| david (galashiels) 21.08.2011 17:48 |
do you ever wish you could go back in time,just to say,those words. parents,grandparents,kids,what ever.did you wish that just for say 1 min you could say ....you know.i love you. was looking at some old pics,and i know i never said to my parents,that i loved them. maybe as the years go on and as i get more respect for my elders its something i should have done. what do you think. |
| MadTheSwine73 21.08.2011 19:00 |
I agree. |
| Thistle 22.08.2011 08:41 |
You don't necessarily have to say "I love you" to someone for them to know it - it can be shown just by spending time with them, helping them out and just generally being there for them. But it is nice to say it, and also to hear it....It's something I tell close ones quite often :) |
| GratefulFan 22.08.2011 10:15 |
I learned a difficult lesson about withholding those words early in my life. I was having one of any number of silly phone arguments with the young man who had been my boyfriend for all my teenage years until that point when I was about half way through being 17. He ended the call with "I love you.", to which I responded "OK, bye." Again, "I love you", and again "OK. BYE.". He was travelling from his sister's home out of town to Toronto that day, and I lost him less than 12 hours after that phone call in a devastating car accident. He was a few years older than me and well accustomed to the sulking abilities of a still teenaged girl, and I know he knew I loved him with all my heart. I've forgiven myself - I was only 17 years old - but it's remained a lifelong regret and a lesson that's never been far away since. Weirdly, or perhaps not, my father has never told me he loved me. He probably doesn't, because in many ways he barely knows me. He left when I was about 2 and a half, and excepting a handful of instances of contact when I was very young, I didn't see him again until 2008. I wonder if it's something he would regret/does regret. No idea. I always sign off with Love, My Name when I email him, but he never does. He always does "Bye for now, Dad". It's not something I experience as hurtful at this point, but it's funny I guess. |
| Charlie Brown 22.08.2011 22:22 |
You laid a heavy subject on us David, and i thank you for it. its good to know other people have been thinking about the same things i have been thinking about recently. GratefulFan i have kind of a similar relationship with my father that you do with yours. |
| john bodega 23.08.2011 01:46 |
I'm wary of having any dependency on those particular words, because I know they can easily be said without meaning. I've come to understand that people have different ways of saying it, so there's no point trying to coax "I love you" out of someone if it makes them uncomfortable. In any case, I haven't really got any regrets. I've usually said it when I've thought it, and in those times where I didn't say it, eh .... life goes on. |
| lifetimefanofqueen 23.08.2011 11:11 |
also agree |
| mooghead 23.08.2011 12:43 |
I would just like to say... I love me ;-) |
| ParisNair 23.08.2011 12:51 |
i just realised that i have never said "i love u" to my family, nor do i recall my family having ever said it to me. but really doesn't seem necessary to say it in so many words among us. Gratefulfan's tragic circumstances with the lost boyfriend remindeed me of my own emotional pain i went thru some 10 years ago. We were a bunch of fast friends and i fell out with one particular guy. we stopped talking to each other and ultimately the group fell apart due to the tension. even thru my anger at him, i had only good wishes for him, and i am sure he had similar feelings. but still we did not talk for 2 whole years. then i woke up one day with the news that he was involved in a highway crash and died a painful death - with the steering wheel of a bus peirced thru the chest. the news tore me to bits, it really did. i would have given my life to turn back time. i am teary eyed right now. |
| magicalfreddiemercury 23.08.2011 15:11 |
Remember the song More than Words, by Extreme? More than Words I have a feeling that while you might not have said the words, "I love you", you did show your family how you felt. |
| Hangman_96 23.08.2011 18:40 |
I'm agreed for sure. |
| Djdownsy 23.08.2011 19:45 |
Brilliant topic. I've only ever said I love you once to a girl, when I was 17. But, in retrospect, I realise I didn't mean it. I feel that, with a girl, i'll only ever tell her I love her when I know she's the one who I will spend the rest of my life with. I hate when people through the words around, it's funny, because they are the three word's when used right, mean absolutely everything to somebody, but when used at the wrong time, mean absolutely nothing. As regards family, I'm very close to my family, they mean absolutely everything to me and I wouldn't be who I am without them. So I do tell them I love them quite often, because, in that case, I mean it. And, even though it scares me to death sometimes, I know they could be gone forever tomorrow, so I make sure they know it. |
| Djdownsy 23.08.2011 19:50 |
mooghead wrote: I would just like to say... I love me ;-) ------------------------- Why am I not surprised. :P |
| GratefulFan 24.08.2011 00:42 |
ParisNair wrote: Gratefulfan's tragic circumstances with the lost boyfriend remindeed me of my own emotional pain i went thru some 10 years ago. We were a bunch of fast friends and i fell out with one particular guy. we stopped talking to each other and ultimately the group fell apart due to the tension. even thru my anger at him, i had only good wishes for him, and i am sure he had similar feelings. but still we did not talk for 2 whole years. then i woke up one day with the news that he was involved in a highway crash and died a painful death - with the steering wheel of a bus peirced thru the chest. the news tore me to bits, it really did. i would have given my life to turn back time. i am teary eyed right now. ==================== I'm really sorry about your experience ParisNair. :( Measured in the capacity for regret and self recrimination, your situation is much worse than mine. I made one mistake with no practical chance in those few hours to rectify it, but when years go by it's easy to imagine you made a mistake every day that you let slip by without reaching out. But forgiveness and reaching out is often very, very hard. It hurts pride and raises fears of rejection and worst of all raises the spectre of becoming vulnerable again to somebody that has already shown capacity to hurt or anger us. It's often much psychologically safer to just lock that door tight. So I hope you don't have undue lingering regret. It's a lesson that is nothing less than brutal, but one that in it's way is a gift, too. |
| mooghead 24.08.2011 14:02 |
The lyrics to More than Words are a little bit obscene if you read between the lines |
| Djdownsy 24.08.2011 22:02 |
Djdownsy wrote: Brilliant topic. I've only ever said I love you once to a girl, when I was 17. But, in retrospect, I realise I didn't mean it. I feel that, with a girl, i'll only ever tell her I love her when I know she's the one who I will spend the rest of my life with. I hate when people throw the words around, it's funny, because they are the three words, when used right, mean absolutely everything to somebody, but when used at the wrong time, mean absolutely nothing. As regards family, I'm very close to my family, they mean absolutely everything to me and I wouldn't be who I am without them. So I do tell them I love them quite often, because, in that case, I mean it. And, even though it scares me to death sometimes, I know they could be gone forever tomorrow, so I make sure they know it. |
| GratefulFan 25.08.2011 21:55 |
Soooo, has anybody done anything directly inspired by this this thread? I emailed my mom twice and called my dad. Reached mom, but not dad, so left a nice message. And editing to add I just posted a "Just thinking of you :) " on my son's half sister's Facebook. |