| princesslina 28.07.2018 09:43 |
I have a friend who had a long-term boyfriend and they just both started dating a new girl...maybe for six months already. I'm not sure if that is healthy for their relationship, but do you think polyamory could work? |
| pittrek 28.07.2018 10:01 |
Is polyamory one of the new buzzwords created by American university students? Because from the description it sounds more like cheating, which - surprise, surprise - is horrible for every relationship. |
| Saint Jiub 28.07.2018 21:02 |
Sound like fun to me ... LOL It sounds voluntary for all three "participants" and it is likely ok for now ... or maybe forever. I would guess that a jealousy triangle might be problem eventually. For me, marriage to one person is tough enough. I do not want or need another female lover (or male lover) to create even more drama in my life ... plus I'm too old and fat plus the libido ain't what it used to be. Plus as a manic depressive, such extracurricular excitement would likely adversely affect my mental health. Pansexual, asexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian, queer ... all these "liberal" American university buzzwords confuse me horribly, and I am always googling these new cockamamie terms. |
| Raf 29.07.2018 16:03 |
pittrek wrote: Is polyamory one of the new buzzwords created by American university students? Because from the description it sounds more like cheating, which - surprise, surprise - is horrible for every relationship."Cheating" implies you act in a dishonest way to gain something. I suppose we call it "cheating" when you have a partner and then date someone else because there's an implied deal where both you and your partner date exclusively one another, but you broke this deal, went behind your partner's back and got some extra action. I don't think I'd be able to do it. Both because of jealousy and because sometimes it's difficult enough having one person involved in most aspects of your life, I guess adding more people to that would just make things even messier. But just because some of us can't do it doesn't mean it isn't healthy. There are plenty of researchers (actual scientists: biologists, psychologists etc, not your average liberal arts student) who claim humans are polygamous by nature - which explains why cheating is so common, even though we sometimes like to pretend to ourselves it isn't. These polyamorous couples found an honest (and, let's admit it, romantic) way to deal with that: we like each other and want to be together, but we don't really see why that should stop us from meeting other people, maybe even falling in love with them. So why don't we just do it together? I guess it's healthier than having a string of dramatic break because you're always dumping your partner to find someone new, or even worse, burying your relationship in lies because either you or your partner (or both) have some side partners. |
| Thistle 29.07.2018 17:58 |
You could introduce them to your sister, and with a bit of luck you'll soon be able to listen to your music again without the need for headphones :p |
| Sebastian 29.07.2018 18:01 |
As long as they're all consenting adults and they all know what they're doing, fine. I wouldn't do it, but it's none of my business if others do. |
| Saint Jiub 29.07.2018 23:41 |
Thistleboy1980 wrote: You could introduce them to your sister, and with a bit of luck you'll soon be able to listen to your music again without the need for headphones :pROTFLMAO ... there is a small chance that this might be an excellent solution er, I meant ... "That's disgusting. Can a moderator please censor Thistleboy?" LOL |
| Invisible Woman 30.07.2018 07:34 |
I think that's no good and I wouldn't never do it. |
| The Real Wizard 30.07.2018 16:37 |
princesslina wrote: I have a friend who had a long-term boyfriend and they just both started dating a new girl...maybe for six months already. I'm not sure if that is healthy for their relationship, but do you think polyamory could work?Well, you can ignore most of the replies to this thread, because they clearly don't understand what "polyamory" even means. As long as there's open communication and no feelings of jealousy, then great - I wish everyone well. Polyamory is an extremely difficult thing to manage - BUT - in my experience, most of the happiest couples I know use this relationship model. They recognize the delicate balance between wanting security but not suppressing their desires for novelty. It is difficult to achieve, but not impossible. Good luck to them. |
| Saint Jiub 30.07.2018 21:22 |
I love being ignorant. |
| Thistle 31.07.2018 17:38 |
The Real Wizard wrote: Well, you can ignore most of the replies to this thread, because they clearly don't understand what "polyamory" even means.What? Other than Peter's first response, there's not a single response here that suggests that it has been misunderstood. In fact, some actually touch on some of the problems involved. Of course, they're the sort of problems that people in polyamorous relationships say aren't problems, or are sick of discussing - but you can't help people being curious and trying to understand. Not everyone is cut out for it. |
| princesslina 01.08.2018 11:14 |
I was reading through a Wikipedia article about polyamory and it says that polyamory is the ability or capacity to love more than one person at a time. Sometimes seen as the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners, involved it has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy." And just like what The Real Wizard mentioned, my friend stressed out the humans' innate need to seek for novelty. When they did counseling before with Regain, they figured that constant seeking for novelty was a part of their misunderstandings before. But now they understand that seeking for novelty is one of their issues, polyamorous relationships came into the picture and really helped their relationship. I know I'm just their friend and no matter what I tell them would affect their choices at all, but so far they are doing good. I just hope they won't regret their decisions. |
