| Winter Land Man 10.07.2009 00:50 |
Darlin' |
| Rick 10.07.2009 04:32 |
Sweet Insanity wrote: So, This is where I stopped reading. |
| pg 10.07.2009 05:53 |
! Show compassion ! According Dacher Keltner, a psychologist at the University of California, extended compassion, gratitude and generosity of our lives, as evidence of giving and helping strengthen the immune system and a healthier live ...a double-broken heart takes twice a long time of healing... ! 2 years ! :-( .gaja. |
| thomasquinn 32989 10.07.2009 07:56 |
I can't help wondering...what if Jake spent the time he reserves for self-pity and posting his sad life's story on something constructive? Like his (to my belief) fictional son? |
| Mr Mercury 10.07.2009 08:04 |
Because his son (fictional or not) isnt old enough to cope with Jake's "pity me" shite. |
| thomasquinn 32989 10.07.2009 08:05 |
Mr Mercury wrote: Because his son (fictional or not) isnt old enough to cope with Jake's "pity me" shite. LOL. I don't think anyone under 3500 years old is. |
| pittrek 10.07.2009 08:35 |
Hooray, Jake is alive ! |
| Raf 10.07.2009 10:12 |
Hey, you... |
| JoxerTheDeityPirate 10.07.2009 11:22 |
must be a full moon again.. |
| -fatty- 2850 10.07.2009 13:00 |
I knew it was too good to last. fatty. |
| -fatty- 2850 10.07.2009 13:56 |
Jake wrote: "So, well, the past two months have been Hell." Speak for yourself. Jake wrote "I started drinking. Why?" Because you have the mind of an 11 year old and you think that it's cool. Jake wrote: "Didn't have the money for cocaine or anything" Yet you managed to find enough money for a dozen or so beers everyday. A coke habit would have been cheaper. Jake wrote: "I got down on my knees many times during the day" Well that explains where the money was coming from. Jake wrote: "I'm a happy drunk, yet I become mentally handicapped when drunk," It's not just when you're drunk that you appear to be mentally handicapped. You do realise this, don't you? Jake wrote: "I was partying and having sex with any woman that would spread her legs." I suspect this to be a lie. You're not that pleasant when you're sober so I find it highly unlikely that a woman would become more attracted to you while you were lying in a pool of your own vomit and urine. Jake wrote: "I have to get STD tests tomorrow." You are a sexually transmitted disease. You were passed from your father to your mother 22 years ago. I bet if you were smeared with anti-biotics, you'd dissolve like the wicked witch of the west in 'The Wizard of Oz' Jake wrote: "At parties, I'd drink beer, and I'd finish up with straight vodka." Wow! You're so cool. Jake wrote: "I didn't care." Wow! You're so super cool. Jake wrote: "I could just drink again without any worries." Wow! You're just so awsome that I'm going to have to change into some dry underpants. Jake wrote: "One night, I drank so much and so fast, that I fell out of bed and passed out, and stopped breathing." Oh sweet baby Ganesh, I've just shot my bolt. Jake wrote: "Jessica had to sit me up right in order to breath by then," And she wonders why so may folk on Queenzone don't like her despite never having spoken to her. Jake wrote; "I decided at 6:00AM to go get a six pack. Figured I could sober up by then. But after the first six pack, I bought another. After that, I bought a 12 pack. If you think about it, that is only 24 beers. But I drank all of them except 3 bottles," I don't know anyone over the age of 13 years old who still thinks they're cool by bragging about how much they managed to drink in a short period of time. Jake wrote: "I remember saying to the lady at the scrap yard to "Forgive me body movements, I have parkinson's disease"... I doubt she believed it. Especially since I was hitting on her and making sexual comments to her." I've just been sick all down my shirt. Jake wrote: "She (Jake's doctor) told me I'll die if I continue to mix prescriptions and alcohol." She's lying Jake. You'll be fine. Jake wrote: "I completely upset my Mom, because my Uncle died not too long ago, and she says I remind her so much of him." Yeah, I've seen photographs of you and you do bear a striking resemblance to a decomposed corpse. Jake wrote "I saw my Mom cry thinking I'd die like he did." Those were tears of joy I suspect. Jake wrote: "I have Jessica and Gavyn to worry about," Well that makes a first. Jake wrote: "I have a life to live. Drinking yourself away isn't a life, it's either suicide, or a cry for help. I don't know what mine was, probably both, but I want to live... and that, I shall." Birthday card pish! |
| JoxerTheDeityPirate 10.07.2009 14:14 |
