| itsmeskc 01.10.2009 05:02 |
A SEA SHELL Toes wiggle in the sand as the tide slowly recedes out to sea A SEA SHELL washed ashore wondering where it use to be The sun falling below the sea decreases an illuminated sky The moon appearing overhead seemingly as if always close by Stars twinkle planets shine sattelites though unseen whiz by The tide comes in once again taking A SEA SHELL out to sea Toes still wiggle pondering the amazement of earth's mystery (this is one of many songs-well, they are not songs as of yet as there is no music set to them- but potential songs i have written lyrics for. So what do you think? It's one of my rather, lets say 'softer' ones, as my other titles are things like "evil motherfucker" "the misfit with an outfit" "technology of sin" "daryll the derelict" "nine day run" "true lies" "idiocy" "abattoir" "too many motherfuckers are in my way" "finality") So what's the point in all this- hell I'm just bored tonight! |
| dragon-fly 01.10.2009 05:38 |
Isn't it to short for a song? For me, it sounds more like Japanese poetry (if understand me). |
| itsmeskc 01.10.2009 08:42 |
ok then how is this THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN The modern world has advanced THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN Taking with it younger souls as heaven struggles to win Seedy lifestyles are now only a few clicks away As Satan spends more time online finding souls astray (chorus) THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN the battle forever lost THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN will be worth every cost THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN once depravity now quite tame THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN Jesus just lost this game THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN today what do they sell THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN paving my way to hell A search for 'pornography' offered up 4.6 million sites Many of which are visited by the religious right Typing in 'Christianity' yielded only 3.4 million hits Proof positive THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN over Jesus favors tits (repeat chorus) |
| dragon-fly 01.10.2009 09:50 |
Well, this is interesting! It's a bit rough and controversial.... but I like the idea of it. The first part before chorus is very good (I think). But there's a doubt about that numbers in the song. On my opinion it would be better to change a couple of lines in the end- and you will get a great result. Keep sending more:) |
| PauloPanucci 01.10.2009 12:48 |
great, but you repeat so much THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN! |
| Saif 01.10.2009 13:02 |
The final verse of technology of sin is awesome. |
| catqueen 01.10.2009 15:06 |
I really like Seashell! Very gentle, peaceful, whimsickle even. (And I don't know how to spell whimsickle, hope you know what I mean!) It's beautiful. And Technology made me smile. :) |
| cacatua 01.10.2009 15:28 |
Sorry, I'm a pagan and the whole satan and sin thing is a Christian trip. |
| ParisNair 01.10.2009 16:11 |
I liked Technology Of Sin better, the lyrics are quite in-your-face. But like already stated, you probably need to add another paragraph to give it a proper lenght for a song. |
| itsmeskc 02.10.2009 20:03 |
i don't understand the logic in that- not the being a pagan thing- the idea that just because you dont believe in something means that it has no meaning to you- i mean i myself am an athiest, but the percentage of people on the planet who are believers is overwhelming, and i am interested in people and the world at large, so the words dont have to be directly related to you or anyone viewing them, but they could be if one wanted, but if there is no personal connection to whats said, that doesnt mean that one cant understand its meaning in relation to those that do believe in the "whole satan and sin thing". it would be a rather boring life if one only ever read or showed interest in something that they themself have to be personally in line with. i have a Bachelor's Degree in History, and i am very well read on Nazi Germany- but believe me, i am no Nazi admirer- but if i would have said to myself- well that "holocaust" thing is a whole Nazi trip, so i wont even bother reading it because "that whole facism thing is a Nazi trip". Now i know you and others are probably going to think 'wow, this guy is going on and on about one tiny post about not commenting on his song'- and you are all right, i do have a tendency to get rather long winded or over-analyzing. so on that note, before i go into a long diatribe about the reasons for the over-analyzing, i'll be off now......
