought about this, but reached the conclusion that he could always ask her tomorrow, instead of bothering her at this time of the night. When he reached the window of his second daughter, he could hear her crying. He thought about this too, but ultimately he decided to ask her tomorrow and continued. There were no sounds at all coming from his oldest daughter's room, and he then went to bed, satisfied. The next day, when they all were gathered around the breakfast table, he said to his youngest daughter "I heard you laughing last night, as I walked past your window. Why was that?" She answered "That's because you taught me to laugh when someone was making me happy..." He then asked his second daughter "I heard you crying last night, why was that?" She answered "That's because you taught me to cry when someone was making me hurt..." He then told his oldest daughter "I didn't hear anything from you..." She said "That's because you taught me not to talk with my mouth full..." |
| MetzgerR 14.09.2004 17:03 |
Uhm, maybe I really am a wee bit daft, but I don't get that last one... Ja ne! |
| SergeantPepperDG 14.09.2004 17:07 |
Ooh! I get it now! I had to reread it twice Haha... I love a good, dirty joke now and then- actually, all the time! |
| Mr.Jingles 14.09.2004 17:23 |
Mickey Mouse goes to court to file for divorce from Minnie. After telling the judge why he wants to get divorced, the judge tells Mickey... - I consider that insanity is not a good enough reason for you to file for divorce. Then Mickey says: - Insanity?? I didn't say she was insane... I SAID SHE WAS FUCKIN' GOOFY! |
| SergeantPepperDG 14.09.2004 17:35 |
I once read a whole book a dirty jokes in one day. Hehe. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET YOUR FIVE-YEAR-OLD WATCH "THE FULL MONTY"!!! |
| deleted user 14.09.2004 17:53 |
3 men died and went to heaven. They come to heavens gate and St. Peter is standing there and says that they have all been very decent human beings and they were getting into heaven. But he says that heaven is pretty large so they would each recieve transportation based on how faithful they were to their wives. The first guy says he was pretty faithful to his wife. He did kiss another woman and flirted a lot but nothing major. A Ford Escort comes down and he drives away happy. The second guy comes up and says he flirted once or twice but he never did anything unfaithful. A Honda Accord drives up and he leaves happy. The third guy says he never did anything unfaithful and he didnt flirt. A gold lexus drives up and he starts to cry. St peter says why are you crying and he says there goes my wife on roller skates... |
| SergeantPepperDG 14.09.2004 17:58 |
I was thinking of posting that one! My friend told me that one a few weeks ago. She also told me this one (it's kinda stupid, but still funny). How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many? 6 Why? It just DOES, OKAY?? |
| Bob The Shrek 14.09.2004 18:01 |
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a wharehouse? |
| Yogurt 14.09.2004 20:03 |
ok i got one!!!! there were two men sittin in a bar. their names were richard and mark. mark saw richard looking into a box. "whats in there richard?" mark asked. "a 9 inch pianist playing a piano." mark said "wow, how did you get that?"richard asked. "i saw a genie in the forest and made a wish." mark answered. richard wanted to make a wish also, so he went into the forest. he waited for a couple of hours until he found the genie's lamp. he rubbed it and the genie popped out. "you may have ONE wish" said the genie. richard though about it and then said, "ok..i want a thousand bucks (money)" "youre wish is my comand." said the genie. infront of richard popped a thousand ducks. "This isnt what i wished fore!" richard sceamed. "i'm sorry, i'm a little deaf." said the genie. richard went back to the bar and went to mark. "The genie gave me a thousand ducks instead of bucks!" richard said with an angry voice. mark turned to him and asked, "do you think i asked for a 9 inch pianist?" |
| Yogurt 14.09.2004 20:07 |
sorry..i kinda got the names mixed up in the beggining of the joke |
| SergeantPepperDG 14.09.2004 20:09 |
This has got to be one of my favorite topics so far. |
| deleted user 14.09.2004 21:36 |
Glad my topic could bring you all happiness, lol... A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says "Hey buddy, why the long face?" lol |
| Goo 14.09.2004 21:55 |
On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES." By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms. |
| deleted user 14.09.2004 22:27 |
Knock knock! Who's there? Kid with ADD. Kidd with ADD who? You wanna ride a bike? |
| deleted user 15.09.2004 11:44 |
How did the ADD kid cross the road? You wanna ride a bike? |
| deleted user 15.09.2004 14:05 |
ha i tried telling that first kid with ADD joke to my friend last night... this is how it went... me: KNOCK KNOCK -*waits* me: ... -*waits again* me: KNOCK KNOCK!!! -*waits* her: ahh!! who's there? me: kid with ADD -*waits* me: ...bah you're too slow... you suck... -*waits* her: kid with ADD who? me: -_- me: wanna ride a bike? me: it would be funnier if you weren't so slow to answer :-P me: ...wait... i think i was part of the joke just now... AHH!!!!!!! |
| MayFan 15.09.2004 17:40 |
A Blonde was leaving work after a long day only to find it had snowed quite a few inches during the day. She was very upset by this because she had just gotten her drivers license that summer and hadn't driven in snow yet. Then she remembered what her father had told her to do in snowy conditions. "Just get behind a snow plough truck," he said, "and you won't have anything to worry about." Sure enough, a truck came by. Relieved, she started to follow it. After about 20 mins. or so, the truck stopped and the driver came back and knocked on her window. "Ma'am, I noticed you've been following me for the last 20 minutes." "It's ok," she said to him. "My father told me to follow the plough truck whenever it snows so that I will be safe driving." "Ok, ma'am," he replied back. "Just to let you know, when I'm done here, I'm going across the street to the Wal-Mart and do they're parking lot next!" |
| deleted user 15.09.2004 17:47 |
I would just like to state that I am unhappy with Tick for telling me a blonde joke today. Hmph. |
| the oppositionist 15.09.2004 17:50 |
A man is mowing his garden. Next door, a blonde keeps coming in and out of her house, opening her mail box and sighing, then going back inside. On the third time, the man shouts "why do you keep looking in your mail box?" The blonde says "well, my computer keeps telling me i have mail, but i dont!" |
| Yogurt 15.09.2004 19:15 |
ok i got another one this was on a website so dont think i made it up please don't take this offencive..its only a joke The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens kept in the hen house out in the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and the priest suspected that this was the time the cock fights occurred in the village. So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning. At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women and a quarter of the men stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" All the altar boys stood up. |
| Yogurt 15.09.2004 23:19 |
i have another one gorge bush is in the mall when he sees moses..he calls moses many times and moses rudly turns his head and walks away. after a while mr. bush goes up to moses and says..hey, ive been calling you. how come you dont turn or at least talk to me? moses looks at him with an angry face and says...cuz last time i talked to a bush i was stuck in the dessert for 40 years! |
| deleted user 16.09.2004 00:14 |
Aw babe, you know you love the blonde jokes, lol... |