QueenZone discussion #307378

Queen Studies Exam

-fatty- 2850
18.01.2004 10:42		 Time alloted for exam 1 hour. Please attempt all questions. Should you require extra paper, you are taking it too seriously.
THE FREDDIE SECTION
1. How much money did Jer Bulsara pay to a Zanzibarian photographer to ensure her ugly child came first in a beautiful baby competition?
2. When Freddie was at Eton, he shared a dorm with ex Prime Minister, John Major.What was Freddie's nickname for Major?
For extra credit, in what year was the reason for the nickname legalised?
3. By 1975, Freddie's teeth and chest hair accounted for more than 50% of his body weight. What was the ratio in 1987?
4. Name three of the items Freddie would stuff down the front of his trousers to give the impression he was hung like a shire horse.
5. In 1982, Freddie attacked Art Garfunkel with a bread stick in a Soho nightclub. To the nearst cm, how much of the breadstick did Art's proctologist retreive?
6. Freddie originally wrote the song 'Keep Passing The Open Windows' for the motion picture 'Hotel New Hampshire' starring Robert Downey Jnr. How many of the rooms at the Hotel New Hampshire have en-suite facilities?
7. When Queen played the Sidney Opera House on the Works Tour they had to pay for a hole to be drilled in the ceiling to accomidate their huge lighting rig. Freddie subsequently got Paul MaCartney to pay for the same hole when he played the same venue a few nights later. Name three other artists that Freddie sold his hole to.
8. According to Rick Sky's biography of Freddie (The Show Must Go On). Rick believes himself to be a close friend of the late singer. Who the fuck is he trying to kid?
9. What happened to Freddie's ashes?
A. They were taken back to Zanzibar by Freddie's parents.
B. They were scattered under a cherry tree at Garden Lodge.
c. Mary used them to grit the path after an icy spell in 1992.
10. To the nearst cm, what was the leangth of Jim Hutton's face after the reading of Freddie's last will and testament?
THE ROGER SECTION
1. How many ears does Roger have (this one should be easy)
2. Why does Roger wear sunglasses indoors?
A. They are prescription sunglasses.
B. He has an allergy to artificial light.
C. He's a ponce.
3. Name the low budget porn flick that Roger starred in in 1972.
4. Who would win in a fight between Roger Taylor and Lemme from Motorhead?
5. In 1987, Roger obtained a high court injunction against the Sun Newspaper, forbidding them from publishing photographs of him leaving a London nightclub with an unidentified woman. Who was the woman and for extra credit which school did she attend?
6. Roger upset his neighbours by erecting gates to the driveway of his Surrey masion without planning permission. What did he do to make amends.
A. He removed the gates.
B. He apologised and invited his neighbours to a party at his home.
C. He sent each and every one of them a turd in the post.
7. Roger caused further uproar in the philatic world when he appeared in the background of a stamp commemorating Freddie Mercury. It transpired that the reigning monarch is the only living person allowed to appear on a stamp and philatilists around the world called for the offending stamp to be withdrawn. How fucking petty can these sad cunts get? Discuss.
8. In 2001 a private home movie of Roger in the shower turned up on ebay. Which of the following best describes Roger's genetalia.
A. Like a baby's arm holding an apple.
B. Average with a slight bend to the left.
C. Like a baby carrot and two petit pois.
9. (MEN ONLY) In the video for 'I Want To Break Free' Roger dresses up as a disturbingly convincing schoolgirl. Be honest, would you give him/her one. A simple yes or no will suffice.
10. (WOMEN ONLY) In the video for 'I Want To Break Free' Roger dresses up as a disturbingly convincing schoolgirl. Be honest, would you give him/her one and does this mean you may have lesbian tendecies. Discuss at great leangth with the aid of photographs if possible.
TH
-fatty- 2850
18.01.2004 10:43		 section 2
THE FANS SECTION (WARNING: some of these are serious questions)
1. On the official fan club message board he was known as Holly. On Queenzone he is Holly2003. What was his name on Queenrocker?
2. On what date did the official fan club message board go tits up?
3. Who coined the phrase 'Stepford Fan'?
4. What was Brandon's nick on the official fan club message board?
5. Who owned the Queenrocker site?
6. Where did Ted claim to be from.
7. How do you pronounce WSTUSSYB?
8. Which of the following would make Taylormayed happiest?
A. The love of a good woman.
B. A Queen Box Set in 2004
C. A new series of Dr Who with Brian May in the title role
9. If Chad Hanging's collected posts were printed out on A4 paper and piled on top of each other, would there be snow on the top?
10. Pair up the following Zoners with their better halves
Erin, Eggy, Leah Lurex, Eric, Fatty-Raspy, Demeter, Dark Myuutwo, Khashoggi, Pieter.