cacatua wrote: Sorry, I'm a pagan and the whole satan and sin thing is a Christian trip. |
| itsmeskc 02.10.2009 20:17 |
dragon-fly wrote: Well, this is interesting! It's a bit rough and controversial.... but I like the idea of it. The first part before chorus is very good (I think). But there's a doubt about that numbers in the song. On my opinion it would be better to change a couple of lines in the end- and you will get a great result. Keep sending more:) many thanks for the constructive suggestions and encouraging words. you ended above qoute with something about "sending more"- so here are some titles with a few lines included for each one-- anyone can feel free to let me know which one they might think i should post the full words to..take care |
| itsmeskc 02.10.2009 20:33 |
ABATTOIR ( it's a french word meaning "slauterhouse") The world is an ABATTOIR, as calls to arms still sound Endless bodies in motion, waging wars all around All the while the dead walking wounded abound As a deluge of blood and tears soak into the ground................... AMERICAN TERRORISTS (this comments on how my countries politicians are going on and on about terror, but more of a focus, or as much, should be made curbing the number of filth in this country who rob, rape, and murder) Same old story, trying to save the world from horror While each and every day our poor are getting poorer Policing the globe with 100 Billion in foreign aid While crime filth waste, here it's 100 percent American made....... ......They dont know Allah or wear white robes and a turban It's not God or symbolic clothes that they're concerned in They're not hijackers, snipers, or even suicide bombers They're homegrown killrs, and on our streets they wander.............. more later... |
| dragon-fly 03.10.2009 02:31 |
Well, here's my commentary:). Both of them has an interesting streak. I see that your style in general has controversial direction. Something like Rage Against The Machine. That's not bad, but don't overdo it:). Actually I wonder how finish both of them. Can you post the first one (Abattoir) entirely? It's difficult to estimate the pieces. |
| itsmeskc 03.10.2009 11:33 |
dragon-fly wrote: Well, here's my commentary:). Both of them has an interesting streak. I see that your style in general has controversial direction. Something like Rage Against The Machine. That's not bad, but don't overdo it:). Actually I wonder how finish both of them. Can you post the first one (Abattoir) entirely? It's difficult to estimate the pieces. the other verses to ABATTOIR besides the one already posted: The world is an ABATTOIR, self preservation a hard sell A destiny, inevitable fate, our purpose some will tell Any and all of our intentions paving the way to hell In need of more power, coin, land, and oil, they yell The world is an ABATTOIR, competition a deadly game With wild animals we can, but ourselves we can't tame To each other we inflict , rape, murder, and maim Winners or losers nonetheless our blood runs the same and the chorus to ABATTOIR: The world is an ABATTOIR and you are the game Don't just sit there and wonder who's to blame Stand up, speak up, or your life they will claim Your love into hate and your flesh into flame |
| dragon-fly 03.10.2009 11:51 |
Yeah! Now I like it! Well done. About the rhyme- I hope it's not going to be a rap song:) |
| itsmeskc 03.10.2009 11:59 |
yeah, i suppose i do tend to write alot about the more "heavy" or as you say, 'controversial' topics but here are some excepts from some others: WILDERNESS PATH (about a trip to the mountains-enjoying nature) Lying on a path Looking up in awe Green trees Clean air White clouds Blue sky This hypnotic Amazing place Cherishing Relishing This moment A special A long Moment Sky darkens Shines its stars Ever so bright The cool wind Through the leaves The luminous moon Hidden in part.......... FINALITY (about my belief that it is more likely there is no after-life or soul) I was born into the FINALITY of death Until then all I have is each and every breath No soul or spirit that will carry on Bones and ash as all else is gone Bury me if you wish, though I could care a less I cease to exist outside this fleshy decaying mess Can't do anything to something that no longer exists When it ends it ends and there's no point to resist The only way for better or worse in which I will carry on Is within the memories of those I've loved or hurt who aren't yet gone |
| dragon-fly 03.10.2009 12:08 |
I like your "heavy stuff" more. Maybe because once in a blue moon I write about such subjects myself:). I can't praise Wildeness Path, but the Finality is absolutely great! By the way, the last two- songs or poems? |
| itsmeskc 04.10.2009 08:04 |