-fatty- wrote: I knew it was too good to last. fatty. some people 'turn with the tides',this moron posts shit every time there's a full moon on the horizon i cant be the only one who's noticed it? |
| john bodega 10.07.2009 15:10 |
I don't get it. I saw this thread when it had no replies; I thought about making fun of the guy but reckoned "if I leave him alone, he might leave us alone". Heh. |
| Bo Rhap 10.07.2009 19:42 |
This cunt has a stupid attitude He's fucking wired to Mars |
| The Real Wizard 10.07.2009 20:19 |
There's the laugh I needed today. In fact, there were many. Thanks, fatty. |
| Winter Land Man 14.07.2009 17:12 |
I've been sober since Wednesday. Funeral on Wednesday. Burial on Thursday. Working all day Friday. |
| -fatty- 2850 14.07.2009 19:47 |
Sweet Insanity wrote: I've been sober since Wednesday. Funeral on Wednesday. Burial on Thursday. Working all day Friday. Hoping someone on Queenzone enquires who it was that died so I can bleat on about just how tragic it is to be me on Saturday. Pretending to drink 124 beers in the space of ten minutes on Sunday. Ignoring parental responsibilty on Monday. Posting self-pitying diatribe on Queenzone on Tuesday. Taking photographs of children in the park on Wednesday. Licking the tyres on my next door neighbour's truck on Thursday. Visiting uncle Pete in Prison on Friday. Listening to a looped Brian Wilson CD on Saturday. Masturbating into a sock on Sunday. Writing a song that starts with the words "So you say" and contains 11 "fucks" on Monday. Getting messages from God on Tuesday. Cutting neighbour's grass for £3 on Wednesday. Drinking iced coffee that the store clerk has pissed in on Thursday. Pretending another friend or close relative has died in order to gain sympathy from Queenzoners on Friday. Slowly realising that nobody cares whether I live or die on Saturday. Posting a long and painstakingly dull post on Quenzone which will inevitably be choc-full of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors in which I claim to suffer from a number of made-up disorders which are more commonly associated with young children, make ridiculously exaggerated boasts concerning the amount of alcohol I consume on top of my medication, which incidentally are placebos, and attempt to portray myself as a tragic anti-hero with a rebellious and self-destructive streak on Sunday. Cutting myself on Monday. The days must fly by, eh? fatty. |
| thomasquinn 32989 15.07.2009 08:02 |
In a way, we should be grateful for having Jake around. Think of it like this: who else is there that gives you all the openings for comments/jokes/piss-taking you need, that you can make fun of in absolutely every way imaginable without ever feeling the least bit guilty, and on top of all that, actually responds to such material every now and then? |
| -fatty- 2850 15.07.2009 18:10 |
ThomasQuinn wrote: In a way, we should be grateful for having Jake around. Think of it like this: who else is there that gives you all the openings for comments/jokes/piss-taking you need, that you can make fun of in absolutely every way imaginable without ever feeling the least bit guilty, and on top of all that, actually responds to such material every now and then? He's the gift that keeps on giving and no mistake. fatty. |
| Crazy LittleThing 15.07.2009 19:45 |
Hey--anything that gets not only TQ to post, but fatty as well . . . result! What's not to like?! |
| Winter Land Man 16.07.2009 04:47 |
She's out to get me. |
| john bodega 16.07.2009 04:53 |
I don't think anyone is. Who would bother? |
| Freya is quietly judging you. 16.07.2009 08:29 |
Oh Jake. Why are you not dead yet. |
| Winter Land Man 16.07.2009 21:50 |
Freya is quietly judging you. wrote: Oh Jake. Why are you not dead yet. Because you gave me herpes... not AIDS. |
| Freya is quietly judging you. 16.07.2009 22:16 |
Shame. |
| john bodega 17.07.2009 03:02 |
The Little Engine that Couldn't. That's our man Jake. PS. Why the hell is he dating that maggot-infested whore again? She's not even worth taking back. Jake, just grab your kid while she's not looking and move somewhere else you stupid git. She can suck up someone else's 50 CC's of monkey spooge for a change. |
| thomasquinn 32989 17.07.2009 06:29 |
Freya is quietly judging you. wrote: Shame. Oh, relax, you can try again. Jake is so desperate to be near anything female that you will have no trouble whatsoever in getting him to drink battery acid. Just put a pint glass filled with it in front of him and, whilst showing him your legs in a seductive way, ask him sweetly to show how masculine he is by draining the glass of "beer" in one go. |
| -fatty- 2850 17.07.2009 14:58 |