11. Which of the following would you not find in a post from Charles Baer.
A. The word Penis
B. The phrase 'Get It On!'
C. A single coherant sentence.
12. Name the fictional band that Jake Britt claimed to play with.
13. How many children born in England in the past few years bear a striking resemblance to either Flashman or Archie Leach?
14. Thanks to Taylormayed and fatty, Penetration Guru has been portrayed as a two dimensional stereotype for quite some time. What is this stereotypical image?
15. Which Zoner plays guitar, piano, bass, mandolin and is taking up the sitar?
16. When is Alli James's birthday?
17. Which zoner claimed to own a pair of boots that Freddie wore on the Magic Tour then went in a huff when nobody believed him.
18. Whick Zoner bears an uncanny resemblance to Eddie Tenpole?
19. If Bob the Shrek and Jake Britt were left alone in a windowless room for more than three minutes, how many gallons of Cif cream would be needed to remove the bloodstains from the walls?
20. Which zoner can be best described in just three words? Dutch, Fat & Deluded.
fatty.
Mr Coolest Cat
18.01.2004 11:05		 Some people have too much time on their hands, so sad really.
DudleyFufkin
18.01.2004 11:17		 Thats fucking hilarious fatstuff, I know all the answers to section 2, but cant be arsed to post them.
Pim Derks
18.01.2004 11:21		 1. How many ears does Roger have (this one should be easy)
## Three, a left - a right and a strange front-EAR. [sarcasm]ROTFL[/sarcasm]
9. To the nearest inch, how thick is the layer of dust that has gathered on John's guitar case.
## 6.5 years. Probably 3.2 inch :-P
10. Where would you be most likely to find John these days?
A. Attending the premiere of the latest Hollywood blockbuster.
B. Hard at work in the studio, putting the final touches to his latest solo effort
C. Hiding in the attic of his Surrey mansion, wearing a dressing gown and slippers with a five day growth.
## C.
THE BRIAN SECTION
1. When putting Smile together, Brian advertised for a Warren Mitchell/Ginger Rogers type drummer. Who were Warren Mitchell and Ginger Rogers and what did they have to do with drummers?
## They weren't drummers - they were dancers.
2. Which of the following are not components of the Red Special.
A. A 100 year old mahogony firelace.
B. Motorcycle valve springs
C. 45 cubic tonnes of builder's sand
D. A sixpenny piece
## C and D. The six penny pence isn't PART of the Red Special.
3. Rod Stewart wrote the song Maggie May as a tribute to the sister Brian never had. Which of Brian's own compositions had the same dedication.
## Sail Away Sweet Sister
6. Ozzy Ozbourne's wife Saron is a huge fan of Brian. How long before Brian turns up on her god awful chat show spouting some over sentimental bullshit about whatever cause is trendy at the time.
## Probably summer this year - the musical should appear in the US around that time, where it'll probably flop because most of the stuff is 80's Queen.
For extra credit how long will it take him to turn the conversation around to that fucking musical?
## 30 seconds
8. In what year did Brian's fans lose what little respect thay had left for him.
## 2002, when he became all musical-minded. Or 2003, when he worked with Britney & co.
9. In what year did Brian lose what little respect he had for himself
## 1999, when he recorded with 5ive.
2. On what date did the official fan club message board go tits up?
## December 1999 ?
15. Which Zoner plays guitar, piano, bass, mandolin and is taking up the sitar?
## That lazy bastard FriedChicken. I'd play 4 instruments too if I didn't have to go to school or work ;-)
20. Which zoner can be best described in just three words? Dutch, Fat & Deluded.
## You probably mean FVTB....

I can't believe I actually spent time answering some of these questions :D
DudleyFufkin
18.01.2004 12:25		 THE FANS SECTION (WARNING: some of these are serious questions)
1. On the official fan club message board he was known as Holly. On Queenzone he is Holly2003. What was his name on Queenrocker?
A. Hoale
2. On what date did the official fan club message board go tits up?
A. Jan 1st 2000 (nothing to do with me)
3. Who coined the phrase 'Stepford Fan'?
A. Gordonburstingfoam
5. Who owned the Queenrocker site?
A. LeftHandedGuitarist
6. Where did Ted claim to be from.
A. hmm, Glasgow and then we found out he was irish. very odd chap, wherever did he go?
7. How do you pronounce WSTUSSYB?
A. Fuck knows
8. Which of the following would make Taylormayed happiest?
A. The love of a good woman.
B. A Queen Box Set in 2004
C. A new series of Dr Who with Brian May in the title role
A. C
9. If Chad Hanging's collected posts were printed out on A4 paper and piled on top of each other, would there be snow on the top?