dragon-fly wrote: I like your "heavy stuff" more. Maybe because once in a blue moon I write about such subjects myself:). I can't praise Wildeness Path, but the Finality is absolutely great! By the way, the last two- songs or poems? [listo] [li]basically i have copyrighted all my stuff because i hope to one day really be able to do something with it- and exactly what that may entail i dont know, soi really dont write with the fore-thought of "o.k. i'm gonna make this one a poem, and this one a song"....just because something along the length of "FINALITY" seems too short to some people to be considered a song, in my thinking that is not the case. I write until i believe ive said what ive wanted, and if that is too short or too long in the opinion of others, well thats just how it has tobe. I like to sing as well, and have been told, in all humility, that im quite good- so my hope is to one day maybe hook up with someone who writes music and maybe work together and record some stuff. I have no prospects of that happening any time soon, and i unfortunately dont have the resources, capacity, or motivating drive to go out and make it happen by hanging out and social networking through the rock clubs in L.A. and Hollywood. ( i live only an hour's drive east of Los Angeles)- i'll continue in a second post.... [/listo] |
| itsmeskc 04.10.2009 08:26 |
.....so who knows maybe all just put out a booklet of my stuff as poems or writings etc...and they will never be made into songs....so i really dont get hung up on classifying any of them as poems or songs...plus when you think of it, and since were on a QUEEN site, if you were to look at just the written words to, say, "NEVERMORE" or "LILY OF THE VALLEY" or "DEAR FRIENDS" or many more examples if i needed to list them, those are all quite short and while i understand to make it in the music business one would have to get established with proper songs that would have wide appeal and be played on the radio etc...but i have no aspirations of fame and more wealth,...id be content with something musically done with my stuff if it were limited to just giving it to my family and friends and anyone else who would take it. It may ever only amount to what were doing here, or me posting it on other sites to invoke a chuckle, a deep thought, or even a reaction of disgust or offense taken to some of my stuff (believe me, the stuff youve seen is quite tame, lots, or most, of my other stuff is blatantly insulting or offensive to some individuals or groups as awhole (for instance, i have one called "IDIOCY" which wouldnt go down to well with evangelcals, or another called "EVIL MOTHERFUCKER" which would probably never be able to see the light of day on a radioi station anyway... ok- ive gone on much too long...so dragonfly, where r u located exactly and i might add, you are certainly one who has taken more interest in my stuff than the response i get on other metworks and sites when i post---out!!!!!!!!!!! |
| dragon-fly 04.10.2009 09:15 |
Unbelievable!!! Are you mad at me? For what?!!! Do you think I can steal your songs? Why would I need it?! I thought there's somebody to talk about writing- and here you have it! Don't ask about my location- English songs/poems nobody will print here! So, take my apology for my curiosity and attention to your posts! I am very sorry for my advices to you. And also, excuse me that I have an interest in this area! Good luck & farewell! |
| catqueen 04.10.2009 09:45 |
dragon-fly wrote: Unbelievable!!! Are you mad at me? For what?!!! Do you think I can steal your songs? Why would I need it?! I thought there's somebody to talk about writing- and here you have it! Don't ask about my location- English songs/poems nobody will print here! So, take my apology for my curiosity and attention to your posts! I am very sorry for my advices to you. And also, excuse me that I have an interest in this area! Good luck & farewell! I think he meant that he was glad you are taking an interest. The 'out' is a slang way of saying goodbye. Like on two way radio, people used to say what they meant and then say over or out to say that they were done talking. I can see how you thought that he was mad at you, but i think what he said about copyright was in general, and only the last bit was aimed at you, where he said you have shown more interest in them then most people. Anyway, sorry for sticking my nose in, hope you don't mind! |
| itsmeskc 04.10.2009 12:10 |
