- Harmonizing pills
This, my dear friends, is no less than a secret kept for more than 30 years. But that's not the case anymore, since here in Shredmdicine we bring you the truth at all cost.
If you are a musician, you've probably heard about Brian May, that guy-with-the-curly-hair from the band named Queen. What's more, you've probably heard his splendid solos and guitar arrangements, which often include from 3 to 7 (yes... seven!) guitars.
Well here's a little secret, my friends: This dude Brian May is no genius at all. It just happens that back in 1971 he came up with this pills known as harmonizing pills (in slang they're also called "the harmys", e.g: "Hey Dude, got a Harmy? Need to compose a three-part harmony"). This is no joke, these pills are the real shit. The thing is they are very hard to get, which in part explains the reason why few guitarist know how to harmonize and build up great solos.
It is not clear how did brian may manage to get these pills in the first place, but the legend tells that he had a friend which actually came up with the formula to make them (Brian May had a lot of geek friends).
Here in ShredMedicine we cannot tell you how to get these pills, for it may cost us our lives. We do not want to unleash the fury of shred dealers!
Next, we offer you a shortened version of the pills' prospect:
Harmonizing Pills
Action: Harmonizing Pills, sold under the name "Harmonix", which come in quantities of 93 and 890 mg, are powerful brain chemistry activators, which allow the user to think more clearly in terms of harmonizing different notes.
Common side effects may include:
- Delirium Shreddens (Trying to harmonize too many notes, which in turn may cause brain seizures)
- Brian May's Syndrome: The user may become a Jimmy Page Fan (also known as deaf person's soapbox syndrome)
- Anal Shred Hallucinations: do we need to explain?
Cheers,
Shredmedicine.
Splintol vs Shredaxine
We suggest you see a doctor before choosing the right med for you. No med works wonders, no med is the same to everyone. If you feel like shred is taking over your life, if you dream with 280 bpm and satch boogie keeps ringing in your ear 24 hours a day, then you should consider starting with a low splintol dose. However, if you feel like you don't even want to play a sweep chord or do some tapping after dinner, then you should consider starting with about 200 mg/day of shredaxine, which is an effective shredotonine uptaker. Have you ever wondered how people like Steve Vai and eric Johnson find the perfect balance between shred and splinty tunes?
Vai himself said "I wake up, wash my teeth, play some paganini, kiss my wife and then I take some milk with cereals and, of course, some shredaxine (oral dose) to help me start my day. Of course i am not free from pain and suffering, but it helps anyway. So my advice would be: See your doctor and get some shredaxine right now"
Eric johnson: "Sometimes i feel my playing is going really fast... and im not much of a shredder. Shred is like a drug, once you start you cant stop. I mean, once i shredded for three days and i could stop. If i stopped, i got headaches and some severe diarrea. That's when i discovered splintol. But it should be taken in low doses, you dont wanna become a jimmy page, lawlz".
Libiamo, libiamo ne'lieti calici
che la belleza infiora.
E la fuggevol ora s'inebrii
a voluttà.
Libiamo ne'dolci fremiti
che suscita l'amore,
poichè quell'ochio al core
Omnipotente va.
Libiamo, amore fra i calici
più caldi baci avrà.
=D