A. It would reach the moon
11. Which of the following would you not find in a post from Charles Baer.
A. The word Penis
B. The phrase 'Get It On!'
C. A single coherant sentence.
A. C
14. Thanks to Taylormayed and fatty, Penetration Guru has been portrayed as a two dimensional stereotype for quite some time. What is this stereotypical image?
A. If I remember correctly, he is a man who stands in dark alleys smoking heavily whilst getting blow jobs off alex ferguson.
17. Which zoner claimed to own a pair of boots that Freddie wore on the Magic Tour then went in a huff when nobody believed him.
A. LOL
19. If Bob the Shrek and Jake Britt were left alone in a windowless room for more than three minutes, how many gallons of Cif cream would be needed to remove the bloodstains from the walls?
A. None, Bob would use some other stuff he nicked from work.
20. Which zoner can be best described in just three words? Dutch, Fat & Deluded.
A. Freddie VTB
Banquo
18.01.2004 13:17		 I know Question 18 in the fan's section. I have a thousand swords actually.
nil
18.01.2004 13:21		 Fatty you're the best!
Holly2003
18.01.2004 14:30		 "To the nearest cm, what was the length of Jim Hutton's face after the reading of Freddie's last will and testament?"
That has to be the single funniest thing ever written about Queen. Black humour at its very best.
Imagine how much better WWRY might've been if Fatty had written it instead of Ben Elton.
Lester Burnham
18.01.2004 14:53		 I took your little quiz, fatty:
THE FREDDIE SECTION
1. Not enough to cover the cost of Vaseline to be spread on the lens.
2. Major Major Major - 1952.
3. 80%.
4. Cucumber; a small baby; a shire horse.
5. 10cm.
6. Trick question - The Hotel New Hampshire is actually a motel.
7. Boy George, George MIchael, and Elton John. Michael Jackson tried to buy Freddie’s hole, but Freddie wasn’t 12 years old.
8. Himself.
9. C - the neighbors were complaining.
10. 78cm.
THE ROGER SECTION
1. Roger doesn’t believe in ears.
2. C - who’s he trying to kid?
3. “You Can Taylor My Roger”
4. Roger would be too out of breath to start a fight.
5. Janet Reno - and she didn’t attend school.
6. B, then C.
7. Pretty fucking petty, it’s sad, isn’t it?
8. C - poor guy.
9. of course.
10. N/A.
THE JOHN SECTION
1. Pubicdeaconitis.
2. Trick question - John Entwistle’s not dead, he’s still living in Vegas enjoying strippers and cocaine.
3. a fiver, whatever that is
4. Lacey - in an outtake for the movie, John asked her “if [her] underwear is lacey too,” then giggled - and John wouldn’t be in any shit whatsoever, as she grew up to be a member of the WPGA
5. his domestic science teacher from school, Mr. Warpole
6. C
7. it wasn’t just you, she really was ugly
8. the inventor of snow
9. none - John dusts his guitar case regularly, but is confused as to what is actually inside
10. B and C
THE BRIAN SECTION
1. Warren Mitchell was supposed to name himself Warren Peace, but messed up royally, and gained notoriety for being the biggest fuck-up born; Ginger Rogers was Mr. Rogers’ wife. Brian was just confused, but still managed to get what he was looking for - a fucked up wife of a puppeteer.
2. A - it was cedar.
3. On My Way Down - which was rewritten as ‘On My Way Up’ for obvious reasons.
4.the whole of Iceland
5. who the fuck cares
6. he’s scheduled for next Wednesday, but a clause was stipulated in the contract saying under no circumstances is he to mention that wretched musical; the fucking rebel will probably break the clause anyway
7. Tommy
8. 2000?
9. 1947
10. Brian’s been using the same sixpenny for the past forty years; after every performance, he swallows it and is extracted rectally for the next performance. Brian also doesn’t believe in sterilization, so fans beg him not to throw the sixpenny into the crowd.
Margo
18.01.2004 18:46		 This is margo and mandy, as weare together right now and it would be annoying to make two seperate posts. so- here it goes...
THE FREDDIE SECTION
1. How much money did Jer Bulsara pay to a Zanzibarian photographer to ensure her ugly child came first in a beautiful baby competition?
margo- at least $2,000
mandy- $0, but she gave him at least two lunchboxes of homeade cheese biscuits.
2. When Freddie was at Eton, he shared a dorm with ex Prime Minister, John Major.What was Freddie's nickname for Major?
For extra credit, in what year was the reason for the nickname legalised?
margo- marjorie, cross dressing, legalized... well never really. it wasn't ever illegal.
mandy- "F**khead", and it must have been legal, or Mike Tyson would be in prison forever.
3. By 1975, Freddie's teeth and chest hair accounted for more than 50% of his body weight. What was the ratio in 1987?
margo- at least 75%
mandy- 25%. I still hope and pray that his abominable chest hair was fake.
