Oh, should see what just happened. I was walking on my street and my neighbours door was open,he lives alone and I quite old so I went inside and called for him, but there was no answer. I went upstairs and could hear movement coming from the bathroom. I called his name "Wayne, Wayne dear, are you there, yoo hoo". All I could hear was a muffled reply. I opened the bathroom door and there he was, with his back to me, his trousers around his ankles, a tangerine in his mouth and he was making a very fast hand movement over his stomach. He spat the tangerine out of his mouth and Shouted "get the fuck outta my house you little prick, I'm having a wank here". I ran downstairs and was so shocked, I was sick all over his cat.
I used to get on with my next door neighbour but lately she has started to get right on my tits. Mrs Sweet is a pensioner and I realise it must be a bit of an effort getting to and from the shops but surely she can drag her fat arse to the front door each morning to collect her milk. I haven't seen her since Christmas Eve but I am seriously thinking of banging on her door and asking when she intends to move the now festering collection of dairy products on her doorstep. Normally I would just pop a note through her letterbox but it's crammed full of un-opened mail.
If this goes on much longer I will have to contact the council.
Perhaps they can do something about the smell too.
fatty.
When I was an undertaker I was called to a flat in the Wandsworth Bridge Road, London.
I hadn't even opened the front door and already the stench was wafting up my nostrils. I found the flat's resisdent in the toilet. He had died on the toilet some 3 months before, a single bar electric fire adding to the decomposition process - plus the dog had eaten a part of him before it died too. Maggots were everywhere - truly a disgusting site for anyone to behold.
Dirty bastard didn't even wipe his arse either ;-)
"Leave it to Robert to tell a heartwarming story to brighten everyone's day!"
LMAO!!! Wow Bob... What a story... :O
Why do you bastards (and bastard-ettes) keep making me post!? ;)
Count yourself lucky Mex - I could tell you stories that would also put you off spaghetti bolognaise, sausages, spare ribs, pizza and meatballs - LMAO!!!!
LOL fatty
On Peter Kay Live at the Bolton Albert Halls, he says that people don't take any notice of alarms anymore. In the past, if an alarm went off in someone's house he says they'd go over and see if they're alright, but now no one does that anymore. "Look at that! Two days, two days that alarm's been going off - look at how much milk she's got! 30 bottles of milk - what's she got, a lion?? Three newspapers, the greedy bitch!" *hehe*
"Count yourself lucky Mex - I could tell you stories that would also put you off spaghetti bolognaise, sausages, spare ribs, pizza and meatballs - LMAO!!!!"
TELL TELL!!!! I could stand to stop eating that kind of stuff!
"Count yourself lucky Mex - I could tell you stories that would also put you off spaghetti bolognaise, sausages, spare ribs, pizza and meatballs - LMAO!!!!"
Hmm, it would be good for me not to eat that stuff, maybe it would be good if you share it with us :D , pizza is bad :)