| geeksandgeeks 12.07.2004 11:04 |
This damn noticeboard is enough like a soap opera anyway, hell, let's write one. I'm uninspired in the fan fic department and in desperate need of a laugh. Standard group fic format. A few sentences per person. Make it as ridiculous as possible - remember, we have to keep things realistic, and no one here is normal. It began when Richard Orchard had a truly inspiring vision of... |
| Deaky's Middle Nut 12.07.2004 11:35 |
love, sweet love. This vision consisted of many intricate parts, yet three stood out. First, the stunning beauty of Geeks. Second, the wit and wisdom of a strapping fellow by the name of Inu Yasha, and the third, but most important, is a dashing prince who is known only as Fatty. In the quiet town of Miracle, the streets bustle with the movement of children late for school. In the shops, the townsfolk gather for their morning tea, and to catch up on the latest gossip. |
| pma 12.07.2004 13:08 |
Meanwhile inside an elementary school classroom, the headmaster Charles Baer had prepared his pupils a class of sexual education. The words 'PENIS' and 'VAGINA' had been written in capitals on to the chalkboard. But much to the frustration of ol' Charles, all the young ones were late for class. (note *hey! this was supposed to be ridiculous as possible*) |
| Deaky's Middle Nut 12.07.2004 13:12 |
(Baer's voice needs to be done by the guy who does Mr. Mackey on South Park) Mmmkay? |
| ~Silje~ 12.07.2004 18:14 |
The reason the pupils were all late for class, was the fact that the school bus had crashed into a giant elephant whom just managed to escape the local Zoo. This traumatic experience would for several weeks shake the local society, while they all hunted for the miserable creature who opened the Elephant's gate. This creature was in fact part of Richard Orchard's original vision and was named Inu Yasha, also called Dark. As Richard had made the huge mistake to speak his vision aloud, he was the one the mob eventually blamed the incident on (as no one could find Dark, who was hiding in the local MacDonald's), and soon he had the mob after thim, waving their torches. (you said soap serial, you GET soap serial) ((Dark, after much consideration I chose you. You actually seem to be one of the few beings on this NB who would NOT take it personally.)) |
| dragonzflame 12.07.2004 18:36 |
But the mob stopped in their tracks when a furry little demon by the name of Pikachu danced in front of them. He gave Richard a map to the McDonalds and the mob soon decided to follow Richard instead. But it came to pass that Pikachu had given them the wrong directions. But the strapping prince called fatty rode past on his noble steed with Pikachu impaled on his golden sword and all the mob breathed a sigh of relief. The weary but oddly satisfied mob set off for home. But there was a rustling in the bushes. Prince fatty sliced open the bushes and everyone gasped. It was... |
| inu-liger 12.07.2004 19:32 |
...the dead body of the wanker named TED, who had mysteriously vanished 3-4 years before from the QZ scene. At the sight of the body, everyone... |
| Deaky's Middle Nut 12.07.2004 19:43 |
...was at first skeptical, as the body was remarkably effeminate. On second glance, it was apparent it was TED, as he was wearing a t-shirt that said "TEST FUCK". All of the church bells rang, and the chidren began singing..... |
| inu-liger 12.07.2004 20:15 |
*changed* "Another one bites the dust! Bum-bum-bum! Another one bites the dust! And another one gone And another one gone Another one bites the dust! Hey! We're gonna get TED! Another one bites the dust!" -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Dark, after much consideration I chose you. You actually seem to be one of the few beings on this NB who would NOT take it personally." No worries, Silje! Much love! Btw. How's your summer going? |
| deleted user 13.07.2004 00:23 |
After the M.E named Bob 'The Shrek' had gotten the body to the morgue, some of the local towns people were still not sure it was indeed the hated TED. Bob poped his new Celiene Dionne cd into the stereo, and went on to undress the body. Bones snapped as Bob ripped TED's arms out of thier sockets. He then slid the dirty t-shirt over TED's head. And there it was. Conclusive eveidence that it indeed was TED. A faded tattoo in the middle of his chest read 'SMELL THE FUCKIN' COFFEE' neatly lettered above a steaming cup of Folgers. Just then Sir Archie burst thru the door.... |
| iGSM 13.07.2004 09:24 |
...pissed as a fart. 'Tally ho!' he exclaimed before power spewing, hitting a conveniently placed wall. Nobody had expected that. Least of all was the angry and vomit covered... |
| Deaky's Middle Nut 13.07.2004 09:27 |
...Flashman, who was in the midst of seducing yet another Phine Philly. "You Cad", the young lady hissed, slapping Flashman in his now vomit-covered face. "How dare you speak to me that way" "Have another drink", said Flash, while wiping..... |
| geeksandgeeks 13.07.2004 11:06 |
...the puke from his face. "Would you like to hear how you can be insulted by Flashman 24 hours a day?" he asked. The woman gasped, and immediately dissolved into floods of tears. "You said you loved me!" she wailed. "How many other women are there, Flashy? How many others are there, huh?" Flashman decided not to answer that question, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway, because he was stopped in mid-word by a deafening crash outside. He peeked between the blinds and saw Charles Baer running by the window with underpants on his head, yelling... |