4. Name three of the items Freddie would stuff down the front of his trousers to give the impression he was hung like a shire horse.
both of us- mangos, salami, mex's head. (not my fault. ha! you don't know who's typing this!)
5. In 1982, Freddie attacked Art Garfunkel with a bread stick in a Soho nightclub. To the nearst cm, how much of the breadstick did Art's proctologist retreive?
margo- 5 cm.
mandy- very little. Presumably, Art ate the breadstick.
6. Freddie originally wrote the song 'Keep Passing The Open Windows' for the motion picture 'Hotel New Hampshire' starring Robert Downey Jnr. How many of the rooms at the Hotel New Hampshire have en-suite facilities?
margo- none
mandy- 525,600
7. When Queen played the Sidney Opera House on the Works Tour they had to pay for a hole to be drilled in the ceiling to accomidate their huge lighting rig. Freddie subsequently got Paul MaCartney to pay for the same hole when he played the same venue a few nights later. Name three other artists that Freddie sold his hole to.
both of us- Eddie vedder, to jump through, Michael Jackson, Brian May.
8. According to Rick Sky's biography of Freddie (The Show Must Go On). Rick believes himself to be a close friend of the late singer. Who the fuck is he trying to kid?
margo- the general population of non-queenfans
mandy- Mex, and he'll fall for it, too ;)
margo- she's so cruel *giggles*
9. What happened to Freddie's ashes?
A. They were taken back to Zanzibar by Freddie's parents.
B. They were scattered under a cherry tree at Garden Lodge.
c. Mary used them to grit the path after an icy spell in 1992.
margo- c
mandy- a mixture of A, B, and C. Some were also sent to me.
10. To the nearst cm, what was the leangth of Jim Hutton's face after the reading of Freddie's last will and testament?
margo- 30cm.
mandy- as Mary Austin had just pounded it into the floor, it's not sure whether he still had a face. 0 cm.
THE ROGER SECTION
1. How many ears does Roger have (this one should be easy)
margo- none
mandy- I second that.
2. Why does Roger wear sunglasses indoors?
A. They are prescription sunglasses.
B. He has an allergy to artificial light.
C. He's a ponce.
margo- hes just a dork, thats all.
mandy- he wants to be Kurt Cobain.
3. Name the low budget porn flick that Roger starred in in 1972.
margo- porn flick? Roger? never...
mandy- An unknown KISS video.
4. Who would win in a fight between Roger Taylor and Lemme from Motorhead?
margo- roger would never get himself into such a stupid situation. right?
mandy- who the fuck is Lemme? For that matter, who's Roger Taylor???
5. In 1987, Roger obtained a high court injunction against the Sun Newspaper, forbidding them from publishing photographs of him leaving a London nightclub with an unidentified woman. Who was the woman and for extra credit which school did she attend?
margo- an unknown girl from an unknown elementary school.
mandy- JoAnne Kathleen Rowling, Exeter.
Brandon
18.01.2004 19:14		 I agree with Holly (Brian). The Jim Hutton joke takes the cake!
Nice one Fatty, though I do wish I had some of your free time!
Margo
18.01.2004 21:40		 CONTINUED
2. According to the testimony of the late John Entwhistle of The Who in 'Magic Years Vol 1'. John Deacon should have used a heavier bass. Has the explanation for this private joke ever been revealed and if so what was the cardially challenged philanderer going on about?
margo- no it hasn't, and no one knows
mandy- What are YOU going on about? Cardial whatsamahoosey?
margo- ouch
3. John has a Bsc in electronics and had he not chosen a career in showbusiness could have easily become a qualified spark. How much would it cost to have him fit a shower in a second floor bathroom with quarter inch pipe pressure?
margo- about $20
mandy- EXACTLY $314.15
4. In the days before Gary Glitter, Jonathan King and Michael Jackson, it was perfectly acceptable for those in the music industry to talk to children in the street. In the video 'Live In Budapest' John can be seen chatting to a young girl with no sinister overtones at all. What was her name and for extra credit how much shit would he be in if he did that these days?
margo- shirley, and deep deep shit
mandy- Her name was Marie, and he wouldn't be in a lot of shit, but rather a lot of semen ;)
margo- shit. and thats being posted under MY name too.
5.What in the name of god and all that is holy possesed John to wear a suit on the tour promoting 'The Game' that made him look like a domestic science teacher?
margo- are you dissing science teachers?
mandy- I have possessed John since 1964, so it must have been me.
6. When John was arrested for being in charge of a motor vehicle whilst eleven times over the legal limit for alcohol. What was the response of the arresting officer to John's excuse.
A. I'm a huge fan and could I get an autograph.
B. I'm sorry Mr Deacon but the law is the law.
C. Never heard of you.
margo- c. I've never heard of him either.
mandy- C and then B.