catqueen wrote:dragon-fly wrote: Unbelievable!!! Are you mad at me? For what?!!! Do you think I can steal your songs? Why would I need it?! I thought there's somebody to talk about writing- and here you have it! Don't ask about my location- English songs/poems nobody will print here! So, take my apology for my curiosity and attention to your posts! I am very sorry for my advices to you. And also, excuse me that I have an interest in this area! Good luck & farewell!I think he meant that he was glad you are taking an interest. The 'out' is a slang way of saying goodbye. Like on two way radio, people used to say what they meant and then say over or out to say that they were done talking. I can see how you thought that he was mad at you, but i think what he said about copyright was in general, and only the last bit was aimed at you, where he said you have shown more interest in them then most people. Anyway, sorry for sticking my nose in, hope you don't mind! wow...first of all im totally stunned ...but let me express my many thanks to you CATQUEEN for...well, coming to my defense. I must say i suppose i should reply to him immediately, but i geuss he surely will read what i put here and then if he wishes to post to me again, he will. I'm just rather perplexed at how he interpreted what i said, because at no time before that last post i put out to him, at no time during, and at no time since, have I had even the slightest of a thought of ill-will towards anything he had said to me...and IN FACT I WAS QUITE ENJOYING THE BACK AND FORTH THAT WAS TRANSPIRING BETWEEN HIM AND i. His post that i responded to ended withj the question asking me if the last to things i had posted were "songs or poems"...and it immediately brought to mind the discussion i had with someone im very fond of who asked me, knowing that none of my words have ever been put to music, that if i one day did make songs out of them,would i have to pay once again a fee to have them also copyrightd as songs? and she began her question about it with those very words more or less: "are they considered songs or poems". Well i told her how that if they were all already actual songs when i decided to copyright them, it wouldnt have mattered, because wether i have the music along with them now, or later, it will always be separate fees because the words and music are copyrighted as separate entities no matter what...anyway...that was the first thing that came to my mind was that discussion i had with someone else which focused on me explaining about copyrighting...and so i suppose thats why the first thing i said in the post was a reference to copyrighting. I dont understand how he would think that....i mean i went on and on as you can see i like to do, about just small talk i geuss you could say it was about how i dont concern myself with length if i have satisfied myself with saying what i wanted in only two or three short verses then so be it...and i talked about my thoughts on music business,, and examples of QUEEN having many tracks that had very few words and were rather short..NOW!!! would i have spent all that time and energy (im not the best typer) if i had been angry with the guy..and at the end i was really not even thinking about being nice or not being nice....i thought i was just trying to humbly say i was flattered that he was taking a interest and i only asked him where he was from because i was, in a very short # of posts and time, thinking that i was maybe finding a on-line friend that i could banter back and forth with...and LASTLY (i know you probably are saying "finally he's done" if you've even made it this far--just joking) let me say that if i was ever even remotely concerned or worried about somebody 'using' my stuff...(and thats not even why i copyrighted them)..then i surely wouldnt be so casually and freely putting my stuff out there to begin with....and to me i could care a less about any of that anyway....so i cant really say that i should apologize to him, because like i said- any suspicion, hostility, negativity..were the fasrthest thing from my mind.....but i hope he realizes thatwhen i said there at the end about his interest in my stuff- it was from the "happy" part of my brain...and that saying "OUT" is just a abrupt way of saying goodbye....not rudely or anything...im a big sports fan and JIM ROME (hes on the radio and on ESPN weekdays at 1:30 pm california time..thats how he ends his show evey day...by saying "and I'm out".....thanks again, and i hope the length of this didnt give you a headache...as it has me!!!!out!! oh, i mean goodbye and take good care. steve |
| dragon-fly 04.10.2009 12:49 |
Ouch, ouch, ouch..... I got in a stupid situation. Honestly, I'm sorry. I can answer immediately- because I have time and possibility. English is not my first language (and I'm not he), that's why I didn't understand you. I really got interested in your writing, but the last post I simply didn't understand. I took it for something else and just.... Oh, stupid, I wish I could take my words back. Am I forgiven? |
| itsmeskc 05.10.2009 02:22 |