| Deaky's Middle Nut 13.07.2004 11:16 |
..."Children, back in class! The lesson on the Filthy Sanchez isn't over yet!!! POO", which was odd, as there were absolutely no children present. "Where are your students, Mr. Baer?", hollered Archie, as he wiped his brow. "Shouldn't you be in your classroom now?" "VAGINA, Jesus Christ's shaven vagina!!", yelled Charles, as he then proceeded to.... |
| ~Silje~ 13.07.2004 12:34 |
...Run straight into a nearby brick wall. However, despite several prayers from the 20 000 inhabitants, he did not faint - and only seconds later he was heading on down the road screaming perversities at every passing humanbeing and also, for whatever reason, any pet dog he'd come across. It did not cross anyone's mind that Baer might just be running for a reason other than those he would scream out in a confused language, and that was something they would all regret. Behind Baer, speeding down the narrow roads, was a huge Harley... __________________ Dark: Summer's going great here. I'm alone at home at the moment, escaping the usual family-holiday (thank God!). How about you? |
| inu-liger 13.07.2004 12:59 |
...Davidson motorcycle, speeding at 80km/h. On the motorbike was a dude carrying a machete in his right hand while driving with the left. With that machete, the dude.... __________________________________________________________________________________ Very good, Silje! It's going very good. I'm at my mom's until the end of August, then I go back and do another year of grade 12 in high school, which is nice...except for the fact my special needs assistant is not going to be there this year :( , and a few people I know who worked at the school have retired so it's like losing friends, really.... But on the other hand, I will be getting to learn Spanish, French, more music, and some other stuff too, which is nice :) |
| Deaky's Middle Nut 13.07.2004 13:31 |
...was meticulously trimming his handlebar moustache. Krizzy was riding along behind, her bike purring like a Bengal Tiger in heat. The man suddenlly dropped the machete, it skipped along the ground like a rock thrown across a pone, striking..... |
| inu-liger 13.07.2004 13:35 |
...Charles Baer. Charles shouted "Ack! My PENIS!! Sweet Jesus's vagina!" and collapsed from shock, and then everyone... |
| ~Silje~ 13.07.2004 15:58 |
...saw it as their undoubtable right to jump at him and once and for all get him thourougly locked up. The two heroes got off their motorbikes and was at once lifted up upon the shoulders of the celebrating population, who then went on to... ________________ Sounds nice, Dark. I'll continue on to year 11th myself, practically starting off the school-year by going on a travel with bus throughout Poland and Germany. Really looking forward to it. :-) |
| deleted user 13.07.2004 16:36 |
....singing Irish Pub songs. That lasted long into the night. Soon enough every one was in the bag except for Matt. He and Barry (who was 3 sheets to the wind) went out back to roll themselves a nice big joint when suddenly a flashlight appeared from around the corner... |
| the oppositionist 13.07.2004 17:35 |
It was that looney Oppo from next door. "Whats going on here?" she asked. "We're not sure" said barry, "its a soap opera. Does anybody know?" Suddenly for no reason at all, the phone rang. It was Fried Chicken. "Guys, we think Baer has been molesting the little children in his class and that is why they have been skiving!" (queue dramatic music) Barry looked at Oppo. It was time for serious action. The door swang open and in strode.. |
| Mr.Jingles 13.07.2004 17:48 |
Let's not forget Jake Britt. |
| inu-liger 13.07.2004 17:57 |
Richard Guilbault aka Inu Yasha, asking out loud "Does anyone know where I can find the McDonald's restaurant that's holding the Edmonton 2004 Pokeman-Queen Fan Club Convention?" After that question was asked... |
| deleted user 13.07.2004 18:55 |
Matt and Barry continued to puff on the hog leg they had been smoking. Richard (Dark) was stoned off his ass, and couldn't stop laughing at himself for saying 'Pokemon' and 'MacDonalds' in the same sentence. "You have had enough" Barry told Richard. He didn't care. He just kept on laughing. Oppo noticed that both Barry and Matt were quite pie eyed themselves and asked... |
| The Real Wizard 15.07.2004 01:23 |
...why is it that most of the people against abortion are people you wouldn't wanna fuck in the first place? Baer answered... |
| ~Silje~ 15.07.2004 09:30 |
...the question, but was immediately gagged by Fatty, who then threw Charles into a small closet and closed the door. Things looked great, everywhere people were smiling and singing. Then, just as everyone burst into a second Irish folklore song, the door burst open. In storms geeksandgeeks, screaming "Oh my god, they took him away! They've kidnapped him!!!". Everyone rose from their seats (except from Flashman, who was busy making plans as to how he could comfort geeksandgeeks and slowly get her drunk), and the questions broke loose... |
| geeksandgeeks 15.07.2004 11:29 |
