Brian May just died around 9.00am this morning. The cause of death was a bite to the knee-cap by a badger, which was scheduled to be culled last Tuesday, but was spared because of some animal activist's effort.
Freddie Mercury was reportedly very upset with the death of Dr May. He is quoted in The Sun as saying "God damn it dear, now I'll have that tall arsehole bitching around me again down here in hell, as if having Jimmy Savile trying to sniff my nut-sack isn't enough".
Roger Taylor issued a statement saying "Oh great, now I'm the most popular living member of Queen".
John Deacon was unavailable for comment, but sources close to him said that he was surprised at the news, as he thought Brian May had died back in 1995.
right so this should be removed because the "joke" misfired? rubbish Fatty's stuff (tho incredibly funny) was in much worse taste than this OP's (poor effort) the OP's "joke" is no more offensive than the content of fatty's..
but in case these gems passed you by...have a read and compare the subject matter to the OP here....and then cast judgement.
18th NOVEMBER 1984
That arsehole Jim Beach phoned me at 4.00am this morning to ask if I wanted to appear on some shitty charity single. The whole thing is called Elastoplast or something and it's being put together by some Irish guy called Bob Godfrey (isn't he the guy that does Henry's Cat on kids telly?) and a minature Scotsman. They want to get a load of singers to record a single in aid of the starving children in Eastbourne or something. So far they have roped in Bananarama and Kool & the Gang.
I told him to fuck off and went back to sleep.
15th AUGUST 1974
John's birthday-remember to send card.
I've been working on a song for the new album which deals with our ex-managers. It's hardly what you might call a cheerful little ditty in fact it contains references to the shameful and underhanded way they dealt with our finances. I have the framework of the melody and most of the lyrics but I'm struggling to come up with a suitable title. At the moment it's a toss up between 'Death On Two Legs' and 'Where The Fuck Is My Money You Dirty Theiving Bastards
19th NOVEMBER 1991
The Pain has become almost unbearable and the doctors are reluctant to give me a straight answer as to how long I have left to live. To make matters worse, Roger came to visit me today and in the course of our conversation he mentioned his solo career. You can only imagine how shocked I was and it took all my skills as a stage performer to act as though I was aware of this. When he went home I had Pheobe look into this and it turns out he has released 2 solo albums and a further two albums as lead singer with another band. I had no bloody idea what he was talking about. Roger kept asking me which of his solo songs I liked best and I had to pretend to lapse into a coma to avoid answering him. I really will have to set a day aside and listen to them. In fact I think I'll make a note in my diary just now and keep that day free.
25th NOVEMBER 1991
Keep day free to listen to Roger's solo albums.
Roger and I are in L.A at the moment for some reason or other and decided to pay a visit to our old friend Michael Jackson. We drove out to Neverland (which he may or may not live in at this point in time) and were greeted by a 7'4, 28 stone, heavily armed security guard. He asked our names and the purpose of our visit before calling the house on the intercom system. 'A Mr Mercury and a Mr Taylor to see you sir' growled the guard and we could hear a faint high pitched voice answer back. 'Oh shit, I forgot all about those limey bastards coming round this afternoon, stall them while I get these goddam kids back down into the dungeon.'
After 15 minutes or so the guard waved us on and it took another hour and a half to drive to the house itself. On the way we passed a fully functioning fairground, an eary shrine to Elizabeth Taylor, a zoo, the earthly remains of John Merrick (The Elephant Man) and a rather sheepish looking group of naked gentlemen running towards the woods with their clothes bundled up in their arms. Roger thought he recognised two of them as Gary Glitter and Jonathon King but I told him he was being silly
Very funny....but John worked with Brian in 1997,so you must have your dates mixed up..? I have been 'away' for a bit,I thought Dr May was campaigning to prevent the spreading(or culling?) of this Government or something,maybe he had become Prime Minister,as I glanced him outside number 10? And how come he went grey,virtually overnight? And Freddie is actually in Heaven,as he confessed his sins weeks before his demise.