| princesslina 01.08.2018 11:16 |
I was reading through a Wikipedia article about polyamory and it says that polyamory is the ability or capacity to love more than one person at a time. Sometimes seen as the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners, involved it has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy." And just like what The Real Wizard mentioned, my friend stressed out the humans' innate need to seek for novelty. When they did counseling before with Regain, they figured that constant seeking for novelty was a part of their misunderstandings before. But now they understand that seeking for novelty is one of their issues, polyamorous relationships came into the picture and really helped their relationship. I know I'm just their friend and no matter what I tell them would affect their choices at all, but so far they are doing good. I just hope they won't regret their decisions. |
| Thistle 01.08.2018 14:04 |
Saint Jiub wrote:Lol, ban the fecker. It's what he deserves!Thistleboy1980 wrote: You could introduce them to your sister, and with a bit of luck you'll soon be able to listen to your music again without the need for headphones :pROTFLMAO ... there is a small chance that this might be an excellent solution er, I meant ... "That's disgusting. Can a moderator please censor Thistleboy?" LOL |
| The Real Wizard 01.08.2018 17:07 |
princesslina wrote: I just hope they won't regret their decisions.That goes for anyone and any life decision. All we can do is make decisions now. And if we're happy with our decisions now, there should be no regrets later. People change, circumstances change. And people just adjust things as necessary. That's all pretty normal. If they're happy now, then that's all that matters. The rest is just noise. |
| Thistle 01.08.2018 17:22 |
The Real Wizard wrote: If they're happy now, then that's all that matters. The rest is just noise.Yip |
| Saint Jiub 02.08.2018 04:11 |
Thistleboy1980 wrote:Spoken by a wise man ... in my opinion.The Real Wizard wrote: If they're happy now, then that's all that matters. The rest is just noise.Yip |
| The Fairy King 06.08.2018 07:15 |
I've seen it work on several occasions... |
| thomasquinn 32989 07.08.2018 14:07 |
The Fairy King wrote: I've seen it work on several occasions...No, no, no, that's called an ORGY, not quite the same thing, but I can see how easy it is to make that mistake. Sorry. Couldn't resist. On topic, I strongly and belligerently hold and defend the view that I have no opinion on this subject whatsoever. |
| The Fairy King 08.08.2018 08:29 |
thomasquinn 32989 wrote:Ah shit, you know me too well. :DThe Fairy King wrote: I've seen it work on several occasions...No, no, no, that's called an ORGY, not quite the same thing, but I can see how easy it is to make that mistake. Sorry. Couldn't resist. |
| KWaters 08.07.2020 10:18 |
Hi, I think a polyamorous relationship will work provided that all three had agreed to certain terms. If that satisfies them, let them be. You should check this link link |
| andyrouda 09.07.2020 14:45 |
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| andyrouda 09.07.2020 14:48 |
I think yes, I work as an SEO at link and sometimes I do not have much time to attend only to my girlfriend, I talked to her and we met a friend and we ended up joining our relationship, that is, we love each other and everything works for us and the sex is a plus but it is equal to another normal relationship |
| andyrouda 09.07.2020 14:52 |
I think yes, I work as an SEO and sometimes I do not have much time to attend only to my girlfriend, I talked to her and we met a friend and we ended up joining our relationship, that is, we love each other and everything works for us and the sex is a plus but it is equal to another normal relationship |
| john bodega 10.07.2020 07:02 |
never met a polygamist that wasn't an asshole. |
| The Real Wizard 10.07.2020 21:03 |
john bodega wrote: never met a polygamist that wasn't an asshole.This thread is about polyamory, not polygamy. They are massively different things. |
| Sebastian 11.07.2020 14:24 |
I think it can work for some people. Not in my case, but my personal experience doesn't necessarily transfer to the rest of the population - in fact, it'd be quite daft to think otherwise IMNHO. |
| MyHumanZoo 11.07.2020 14:52 |
The answer to “would it work” is an unequivocal no. You hear of many couples being married for 50, 60, even 70 years at times. Name one union of 3 or more that has lasted that long. I’ll wait. |
| The Real Wizard 11.07.2020 21:28 |
