easy and fun question,
i have many answers to this, but probably one of the most embarrassing things that ever happened to me was when i first went to secondary school, i was the typical year 7, nervous, big bag, skirt and hair tied back in a pony tail. i as the rest of the year 7s was nervous as hell! at school, people would clearly talk about me and laugh, but they did the same to all the new year 7s, i thought it was just because we were so much shorter than them. (for the first time someone was taller than me at school) so we all just had to put up with it, we were a bit of a laughing stock due to how we all looked so scared and lost constantly checking out planners. they was went well though, i was walking home on this sunny day and some year 10s were in front of me walking really slow (as they do) and since i walk fast and just wanted to get home i over took them quietly, they were whispering and laughing as i was in front of them. a few minutes later i looked over my shoulder, they were at the other side of the bridge still laughing, then i got home and looked in the mirror and my skirt had got hitched right the way up at the back by my bag since it was so low and heavy and the walking made it go up more! i am a year 9 now and haven't wore a skirt to school since that day! only wear trousers now. scared me for life now.
so how about you lot?
P.S this topic is one of those cheerful fun topics, and if you don't like it don't comment
If you know the Scottish accent, you'll understand this - once I went into a shop and asked for a "boatle of cock" instead of a bottle of coke.
The other story can't be aired until after nine. It is after nine? Oh shit.....well, let's just say her mum came in and caught us.
Serving a customer in a shop i used to work in... he was elderly and was struggling with the freezer... so i put down the mop with which i was cleaning the floor and took out the baskets out of the freezer so i could reach what was underneath. Unfortunately, of course, the floor was wet... and i slipped over, and landed flat on my back with a LOT of bags of frozen peas on top of me. I was sooo incredibly embarrassed.
And another time i was at a one-man show. It was amazing, and he was brilliant, but i had ended up in the front cos the place was full and that was the only place there was enough room. And he needed an audience participant for a few min of it, to be his wife. So i had to stand up and he proposed to me dramatically. Afterwards, he was talking to people and he came over to me to thank me for it. and i went completely blank. Tried to say oh no problem, the show was great, etc. but nothing came outof my mouth. He was GORGEOUS -- i mean drop dead incredible -- and had just done this amazing performance, and i was young and sooo intimidated... and no sound came out... i opened my mouth GRUNTED at him (!!!!!!!) and waved my hands about, but no words would come out of my mouth LOL. It was SO extremely, incredibly humiliating.
This happened when I was 15. Me and a friend were in church during a boring mass laughing at people's hair, clothes, face or whatever. I was having fun until I said "that man looks like a bulldog", and my friend replied "that's my grandfather". I was really embarrassed but my friend didn't take offence. Some time later she told me that she said to his grandfather "you should smile more often because my friends think you look like a bulldog". :)
The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me is far too humiliating and far too wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap for mixed company in any detail, but let me just advise all of you to refrain from practically screaming at the top of your lungs in a bar about the skills and assets of singer of a band over ear splitting music to your friend. At least not on the assumption that if the song suddenly ended you would be sober enough to catch that and stop the screaming in time. Because you probably wouldn't be. It's 20 years later and I still haven't lived it down.
One night I stopped off at an off-license to buy a bottle of vodka. I don,t know what I was thinking of but I asked the guy behind the counter for a bottle of Sminroff. The guy started giggling and said "Don't you mean Smirnoff? I said "Of course I do, you fucking moron, it was just a slip of the tongue.
So later that evening I'm sitting on a park bench, shot-gunning the bottle of vodka when I notice that there's a strong smell of shit in the air. Just then an old woman walks by with a small dog on a leash. I get up and stagger towards her screaming "Why don't you fuckers clean up after your dogs? I've just stood in a big shite." It wasn't until she had run away in search of a policeman that I noticed that I hadn't in fact trodden in a dog egg. In my advanced state of intoxication I had fouled myself and the smell was coming from me. But anyway, on with the story.
So I stagger over to the bench near the war memorial and pass out, as usual. When I wake up a few hours later I find myself tied to a tree with my heavily soiled trousers at my ankles. It transpired that a group of like-minded gentlemen, out for a bit of fun had discovered me sleeping on a bench and decided to drag me into the woods with the intention of having their wicked way with me. It was dark and I couldn't see their faces any better than they could see mine but I was sure I recognised one of their voices. Anyway, they took it in turns to sodomise me and it wasn't until the fourth or fifth guy strolled up for his turn and said "My turn to make it bleed." that it dawned on me where I knew the voice from. I turned around and at that very moment the woods lit up with the headlights of six police cars and I saw my uncle Frank with a startled expression on his face and a massive erection. The next few minutes were a bit of a blur and all I remember is the sound of sirens and police dogs barking. To cut a long story short, the police untied me and threw me in the back of a van with my uncle Frank and his friends.
There was an awkward silence in the back of the police van and to be honest I was glad when we eventually arrived at the station. I was charged with public drunkeness, threatening the elderly dog walker and lewd and libidinous behavior in a public place. In fact the custody seargant who charged me was an old school friend who I later discovered was married to a friend of my wife, but that's another story.
And now we come to the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me. After a night in the cells I was taken before the judge who gave me bail pending a psychiatric report. As I stepped out of the court I caught a glimpse of my own reflection in a shop window and couldn't believe what I saw. The label of my jersey was sticking out just under my chin.... That's right. I had my jersey on back-to-front all night. Everyone must have seen it. The guy in the off-licence, the old woman walking her dog, uncle Frank and his weird friends, the police, my lawyer and even the judge. I felt such a fool.
fatty.
-fatty- wrote:
It wasn't until she had run away in search of a policeman that I noticed that I hadn't in fact trodden in a dog egg. In my advanced state of intoxication I had fouled myself and the smell was coming from me.
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Brilliant as always. Props for Scottish creativity. In the case that this is actually true, thanks for not shutting yer puss on this one.