7. John was recently photographed at a lap-dancing bar enjoying the attention of a scantily clad young lady. Is it just me or did that woman have tits like spaniel's ears and John could have done a lot better than that flat chested harridan. Discuss.
margo- no, he'd have been better off with mandy.
mandy- no, I'm sorry, but he just can't do any better than Taylor Hawkins.
8. To whom did John dedicate his first solo album 'Man In The Shadows'?
margo- me. I own approx 20 copies, as it is a very wonderful and moving CD.
mandy- Margo. He had to pay her somehow ;D
margo- I thought you got back at me in the last question...
9. To the nearest inch, how thick is the layer of dust that has gathered on John's guitar case.
margo- he still has it?
mandy- 0 inches. It's a bass, dumbcluck.
10. Where would you be most likely to find John these days?
A. Attending the premiere of the latest Hollywood blockbuster.
B. Hard at work in the studio, putting the final touches to his latest solo effort
C. Hiding in the attic of his Surrey mansion, wearing a dressing gown and slippers with a five day growth.
margo- Grateful Threads
mandy- B - putting the final touches on his latest solo effort to get out of bed in the morning.
THE BRIAN SECTION
1. When putting Smile together, Brian advertised for a Warren Mitchell/Ginger Rogers type drummer. Who were Warren Mitchell and Ginger Rogers and what did they have to do with drummers?
margo- you mean you don't know?
mandy- It was Ginger BAKER, and he played the drums for Cream. If I need to further explain how this relates to drummers, please tell me.
2. Which of the following are not components of the Red Special.
A. A 100 year old mahogony firelace.
B. Motorcycle valve springs
C. 45 cubic tonnes of builder's sand
D. A sixpenny piece
margo- aren't they ALL on the guitar?
mandy- A. Last I checked, there was never firelace of any kind on the Red Special.
3. Rod Stewart wrote the song Maggie May as a tribute to the sister Brian never had. Which of Brian's own compositions had the same dedication.
margo-The Prophet's song
Saffron Caribou
18.01.2004 22:01		 Mandy!!!!
I hope you weren't reffering to me in that John question.
*EEEEWWWWW*
LOL
Margo
18.01.2004 22:12		 you caught her. *giggles*
Saffron Caribou
18.01.2004 22:19		 Oh oh you caught me!
What did I win!? You two sneaks! :P
Margo
19.01.2004 17:40		 *shrugs*
It wasn't me.
FreddiesGhettoTrench
19.01.2004 18:34		 THE FREDDIE SECTION
1. How much money did Jer Bulsara pay to a Zanzibarian photographer to ensure her ugly child came first in a beautiful baby competition?
$200 and a pack of Now or Laters
2. When Freddie was at Eton, he shared a dorm with ex Prime Minister, John Major.What was Freddie's nickname for Major?
For extra credit, in what year was the reason for the nickname legalised?
Magina. it was legalized in the year when he appeared in a porno with Christina Aguilera and a cross dressing midget named Bob.
3. By 1975, Freddie's teeth and chest hair accounted for more than 50% of his body weight. What was the ratio in 1987?
55%, but that was because the weight of teeth changes depending on your distance from the equator
4. Name three of the items Freddie would stuff down the front of his trousers to give the impression he was hung like a shire horse.
a stapler, a typewriter, and Bob Dole
5. In 1982, Freddie attacked Art Garfunkel with a bread stick in a Soho nightclub. To the nearst cm, how much of the breadstick did Art's proctologist retreive?
1 1/2cm
6. Freddie originally wrote the song 'Keep Passing The Open Windows' for the motion picture 'Hotel New Hampshire' starring Robert Downey Jnr. How many of the rooms at the Hotel New Hampshire have en-suite facilities?
69
7. When Queen played the Sidney Opera House on the Works Tour they had to pay for a hole to be drilled in the ceiling to accomidate their huge lighting rig. Freddie subsequently got Paul MaCartney to pay for the same hole when he played the same venue a few nights later. Name three other artists that Freddie sold his hole to.
Roger Taylor, Tony Banks, and the guy from Kansas... Steve Walsh
8. According to Rick Sky's biography of Freddie (The Show Must Go On). Rick believes himself to be a close friend of the late singer. Who the fuck is he trying to kid?
this guy Frank, who's in musical with me, and thinks he's hot shit but Freddie would kick his ass.
