Three mothers-to-be are sitting in the day room of the maternity hospital. All of a sudden the first woman puts down her knitting, reaches into her handbag and takes out a small bottle of pills.
"What are those?" asks one of the second women.
"Oh these are vitamin B tablets" she replies "They're good for the babies bones and hair."
Just then, the second woman puts down her knitting and takes a small bottle of pills from her handbag.
"What are those? asks the first woman.
"Oh these are vitamin C tablets." she replies "They're good for the babies eyes and skin."
Just then the third woman puts her knitting down, reaches into her handbag and takes out a small bottle of pills.
"What are those? asks the first and second women.
"Thalidomide, I've just fucked up the sleeves on this cardigan."
fatty
PS What's blue and fucks old women?
Hypothermia.
Was talking to a friend of mine from Edinburgh the other day and he's moved to a fancy new apartment in Leith.
I mentioned that I knew someone who lived there and had heard stories about it being a bit dangerous, but apparently they have 'knocked the whole place down' and basically rebuilt it, and it sounds like a very nice place to live.
Did they knock your house down? If they did, I hope you got a fucking fortune off some property developer for it.
Okay, I'll give it a try.
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Little Lucy comes home from school all excited.
She immediately tells her father of a summer camp she badly wants to go to.
"Fine", says her father. "You may go, but only if you orally stimulate my penis until I climax".
Little Lucy does as she's told, but very quickly stops.
"Daddy, it tastes like poo!", she says.
And her father replies "Well, of course! Your brother wanted a new skateboard!"
.DeaconJohn. wrote: Was talking to a friend of mine from Edinburgh the other day and he's moved to a fancy new apartment in Leith.
I mentioned that I knew someone who lived there and had heard stories about it being a bit dangerous, but apparently they have 'knocked the whole place down' and basically rebuilt it, and it sounds like a very nice place to live.
Did they knock your house down? If they did, I hope you got a fucking fortune off some property developer for it.
wrote: Okay, I'll give it a try.
-------------------------
Little Lucy comes home from school all excited.
She immediately tells her father of a summer camp she badly wants to go to.
"Fine", says her father. "You may go, but only if you orally stimulate my penis until I climax".
Little Lucy does as she's told, but very quickly stops.
"Daddy, it tastes like poo!", she says.
And her father replies "Well, of course! Your brother wanted a new skateboard!"
wrote: Okay, I'll give it a try.
-------------------------
Little Lucy comes home from school all excited.
She immediately tells her father of a summer camp she badly wants to go to.
"Fine", says her father. "You may go, but only if you orally stimulate my penis until I climax".
Little Lucy does as she's told, but very quickly stops.
"Daddy, it tastes like poo!", she says.
And her father replies "Well, of course! Your brother wanted a new skateboard!"
wrote: Okay, I'll give it a try.
-------------------------
Little Lucy comes home from school all excited.
She immediately tells her father of a summer camp she badly wants to go to.
"Fine", says her father. "You may go, but only if you orally stimulate my penis until I climax".
Little Lucy does as she's told, but very quickly stops.
"Daddy, it tastes like poo!", she says.
And her father replies "Well, of course! Your brother wanted a new skateboard!"
A young guy on his first day at work as a mortuary assistant is told to strip and wash the body of a 19 year old female suicide victim. A few minutes later he returns to his supervisor with a puzzled expression on his face.
"You know that girl you asked me to strip and wash?"
"Yeah." says his supervisor
"Well I just took her panties down and she has a prawn stuck in her vagina."
"I beg your pardon."
"Seriously. She has a prawn wedged into her vagina."
The supervisor follows the young assistant through to the room in which the body is laid out and asks him to point out the prawn.
"It's just there." says the assistant.
The supervisor shakes his head in disbelief.
You really dont't know a lot about the female anatomy, do you? That's not a prawn. It's her clitoris."
"Oh" says the assistant "Well it tastes like a prawn."
fatty.
wrote: Okay, I'll give it a try.
-------------------------
Little Lucy comes home from school all excited.
She immediately tells her father of a summer camp she badly wants to go to.
"Fine", says her father. "You may go, but only if you orally stimulate my penis until I climax".
Little Lucy does as she's told, but very quickly stops.
"Daddy, it tastes like poo!", she says.
And her father replies "Well, of course! Your brother wanted a new skateboard!"
dayum! lol
i wish i were better at telling jokes, id have to remember that one for bartending.
whats brown and sticky?
a stick.
how many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
none, feminists dont change anything
a drumset falls off a stage- ba dum tsh!!
those are the only ones i know XD