I've had enough of all this Britt-Bashing. It's time to start thinking positive and concentrating on his good points. I am now making it my mission to find Jake a new mate.... I mean girlfriend. So come on ladies, cast your eyes over his profile and if you're interested in getting to know Jake a little better, you can leave him a message, email him or better still, fill your pockets with heavy stones and jump in a canal. Looks: This is probably a bad subject to start with as Jake is not the prettiest of God's creatures. His hair is so greasy that it be used to lubricate the rectums of San Francisco's entire gay community. His eyes are so far apart that he can see in 4D. His nostrils are so flared, he could pick his nose with his elbows and his lips bear a striking resemblance to an aboriginal woman's vagina that's been stung by bees. On the up-side, if you're the jealous sort, you wouldn't have to worry about some wanton temptress stealing him away from you. You could throw Jake in as part of package consisting of a 28 room beach-front mansion with a swimming pool, tennis court and helicopter pad for the knock-down price of $9.99 and even the most ardent bargain hunter would balk at the deal. Personality: Jake doesn't have one. Talent: It could be argued that Jake possesses no talent whatsoever and, to be fair, it's an argument you'd win. But Jake refuses to allow his lack of any discenrable flair in the feild of rock music to dent his dream of, one day, becoming a famous pop star. He stoically refuses to allow reality to hold him back and for this he ought to applauded or, at the very least, sectioned under the mental health act of 1983. Fashion sense: Jake's wardrobe (which groans under the weight of the world's stickiest collection of pornographic magazines) is pretty conservative by most people's standards. Jeans, t-shirts, baseball caps, those novelty underpants that have the months of the year written on the front. hockey masks and a sturdy pair of canvas pyjamas with buckles on the sleeves which fasten around the back. Jake also has a large collection of ladies undergarments which he has been liberating from the washing line of his next door neighbours garden and an old shoe-box containg, among other things, rope, a hacksaw and a bottle of rohypnol. Pride of place in Jake's wardrobe is a suit made from the skin of six women who went missing between 2003 and 2008. He likes to wear this while dancing around to the Q Lazzarus song 'Goodbye Horses'. Jake, however does not have to tuck his penis away as it is already small enough to resemble a lady's secret bits. Financial status: At the time of writing Jake's 'Super-Saving Squirrel account has a balance of $6.08. He also recieves monthly welfare cheques but his mother cashes them to feed her addiction to crystal meth. Jake supplements his income by doing odd jobs such as cutting grass, clearing snow from people's paths, selling home-made lemonade, volunteering for medical experiments and performing sexual favours for one of his uncles. His total income for the year 2007-2009 was $61.35 and this includes the $20 he recieved from his grandmother last Christmas Health: Unlike other feeble-minded simpletons, Jake isn't all that physically strong. At a push he has just about enough strength to hold down a young girl or attack a woman from behind but during his last physical, he failed in a number of relatively simple tasks designed to test brute force. These tests included pulling the skin off a rice pudding, fighting his way out of a wet paper bag, and he came fifth in a two man running race. Mentally, Jake is a write-off. He suffers from a number of disorders which until a few years ago didn't actually exist and were in fact invented to excuse piss-poor parental skills. As such he is forced to take medication (sugar coated placebos) to combat stress, anxiety and self responsibilty. Jake also claims to suffer from depression but not nearly as much as he makes those around him suffer. So there you have it. I'm sure you'll agree, Jake's quite a catch and would be ideally suited to a girl who was trapped in a downward spiral of self-loathing and wanted to re-affirm her own feelings of worthlessness. Or perhaps a girl who has fallen out with her parents and wants to hurt them in the worst imaginable way. Or why not just try it out of morbid curiousity? fatty. |
| Ms. Rebel 18.07.2009 07:10 |
What a waste of time. |
| «¤~Mrš. BÃD GÛŸ~¤» 18.07.2009 07:42 |
Saddest thing I've ever seen..... |
| thomasquinn 32989 18.07.2009 11:12 |
-fatty- wrote: Or perhaps a girl who has fallen out with her parents and wants to hurt them in the worst imaginable way? Hey! You're taking away my target group! |
| Winter Land Man 25.07.2009 04:53 |
Puh-leeze be limble! |