dragon-fly wrote: Ouch, ouch, ouch..... I got in a stupid situation. Honestly, I'm sorry. I can answer immediately- because I have time and possibility. English is not my first language (and I'm not he), that's why I didn't understand you. I really got interested in your writing, but the last post I simply didn't understand. I took it for something else and just.... Oh, stupid, I wish I could take my words back. Am I forgiven? Yes, most certainly, and actually it's really not that big of a deal. In fact,in retrospect, when I had some time to look at why you reacted the way you did to what i said, it makes some sense. It's very clear to me now- you thought somehow that my words were implying a message which was more or less "hey guy, why such interest in my songs? are you gonna try to use them without telling me and portray them as your own? You know they are copyrighted , so you better not!" Thats what I think must have been what you thought I was saying. I mean I do think it was rather a stretch for you to get to where you were, but hey, a little bit of paranoia isn't always a bad thing--haha. And I promise to never again end a correspondence with the word "out"! (now please dont misinterpret that last comment there, and the one before that about 'paranoia'- thats nothing more than just my wierd sense of humor). Alright then- I'm glad we cleared that up- and now we can move on to where you send me some of your lyrics so that I can practice copyright infringement upon them, make one into a top hit here in America, and get rich without sharing a dime of it with you!!!!!! C'mon now dragonfly dont read anything into what was just said! It was just that stupid sense of humor of mine again. OK..back to what we are on here for..... "LIKE A...." (it was one i did in which i just sat down and said i'm gonna come up with something off the top of my head, whereas most others I write spring out of a thought I had, or an experience I've had) so here's an excerpt: AS SURE AS THE SUN RISES IN THE EAST AND SETS IN THE WEST THESE THINGS ARE CERTAIN BECAUSE THE WICKED NEVER REST LIKE A....Preacher searching every corner for his evening whore LIKE A....Serial Killer up to his knees in all that blood and gore LIKE A....Jehovah always busy saving someone from door to door LIKE A....Dictator with an iron fist smashing opposition more and more |
| dragon-fly 05.10.2009 08:40 |
Well, thanks for clearing it up:). I was rushing and misunderstood you. I can't see your emotions- I just read what you write. In the end you mentioned me, then put a dash, then "out" and then all the !!!!. Hence I don't listen American radio.... Pay attention to punctuation :). Enough with this anecdote. About the LIKE A - again, interesting. How about the rest of it? Can you force yourself to writing? I can't do it, that's why I write very rare, only when I get a "bright idea" or under the stress. That's more a game for me. (And I also do it on English:) )I probably will never do it seriously. But I am still very curious at this. How much have you written? How long do you do it? If you want I can give you my e-mail. I guess queenzoners are getting bored with our conversation (sure the last incident made them laugh!) |
| catqueen 05.10.2009 14:21 |
I guess it shows how people in different cultures interpret things differently! To one 'out' is just goodbye, to another, it is abrupt and rude! :) I had a funny experience the other day, i was talking to someone who English isn't their first language, and I said 'it's a lovely day today, isn't it?' and she said 'thank you very much!' I have no idea what she thought I said! :) And dragon-fly that was not aimed at your English, i was just thinking about misunderstandings, your English is excellent. |
| dragon-fly 05.10.2009 14:49 |
catqueen wrote: I guess it shows how people in different cultures interpret things differently! To one 'out' is just goodbye, to another, it is abrupt and rude! :) I had a funny experience the other day, i was talking to someone who English isn't their first language, and I said 'it's a lovely day today, isn't it?' and she said 'thank you very much!' I have no idea what she thought I said! :) And dragon-fly that was not aimed at your English, i was just thinking about misunderstandings, your English is excellent. Thanks! I just can't keep my hands away from keyboard! I'm awfully meticulous about my English. But I don't know that much about slang. In grammar books you can't find such information:). I'm thankful for your explanation, your '"nose" is very welcome! :D Maybe she heard it not like "lovely day", but- "lovely lady"? :) Ah, misunderstandings, I basically yelled at poor guy with no reason :D. So you were very lucky with "thank you very much" even if she misunderstood you! |
| catqueen 05.10.2009 16:43 |