...vodka and Kahlua. What a combo. In the meantime, geeksandgeeks relayed her story. (EDIT: Can we change that to "they took HER away!"?) Psycho religious fundamentalists had kindapped FreddiesGhettoTrench while they were writing Freddie Mercury and Syd Barrett fan fiction together. As the Queenzoners resolved to help find FGT, Flashman returned with a substance that he claimed was water, but was actually... |
| inu-liger 15.07.2004 12:59 |
...tonic gin. Flashman was drunk off his ass, having drunk a lot of the "water", and then he took another swig of the gin and... |
| the oppositionist 15.07.2004 18:16 |
bar phone. "Hi queenzoners, guess what?" the caller said, "you have won a trip to meet brian may!" They all cheered. The next day, forgetting people locked in closets, missing or murdered, they headed off to the theatre to watch 'wwru' Brian was sat taking notes in the box. Brian- "Too much singing there, we need to cut that song out, its shite anyways, not one of mine...." Suddenly somebody began to thro peanuts at Brian. IT WAS JOHN DEACON! HE WAS DRUNK! "Oi, Brian, this show seriously sucks asss, hick! Im so glad i didnt agreesh to it, hick! I think you are Roger have turned into complete..." |
| inu-liger 15.07.2004 21:13 |
"...arsewipeths" At that, Brian proceeded to beat the crap out of John. After Brian was finished and satisfied, he said to John... |
| The Real Wizard 16.07.2004 01:47 |
(to continue Fatty's story about 11-23-91) ...John, there's something I have to tell you - something Roger and I have been keeping it from you for a long time. On November 24th 1991, Freddie... |
| Pluto 16.07.2004 10:55 |
didnt die he ran away from |
| geeksandgeeks 16.07.2004 11:14 |
pluto wrote: didnt die he ran away fromyou." Of course, the Queenzoners were shocked by this. Freddie had been putting them on all this time. They resolved to find Freddie and... |
| Deaky's Middle Nut 16.07.2004 11:55 |
...give him back the half ounce of Coke he left in Michael Jackson's bathroom. Meanwhile, Flashman had concocted yet another plan to.... |
| ~Silje~ 16.07.2004 13:29 |
...Cappuccino, which launced poor Flashy into a new fit of throwing up on the floor. Somewhere, behind the black curtains of the pub, the Soap Serial's manager was having a deep think. It occured to him that the serial was being split into too many smaller stories, none of them being completed. At the next episode he added a resume, and hoped it would somehow turn out OK in the end: Resume. FGT is missing, kidnapped. Baer is locked up in a closet, probably getting hungry by now. Flashman is trying to sober up. The rest of the pub-members are seeing Brian May, who is ignoring them in order to beat up John Deacon. Having said that, the new episode started with a scene involving... |
| Deaky's Middle Nut 16.07.2004 13:49 |
...a tuna fish sandwich, which John Deacon had been carrying in his wallet for 3 days. In the midst of his pummelling, Deaky had the forethought to fall into the closet door, shattering it into pieces. Baer, having chained himself to the boiler, exclaimed "P o 0 o 0 O o", at which time John presented him with the sandwich. Upon seeing this turn of events, Brian shouted "..... |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 16.07.2004 15:04 |
"I can't believe it's not butter!" And Charlton Heston entered the room, stoned on acid and loudly singing "We'll Meet Again" by Vera Lynn. |
| inu-liger 16.07.2004 15:08 |
And in popped Richard (Inu Yasha), who so happened to hate Charton Heston, and Richard proceeded to beating the stoned crap out of Heston until he (Heston)... |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 16.07.2004 15:09 |
... passed out and changed into a psychotic hamster named Harold Dimby Watthis Bingly Batt Charles Conrad Bart Likby Seventeen and One Third Junior. |
| inu-liger 16.07.2004 15:14 |
Richard then proceeded to feed the psychotic hamster poisoned lettuce. As soon as the hamster ate the lettuce, he gagged and flipped onto his back, twiched his legs a little, and died. With that, Brian came and said... |
| FreddiesGhettoTrench 16.07.2004 15:18 |
"Yee haw! I've been a hankerin' for some chiiiiicken!" At this moment Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band fell through the window. |
| inu-liger 16.07.2004 15:21 |
"That's not SPLHCB!" Richard exclaimed. He proceeded to pull off the mask off "John's" face to reveal... |
| Pluto 16.07.2004 15:28 |
roger taylor dressed in the outfit from iwtbf |
| deleted user 16.07.2004 16:41 |
he would never cheat on Brian. 'He is my one true love Flashy, I'm sorry, but it's true.' Flashy then turned his attention to geeks who was still sober. Oh how he wanted to get her blitzed. Since Charles broke out of the closet, and was free to run, he wailed happily 'Have you seen my anus!?! Have you seen my anus!?!' And once and a while he yelled 'VAGINA!!' for no apparent reason. Barry was sipping on an ale, and Matt a 7-Up. Both talking about much of nothing. They were still reeling from the Afgan bud they were smoking. Charles was headed right for them and Matt said... |
| inu-liger 16.07.2004 16:46 |
"Who smells like ass??" And then Charles... |
| Deaky's Middle Nut 16.07.2004 17:07 |
..proceeded to soil himself with a mixture of Green Apple Splatters caused by the tuna sandwich, and Weenis juice. John, still reeling form the beating, looked at Roger and said "... |