9. What happened to Freddie's ashes?
A. They were taken back to Zanzibar by Freddie's parents.
B. They were scattered under a cherry tree at Garden Lodge.
c. Mary used them to grit the path after an icy spell in 1992.
they were sold to my school by Mr. Big from Live and Let Die, and my school was going to use them in their salad but my friend Melissa's older sister intercepted them and they were mailed back to Garden Lodge, however my mailman stole them to do who knows what with
10. To the nearst cm, what was the leangth of Jim Hutton's face after the reading of Freddie's last will and testament?
44cm
THE ROGER SECTION
1. How many ears does Roger have (this one should be easy)
4
2. Why does Roger wear sunglasses indoors?
A. They are prescription sunglasses.
B. He has an allergy to artificial light.
C. He's a ponce.
because Freddie shaved off his eyebrows one day when he was asleep and they never grew back
3. Name the low budget porn flick that Roger starred in in 1972.
Ass Ventura Crack Detective
4. Who would win in a fight between Roger Taylor and Lemme from Motorhead?
hmm, good question
5. In 1987, Roger obtained a high court injunction against the Sun Newspaper, forbidding them from publishing photographs of him leaving a London nightclub with an unidentified woman. Who was the woman and for extra credit which school did she attend?
okay okay it was me!!! and several of my classmates...
6. Roger upset his neighbours by erecting gates to the driveway of his Surrey masion without planning permission. What did he do to make amends.
A. He removed the gates.
B. He apologised and invited his neighbours to a party at his home.
C. He sent each and every one of them a turd in the post.
c, but one of them ended up at my principal's house. he thought it was a cupcake.
7. Roger caused further uproar in the philatic world when he appeared in the background of a stamp commemorating Freddie Mercury. It transpired that the reigning monarch is
FreddiesGhettoTrench
19.01.2004 18:42		 CONTINUED
2. According to the testimony of the late John Entwhistle of The Who in 'Magic Years Vol 1'. John Deacon should have used a heavier bass. Has the explanation for this private joke ever been revealed and if so what was the cardially challenged philanderer going on about?
it's because John has, um, he's compensating. lol
3. John has a Bsc in electronics and had he not chosen a career in showbusiness could have easily become a qualified spark. How much would it cost to have him fit a shower in a second floor bathroom with quarter inch pipe pressure?
3 easy payments of $19.95
4. In the days before Gary Glitter, Jonathan King and Michael Jackson, it was perfectly acceptable for those in the music industry to talk to children in the street. In the video 'Live In Budapest' John can be seen chatting to a young girl with no sinister overtones at all. What was her name and for extra credit how much shit would he be in if he did that these days?
Jocelyn, and wayyyy big shit.
5.What in the name of god and all that is holy possesed John to wear a suit on the tour promoting 'The Game' that made him look like a domestic science teacher?
it was my hamster.
6. When John was arrested for being in charge of a motor vehicle whilst eleven times over the legal limit for alcohol. What was the response of the arresting officer to John's excuse.
A. I'm a huge fan and could I get an autograph.
B. I'm sorry Mr Deacon but the law is the law.
C. Never heard of you.
C.
7. John was recently photographed at a lap-dancing bar enjoying the attention of a scantily clad young lady. Is it just me or did that woman have tits like spaniel's ears and John could have done a lot better than that flat chested harridan. Discuss.
we all know he really wants Roger dressed as a schoolgirl
8. To whom did John dedicate his first solo album 'Man In The Shadows'?
Margo.
9. To the nearest inch, how thick is the layer of dust that has gathered on John's guitar case.
well, he's got one, but it was signed by George Harrison and we know what's happening THERE.
10. Where would you be most likely to find John these days?
A. Attending the premiere of the latest Hollywood blockbuster.
B. Hard at work in the studio, putting the final touches to his latest solo effort
C. Hiding in the attic of his Surrey mansion, wearing a dressing gown and slippers with a five day growth.
C. hehe
THE BRIAN SECTION
1. When putting Smile together, Brian advertised for a Warren Mitchell/Ginger Rogers type drummer. Who were Warren Mitchell and Ginger Rogers and what did they have to do with drummers?
la la la la ... de do de de
2. Which of the following are not components of the Red Special.
A. A 100 year old mahogony firelace.
B. Motorcycle valve springs
C. 45 cubic tonnes of builder's sand
D. A sixpenny piece
umm... hmm..
3. Rod Stewart wrote the song Maggie May as a tribute to the sister Brian never had. Which of Brian's own compositions had the same dedication.
39. he had 39 sisters he never had, because they all went into the porn industry and were disowned.
4.To the nearest square meter, what area would be covered if Brians neck skin were stretched to it's full capacity.
my hometown.
5. Brian is a keen astronomer. What star sign is he and what are the common traits of his particular sign?
he's really Aquarius cos so am I.
6. Ozzy Ozbourne's wife Saron is a huge fan of Brian. How long before Brian turns up on her god awful chat show spouting some over sentimental bullshit about whatever cause is trendy at the time.
For extra credit how long will it take him to turn the conversation around to that fucking musical?
who's Saron? ;)
7. Brian is a world class Pin Ball player and has only ever been beaten once. Who beat him? (No it wasn't Supertrouper)
a giant toe.
