CHAPTER ONE
The tiny island of Zanzibar has some of the most bizzare laws on the entire planet. For example did you know that it is illegal to change your baby's nappy whilst listening to a weather forecast on the radio? Or that it is perfectly legal to eat a Welshman, providing you leave the bones hanging out of your letterbox? However, the strangest law practised on Zanzibar has to be the law of maximum occupancy. The law of maximum occupancy states that there can be no more than 12,000 native inhabitants on the island at any one time. If the population exceeds this amount, then the oldest islanders are thrown into the sea.
Should the population fall below 12,000, then any islanders who are still floating around the island are allowed ashore as happened to Mohammed Alzar in 1827.
At 78 years of age, Mr Alzar was the oldest man on Zanzibar, he lived a simple life in a small cottage high in the hills where he tended a small herd of grapefruit. On the morning of February 3rd 1827 Mr Alzar was visited by three goverment agaents who informed him that a child had been born in a nearby village and that the islands population now exceeded the reccomended limit. He was then escorted to the beach and ordered to walk out into the water. Mr Alzar was fit for his age and managed to tread water for four days when a young chef from one of the islands hotels was killed when he accidently severed his own head while making soup.
Mr Alzars family ran to the beach where they saw Mohammed bobbing up and down in the water some thirty meteres from the shore.They helpes him back to dry land where he was allowed to remain until the following month when the birth of another baby sent Mr Alzar back to the sea. Sadly he only lasted a few hours before he was eaten by a dolphin.
Thanks to family planning and heart disease the population normally remains below the 12,000 limit and since Mr Alzar's death there have only been eleven cases of pensioners being forced into the water, the last being 67 year old Napolean Mamhood who on the evening of September 5th 1946 was thrown off a cliff to a watery grave to make way for the first born son of Bomi & Jer Bulsara.
Young Farhook as Freddie was known in those days was born into a wealthy family. They lived in a large mansion on the swankiest side of the island and had servants to tend to their every need. Years later Freddie gave a rare insight into his childhood in an interview.
"I was born into a wealthy family and we lived in a large mansion on the swankiest side of the island. We also had servants to tend to our every need."
The first few years of Freddie's life were of comfort and privelige. His nanny would often take him out in his pram to the other side of the island and allow him to laugh at the poorer children. Freddie was a particularly handsome baby and when his mother took him to have his phototgraph taken on his first birthday, the photographer was so impressed that he suggested Freddie could be a model. His mother put together an extensive potfolio and within a few months he signed a contract with Mothercare to promote a collection of figure hugging romper suits. Freddie's mother Jer remembers those days fondly.
"Freddie was only one when he signed the contract to Mothercare but you could tell he knew what he wanted. He would work with the photographer, not for him. He would often suggest poses or a change in the position of the lights to get the best results. Many photographers thought he was difficult to work with but he was just a perfectionist. Unfortunately word soon spread and after a while nobody wanted to work with him."
Little Freddie's career as a model was over almost as soon as it had started. Far from letting this setback get him down, it gave Freddie the time to persue other interests.
From the age of three months Freddie had shown a keen interst in music and by the time he was four years old he was a proficient pianist.
Freddie formed his first ever band The
"You have to remember that they were all under five years of age at the time. The bassist didn't even know which way round the guitar went and halfway through their first song the drummer pissed his pants and began crying for his mummy. There was something about Freddie however. They way he held his tiny microphone and screamed his way through a hard rock rendition of 'The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round'
it sent shivers up my spine and I just knew this kid was going to go on to bigger and better things."
LOL! That's great! :D
Don't think of it as boring - just think of it as being way above your head.
If you like, I'll arrange for a large 'WHOOOSH!' sign to be placed next to you to save time and trouble.
Golly Gee, I hope chapter two is not over my head too, but I don't know. Will Freddie's childhood in India be more amusing than his life as a toddler in Zanzibar?
I think Fatty picked a difficult subject matter, that even he could not make funny. This story is not in the same league as any of his previous work.
OH Bullwinkle Bullwinkle, i think that you are just trying to turn the topic onto you with all your whining and complaining, but no Fatty is definetly in the lead, my friend. I think he did a fine job, can't wait to read chapter two, i respect anyone who takes the time to write a story.
While I appreciate all the nice comments, Bullwinkle is entitled to his opinion and I thank him for it.
I am big enough and ugly enough to take constructive critisism and looking back over the story I am inclined to agree with him.
fatty.