MyHumanZoo wrote: The answer to “would it work” is an unequivocal no. You hear of many couples being married for 50, 60, even 70 years at times. Name one union of 3 or more that has lasted that long. I’ll wait.Longevity doesn't necessarily imply happiness. How many couples married for 50-70 years are truly happy? How about the catholic ones who feel they just can't leave because it's "not the catholic thing to do" ? The global divorce rate is teetering around 50% (with an emphasis on countries where people are more educated and women have jobs) - and that doesn't include the ones who remain unhappily married. Ashley Madison has 60 million users. People are cluing into the fact that the old models aren't working anymore, but due to stigmas around different relationship models, most people who engage in them don't broadcast it. Their primary partner is just said to be their partner, because they realize that most people who still blindly and uncritically follow today's increasingly outdated socio-Christian derived monogamous relationship model likely won't be able to transcend their prejudice and ignorance to understand what people different from them are up to. All the power to them, but plenty of them aren't happy. Anecdotal it may be, but most of the truly fulfilled people I've observed in my adult life have opted out of traditional lifestyle choices - anything from relationships to work to how they spend their free time. And if their relationships don't last 50 years, it doesn't mean they're any less fulfilling. If anything, the wider variety of life experience may well help make them more well-rounded people. And of course different relationship models are not a new thing. Plenty of societies in times past thrived with a variety of them. There is much literature on this if you're curious enough. |
| MyHumanZoo 16.07.2020 19:35 |
But there are many of those 50-70 year relationships, and you can't just say they all weren't happy. There are people that have been married for 60+ years, one person dies and the other dies within hours or days because they cannot go on without each other. So I will still wait to hear of even one single amorous relationship of more than 2 people that has lasted that long. |
| CHEVYMAN 16.07.2020 21:26 |
I think it depends on the people I know two guys that have been together for years and they have sexual relations outside their own relationship and always have. They seem content happy and no jealousy between them. I definately think rules would apply in these situations like they don’t do certain things with their one night stands. They reserve that intimacy for one another. I’m friends with both of them and visit often but we have a rule when they are having company I don’t visit.If you know what I mean .it’s not for me I’m a traditional girl but I did have a girlfriend in middle school through high school. I struggled a lot with my sexual identity in those years and in my senior year I left her and realized I preferred male partners. I still find women attractive but Imy attraction to men is much stronger.Im a traditional woman I guess but I don’t think I could share my man with a woman. I’m not sure about a man but not a woman for sure. |
| CHEVYMAN 16.07.2020 21:29 |
I can take care of a man real nicely and I’m jealious it wouldn’t work lol! |
| The Real Wizard 17.07.2020 01:54 |
MyHumanZoo wrote: But there are many of those 50-70 year relationships, and you can't just say they all weren't happy.I didn't say that. Nobody in the history of humanity has said that. Saying plenty aren't happy isn't the same as saying none are happy. I will still wait to hear of even one single amorous relationship of more than 2 people that has lasted that long.Are we talking about happiness or longevity? Because you're stuck in the "longevity = happy" mindset, as if that's the only (or best) kind of happy and that they're one and the same. Of course there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but as long as you're there, you're missing the point. Merely making the decision to stay with someone for a half century is not a sign of happiness in and of itself. Apart from biological and environmental factors beyond our control, generally people are happy because they make better life choices for themselves - not because they engage in activity X longer than others. Do we think people who have had the same job for 50 years have had a more fulfilling career than people who worked ten jobs, or freelanced all over the world? Why should it be any different for relationships? Why do you equate happiness with longevity ? Is it somehow measurably true that people in relationships lasting 50 years are happier than people in one that's lasted five years ? |
| MyHumanZoo 17.07.2020 19:00 |
I equate happiness with longevity because we are gifted a life of free will. People are not required to be married that long, and if they are unhappy, there are easy ways to leave the marriage. There would not be so many long marriages if all those people were unhappy with each other and that relationship. They may be unhappy with other parts of their lives. I will grant you, perhaps there are some long marriages where those in them were not happy, and they stayed together out of obligation, financial reason...or just plain laziness. But I think in this society where lack of commitment seems to run rampant, most people get out if they think they aren’t happy. I can say, I personally know of many couples that have been married over 50 and 60 years because they are happy and insanely in love with their spouses...including my own parents! So it does happen, and it happens frequently. As far as work longevity and happiness, that can be somewhat different. It used to be that pensions were pretty significant at some companies, so staying for a long time paid off, and I’m sure many people endured jobs they weren’t happy with for the payout in the end. Nowadays, it can be easier to move from job to job, but when benefits and pay levels are involved, people stay places where they aren’t happy. You can’t really equate job happiness with marriage happiness, where jobs are basically required (generalizing a bit) and marriage is voluntary. Chevy I get what you are saying, but that is really more of an open marriage, where you have a couple that agrees to let each other have sex outside their relationship. We’re talking about basically a long term relationship or marriage between 3 or more people exclusively. |