8. In what year did Brian's fans lose what little respect thay had left for him.
2003, when he said he liked Avril Lavinge
9. In what year did Brian lose
geeksandgeeks
19.01.2004 20:02		 Ahhh, Shoujo - John WASN'T molesting you!
Mr. Scully
20.01.2004 03:56		 Absolutely fucking brilliant! Your best post so far, fatty.
Penetration_Guru
20.01.2004 06:38		 1. How much money did Jer Bulsara pay to a Zanzibarian photographer to ensure her ugly child came first in a beautiful baby competition?
Everything he had. It still wasn't enough so Freddie's clothing had to be handed over too, which is why the pic is of just him in a nappy. The photgrapher's son was rumoured to be selling the nappy on Ebay last year.
2. When Freddie was at Eton, he shared a dorm with ex Prime Minister, John Major.What was Freddie's nickname for Major?
For extra credit, in what year was the reason for the nickname legalised?
****** ***** (sorry, censored)
3. By 1975, Freddie's teeth and chest hair accounted for more than 50% of his body weight. What was the ratio in 1987?
65.3%
4. Name three of the items Freddie would stuff down the front of his trousers to give the impression he was hung like a shire horse.
a pigeon
a tin of carrots
the millenium falcon Star Wars toy that he nicked from Brian's collection.
5. In 1982, Freddie attacked Art Garfunkel with a bread stick in a Soho nightclub. To the nearst cm, how much of the breadstick did Art's proctologist retreive?
trick question - the proctologist couldn't reach and a dentist had to be used.
6. Freddie originally wrote the song 'Keep Passing The Open Windows' for the motion picture 'Hotel New Hampshire' starring Robert Downey Jnr. How many of the rooms at the Hotel New Hampshire have en-suite facilities?
All of them
7. When Queen played the Sidney Opera House on the Works Tour they had to pay for a hole to be drilled in the ceiling to accomidate their huge lighting rig. Freddie subsequently got Paul MaCartney to pay for the same hole when he played the same venue a few nights later. Name three other artists that Freddie sold his hole to.
Jackson Pollock
Andrew Lloyd Webber
Milli Vanilli
8. According to Rick Sky's biography of Freddie (The Show Must Go On). Rick believes himself to be a close friend of the late singer. Who the fuck is he trying to kid?
One more mention of Rick Sky and kids in the same sentence and you'll hear from his lawyers...
9. What happened to Freddie's ashes?
A. They were taken back to Zanzibar by Freddie's parents.
B. They were scattered under a cherry tree at Garden Lodge.
c. Mary used them to grit the path after an icy spell in 1992.
Correct. A little goes a long way.
10. To the nearst cm, what was the leangth of Jim Hutton's face after the reading of Freddie's last will and testament?
Double the width.
THE ROGER SECTION
1. How many ears does Roger have (this one should be easy)
Two, plus the other one.
2. Why does Roger wear sunglasses indoors?
A. They are prescription sunglasses.
B. He has an allergy to artificial light.
C. He's a ponce.
Who says it's indoors? Why should we all bend to *your* perspective of the world?
3. Name the low budget porn flick that Roger starred in in 1972.
The Towering Inferno
4. Who would win in a fight between Roger Taylor and Lemme from Motorhead?
boxing or wrestling?
5. In 1987, Roger obtained a high court injunction against the Sun Newspaper, forbidding them from publishing photographs of him leaving a London nightclub with an unidentified woman. Who was the woman and for extra credit which school did she attend?
Princess Diana - no idea which school she went to, but it wasn't the same one as me.
6. Roger upset his neighbours by erecting gates to the driveway of his Surrey masion without planning permission. What did he do to make amends.
A. He removed the gates.
B. He apologised and invited his neighbours to a party at his home.
C. He sent each and every one of them a turd in the post.
d. went on holiday until they'd all moved away
7. Roger caused further uproar in the philatic world when he appeared in the background of a stamp commemorating Freddie Mercury. It transpired that the reigning monarch is the only living person allowed to appear on a stamp and philatilists around the wo
Penetration_Guru
20.01.2004 06:38		 THE JOHN SECTION
1. Name the rare medical condition that John suffers from causing the hair on his head to be of pubic consistency.
pubicia
2. According to the testimony of the late John Entwhistle of The Who in 'Magic Years Vol 1'. John Deacon should have used a heavier bass. Has the explanation for this private joke ever been revealed and if so what was the cardially challenged philanderer going on about?
Yes.
3. John has a Bsc in electronics and had he not chosen a career in showbusiness could have easily become a qualified spark. How much would it cost to have him fit a shower in a second floor bathroom with quarter inch pipe pressure?
Hmm, that's quite a job, I'll have to get back to you on that. You're not in any hurry are you, only I've got loads on at the moment...