dragon-fly wrote:catqueen wrote: I guess it shows how people in different cultures interpret things differently! To one 'out' is just goodbye, to another, it is abrupt and rude! :) I had a funny experience the other day, i was talking to someone who English isn't their first language, and I said 'it's a lovely day today, isn't it?' and she said 'thank you very much!' I have no idea what she thought I said! :) And dragon-fly that was not aimed at your English, i was just thinking about misunderstandings, your English is excellent.Thanks! I just can't keep my hands away from keyboard! I'm awfully meticulous about my English. But I don't know that much about slang. In grammar books you can't find such information:). I'm thankful for your explanation, your '"nose" is very welcome! :D Maybe she heard it not like "lovely day", but- "lovely lady"? :) Ah, misunderstandings, I basically yelled at poor guy with no reason :D. So you were very lucky with "thank you very much" even if she misunderstood you! There are misunderstandings between English speaking countries too with regards to slang - for instance, I have American friends who ask if you want to go for a ride, meaning a drive, whereas in Ireland ride is slang for... something you probably wouldn't randomly ask your friend's partner, if you get my drift! And in Ireland fag is slang for cigarette, but in America fag is slang - offensive slang- for a gay man! And many other local expressions that are different! |
| itsmeskc 06.10.2009 02:46 |
dragon-fly wrote: Well, thanks for clearing it up:). I was rushing and misunderstood you. I can't see your emotions- I just read what you write. In the end you mentioned me, then put a dash, then "out" and then all the !!!!. Hence I don't listen American radio.... Pay attention to punctuation :). Enough with this anecdote. About the LIKE A - again, interesting. How about the rest of it? Can you force yourself to writing? I can't do it, that's why I write very rare, only when I get a "bright idea" or under the stress. That's more a game for me. (And I also do it on English:) )I probably will never do it seriously. But I am still very curious at this. How much have you written? How long do you do it? If you want I can give you my e-mail. I guess queenzoners are getting bored with our conversation (sure the last incident made them laugh!) I can force myself to write, but when I do so, I either have a tendency to repeat the same type of themes, or I chose something that is lees genuinely a part of how I really feel. As far as how much I've written, probably about 50 or so, but only a couple of dozen that I think are worthy of consideration. I dont do it as often lately- most if not all of what I've typed in here was done a few years ago. I don't have any real problems exchanging email other than for me it's just more convienent to continue here-plus this is the "personal" section, so I dont think there will be any complaints from queenzoners- plus look at what the misunderstanding led to- a post or two about the problems of interpretation between different cultures. Oh, and let me say that my frequency of posts is inconsistent. Another words, there will be a flurry of activity from me for a few days, and then I'm to pre-occupied for some says until you'll see from me again. So if you post a question to me and no response happens within the next few days- it eventually will. OK- here's the rest of "LIKE A..." It's not that much more, which brings me back to the point about the thought that some of my stuff my be too short. Well, if I were ever really able to do something seriously with them, as far as putting music to them and making them proper songs, I could easily expand them quite quickly with more verses, as the central idea for what I'm thinking is there. And I could come up with stuff quite fast. Like if you were to give me a any word off the top of your head- pretty much whatever it might be, I could sit down with it right away and come up with something decent. Until next time.... "LIKE A..." AS SURE AS THE SUN SETS IN THE WEST AND RISES IN THE EAST THESE THINGS ARE CERTAIN BECAUSR IT"S THE NATURE OF THE BEAST LIKE A Drug Addict....... needing a fix to keep from groveling on the floor LIKE A Fortune Teller..... never questioning the truth of ancient folklore LIKE A Prisoner....... on the wings of an eagleover the fence they would soar LIKE A Politician.... plotting and planning their megalomaniacal war |
| dragon-fly 06.10.2009 03:48 |
Catqueen: Now I know a couple of slangs more :). I've been suffering over Another One Bites The Dust pretty long :). When you translate it literally- it's just a nonsense! But finally found the meaning- surprise! Itsmeskc: You are not bound to answer to me. Now I have a feeling that you started to write very carefully:). I'm not agressive person at all, you just were very "lucky" to get it from me :). The LIKE A- sounds good, but not the best one from you. The reason why I asked about songs/poems question is not just about the lenght. It has importance for a song, but it's not the main thing (I'm agree with you). What about the rhyme? I mean that for a song the rhyme isn't very important. And, in fact, it can be not very beneficial in some cases (I have such feeling). For a poem it's more common. The way you make the rhyme is perfect for a poem, but will it work the same good for a song? I have a doubt. But surely- you decide how you want it to see. |
| Unblinking Eye 10.12.2009 05:30 |
Well, seashell may be a song, but it is a beautiful and moving poem!! |