Popped up to see old Flashman Senior at his current abode, the ‘Dunlivin Home For The Mentally Absurd’ today, to get a few signatures on some endowment policies and the like. It’s always hit and miss with the old coot nowadays, I’m afraid. On his rare good days he can show extreme lucidity, damning me for a parasite and a blight on the family – water of a swan’s back, of course. Luckily, today he was doped up to the peepers on morphine, so I had a jolly wheeze confusing him by saying it was Christmas Day, putting his slippers on the wrong feet and calling him Bernard.
The old blighter in the next bed swears he’s Napolean, even wearing the silly hat and whistling ‘La Marseillaise’ – I always make sure I empty a vase of water over his sheets whenever his back’s turned – cheers me up no end to see him hollering for the nurses in his broken French.
While I think on, there’s a cracking young nurse just started – Phillipino naturally, and she turns a magnificent shade of pink and goes all giggly whenever I visit. I’ll be rogering that before the month’s out, I reckon. Been too long since I divulged in a taste of the East. I like ‘em hot and spicy, but the only problem is that half an hour later you’re always itching for another one.
Anyroad, I got the necessary autographs (little more than a big ‘X’ these days, rot him) which means I’ll have a tidy sum wired into my account by the weekend. I intend to blow a large chunk of it sunning myself and no doubt getting into all kinds of scrapes with whichever lucky young strumpets happen to be at hand. Ah, so much Flashman, so little time.
But the question is, where? My parameters are simple: beach, sunshine and ladyfolk. Somewhere away from the wretched 18-30 rabble, obviously.
In all my travels, I have yet to visit Malta or the Canaries – are they up to much? Nor have I ever been to the current ‘buzz’ destinations of Bulgaria or Croatia. Any recommendations?
The poster with the best suggestion will receive a much coveted ‘Bike It’ T-Shirt, so anyone who responds: “Why don’t you just fuck off and stay there?” will be immediately out of the running.
What was up with Malta, young Bob? They all like the Brits, so I'm told. Lack of sandy beaches perhaps, but I liked the idea of a boat trip over to Sicily. Hmm, may as well go to Sicily.
My dear Lisser, I have never fancied Florida for some reason. All those joke-sized Yanks waddling about with their belly wheels, giving it the big 'I am', when everyone knows 'tis I that am.
Mind you, it would be a different story if you were to accompany me, toots. I'd swim over there for half a chance of simply nuzzling your neck.
And Janet's wardrobe? No fear! I have heard the legend and it fills me with dread. All those missing QueenZoners - once you enter, you don't leave.
*Hides behind Lisser. Gibbers.*
erm who cares about queenonline?? This is QueenZONE Fidel.
Sad, sad, sad
deleted user 16.07.2004 18:38
Flash I woul dbe honored to find you in my home for a long stay. I would take you to all the happening places here, and make sure you have enough to drink. There are fresh water beaches full of golden tan babes, and enough lpaces to quietly sit and think, fish, or smoke if that's what you like. The door is always open friend.