| CHEVYMAN 17.07.2020 22:01 |
MyHumanZoo, I don’t think I could allow my man or if I were divorced and in a relationship with another man have a free for all with another lady. I would be tempted to knock him upside his head or possible snatch something off. He wouldn’t be able to find pleasure again.Im jealious with my men though. If they are mine they are mine. I find much love and emotional stability with the male species.My grandparents were married till they died my grandfather wasn’t very kind to my uncle he was Gay. This hurt my grandma very badly but she stayed till death did them part. Women stayed with the fathers of their children back then I guess. I think I get what your saying and everyone is entitled to their opinions. I’m just saying I don’t think I could share my man with a woman the way I figure it they have something you need pack your bags and leave with them Felicia lol! |
| CHEVYMAN 17.07.2020 22:14 |
My humanzoo, How could a man even suggest you do that ? I have to be the important one anyway I like lots of attention. I’m kinda spoiled so someone else stealing my thunder no way. I’m gonna be honest I have had one male sex partner my whole life and I’m not ashamed either. I have friends though that have had many.I have had more than one female partner but only one male partner who I’m married too. I couldn’t imagine that at all. Would you sleep all together. I get the left side that’s my favorite. Oh boy this is something else. On tv a man has six wives they all take turns and have their own bedrooms and have kids by him too. I bet he is exhausted. That’s a polygamist right. |
| CHEVYMAN 17.07.2020 23:00 |
This site I don’t believe in the beginning was created for some of these conversations. But I guess that’s we’re it’s taking us I’m a very open minded person but some stuff we can offend people. I think they need to shut all these Queen sites down . Do they even bother to monitor things probably not. That’s why I haven’t been around. I’m glad books are coming out for some of you guys. Maybe it will keep you busy. I have already set it in stone I quit my fb first and I’m dropping this place. This is too much.First we use the F word which I hate. To me it a hate word. Then the bullying now this boredom is a disease. |
| Katydyd5 18.07.2020 12:51 |
EDIT: Forgive me. I tried to use the quote feature and ended up making it look as if Wizard had said everything below. Someday I will figure out the quote feature. At least i have buttons now. : ) Real Wizard wrote: As long as there's open communication and no feelings of jealousy, then great - I wish everyone well. I read a lot of threads on QZ, but participate in a very small number. However, I have found this topic to be interesting. Though simplistic, I think Wizard has summed up my personal viewpoint. Having said that,this is the Personal forum for QZ and as stated in the description, anything goes. I appreciate having a place where we can freely discuss anything of interest and i also appreciate that the rest of the forums/threads are devoted to Queen. I have made some very good friends here and I'm glad for the freedom to take our conversations wherever they lead. Though not monitored as well as it could be, I have found the administrators respond fairly quickly to requests. The language can be offensive at times, but I would be hypocritical if I said that i never use those words. People are free to come and go here, but I'm glad that there are Queen sites out there that allow all of us to enjoy each other and the band. Long live QZ and Queenchat and any other sites that allow me to indulge in my obsession! |
| MyHumanZoo 19.07.2020 18:20 |
I agree Katydid, when it comes to my own personal feelings as to what people do in their relationships, I don’t really care as long as they are happy. I think my point is just that I have never heard or know of anyone in multiples having long term relationships. If they could manage it, good luck with that and enjoy it, I guess! I am with Chevy as far as for myself, I would not allow any other person in my relationship. Not because I’m that jealous, but because I think it’s hard enough to get along with 1 other person, let alone 2 or more, lol! But actually, since I am a Christian it is not allowable in my faith and I would not do it anyway. |
| CHEVYMAN 19.07.2020 18:43 |
Humanzoo, It is hard enough too maintain communication with one person your so right amen to that one. |
| john bodega 25.07.2020 15:48 |
"They are massively different things" similarly tedious though, poly people just have this way about 'em |
| Holly2003 26.07.2020 08:29 |
What about polyurethane relationships? I understand that little things in the relationship can sometimes blow up, but you can often feel deflated. |
| emmajoe 20.08.2020 08:59 |
Sure, it will. word to pdf |
| FredSteel 22.09.2020 12:31 |
I believe that if two are comfortable in a pair, and both agree, then this is normal and will continue. And if one in a pair just put up with this situation, then nothing good will end. I am personally against this, I met my girlfriend link and I could not share her with anyone, I'm too in love, sorry. |
| FredSteel 22.09.2020 12:31 |
I believe that if two are comfortable in a pair, and both agree, then this is normal and will continue. And if one in a pair just put up with this situation, then nothing good will end. I am personally against this, I met my girlfriend https://toponlinedatingservices.com/asian-dating-sites/ and I could not share her with anyone, I'm too in love, sorry. |