4. In the days before Gary Glitter, Jonathan King and Michael Jackson, it was perfectly acceptable for those in the music industry to talk to children in the street. In the video 'Live In Budapest' John can be seen chatting to a young girl with no sinister overtones at all. What was her name and for extra credit how much shit would he be in if he did that these days?
Emma. Medium heavy with lots of stringy bits.
5.What in the name of god and all that is holy possesed John to wear a suit on the tour promoting 'The Game' that made him look like a domestic science teacher?
Shhhh. It's a secret
6. When John was arrested for being in charge of a motor vehicle whilst eleven times over the legal limit for alcohol. What was the response of the arresting officer to John's excuse.
A. I'm a huge fan and could I get an autograph.
B. I'm sorry Mr Deacon but the law is the law.
C. Never heard of you.
Mind your own business
7. John was recently photographed at a lap-dancing bar enjoying the attention of a scantily clad young lady. Is it just me or did that woman have tits like spaniel's ears and John could have done a lot better than that flat chested harridan. Discuss.
You clearly aren't familiar with the concept of using a small fish to catch a bigger fish. Or you never saw her sister.
8. To whom did John dedicate his first solo album 'Man In The Shadows'?
Me, of course. The follow up is called "Now that you don't smoke can I have your lighter?"
9. To the nearest inch, how thick is the layer of dust that has gathered on John's guitar case.
Zero - daughter number 7 is the cleaner and has learnt to be very thorough. Luckily she inherited her father's hair, so doesn't need a duster.
10. Where would you be most likely to find John these days?
A. Attending the premiere of the latest Hollywood blockbuster.
B. Hard at work in the studio, putting the final touches to his latest solo effort
C. Hiding in the attic of his Surrey mansion, wearing a dressing gown and slippers with a five day growth.
Another trick question. The Mansion is is Buckinghamshire
THE BRIAN SECTION
1. When putting Smile together, Brian advertised for a Warren Mitchell/Ginger Rogers type drummer. Who were Warren Mitchell and Ginger Rogers and what did they have to do with drummers?
Ginger was more of a tapper, I agree, but it worked out ok
2. Which of the following are not components of the Red Special.
A. A 100 year old mahogony firelace.
B. Motorcycle valve springs
C. 45 cubic tonnes of builder's sand
D. A sixpenny piece
d. obviously. The sand goes in the TARDIS section.
3. Rod Stewart wrote the song Maggie May as a tribute to the sister Brian never had. Which of Brian's own compositions had the same dedication.
Fat Bottomed Girls
4.To the nearest square meter, what area would be covered if Brians neck skin were stretched to it's full capacity.
Only 1, surprisingly
5. Brian is a keen astronomer. What star sign is he and what are the common traits of his particular sign?
Arsed. Supreme indifference.
6. Ozzy Ozbourne's wife Saron is a huge fan of Brian. How long before Brian turns up on her god a
Spisso
21.01.2004 13:33		 Nice one, fatty
inu-liger
24.04.2005 09:40		 THE FANS SECTION (WARNING: some of these are serious questions)
3. Who coined the phrase 'Stepford Fan'?
A. Your Valentine?
6. Where did Ted claim to be from.
A. Glasgow
8. Which of the following would make Taylormayed happiest?
A. The love of a good woman.
B. A Queen Box Set in 2004
C. A new series of Dr Who with Brian May in the title role
A. C
9. If Chad Hanging's collected posts were printed out on A4 paper and piled on top of each other, would there be snow on the top?
A. It would reach the Canadarm in space, if not the moon. The snow would only reach half of the pile!
10. Pair up the following Zoners with their better halves
Erin, Eggy, Leah Lurex, Eric, Fatty-Raspy, Demeter, Dark Myuutwo, Khashoggi, Pieter.
A. Dark Myuutwo - Leah Lurex
11. Which of the following would you not find in a post from Charles Baer.
A. The word Penis
B. The phrase 'Get It On!'
C. A single coherant sentence.
A. C
12. Name the fictional band that Jake Britt claimed to play with.
A. Alliance
13. How many children born in England in the past few years bear a striking resemblance to either Flashman or Archie Leach?
A. Enough to fill the British Parliament (and not leave room for Tony Blair's party)
14. Thanks to Taylormayed and fatty, Penetration Guru has been portrayed as a two dimensional stereotype for quite some time. What is this stereotypical image?
A. A dark man in a street corner, in a trench-coat, smoking a fag, on a dark night
19. If Bob the Shrek and Jake Britt were left alone in a windowless room for more than three minutes, how many gallons of Cif cream would be needed to remove the bloodstains from the walls?
A. A thousand?
20. Which zoner can be best described in just three words? Dutch, Fat & Deluded.
A. Damn. It can't be me, cos I only qualify for the Deluded part. I don't know :P