Last night I was skipping between Queenzone while watching Friday Night with Jonathan Ross on BBCiplayer. Now it might have something to do with the super strength pain-killers I'm taking at the moment but I'm pretty sure Jonathan Ross devoted his entire show to certain members of this very message board. I'll try to transcribe as much of the show as I can remember.
PART ONE
And now on BBC1, the weekend starts here. It's Friday Night With Jonathan Ross.
(title music)
J.R: Thank you. Thank you and welcome to Fwiday night with Jonathan Woss. Ladies and gentlemen, have you seen what was in the papers this week? Scientists fwom NASA have dicovered an astewoid orbiting the planet between Saturn and Neptune. Appawently it's over 5 miles in diameter and shaped exactly like an overweight chicken and they are getting pwetty exited about it, I can tell you. Speaking of men who get exited by the thought of a big fat cock circling uranus, allow me to intwoduce my house band. Four Poofs and a Piano.
(Four Poofs and a Piano play a camp and badly rehearsed version of 'Don't Stop Me Now')
J.R: Shall we see who we have in my gween woom tonight? My first guest is the fwontman of a band that nobody in their wight mind would pay good money to see. He's been descwibed as delusional, obnoxious and a cunt....and that was by hs own mother. It's Tweasure Moment.
(cut to a shot of Treasure Moment in the green room with a vacant expression on his stupid fucking face.)
J.R: My next guest is one half of Queenzone's comedy double act Innuendo1990 & Fopjeflawmopje. Come to think of it, he's the other half as well. It's Bwadley.
(cut to a shot of Bradley in the green room with a vacant expression on his stupid, fat, four-eyed, fucking face.)
J.R: My third and final guest is something of a newcomer to Queenzone and alweady she's causing a certain amount of contwoversy by claiming to be the incarnation of the late gweat Fweddie Mercury. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Camilla1991.
(cut to a shot of Camilla1991 in the green room with a vacant expression on her stupid, buck-toothed, moustachioed, fucking face.)
J.R: And if that's not enough we have music fwom a man who claims he's going to be the next Woger Taylor and you can all fuck off if you think otherwise. It's Queenwules2008.
(cut to a shot of Queenrules2008 in the green room looking relaxed and enjoying a drink.)
J.R: How about that ladies and gentlemen? It's like a poorly thought out analogy based around things you might find in a wastepaper bin at a sex-change clinic back there tonight. There's a complete dick. (cut to a shot of Treasure Moment in the green room with a vacant expression on his stupid fucking face.) There's a couple of tiny nuts in a small pink sack (cut to a shot of Bradley in the green room with a vacant expression on his stupid, fat, four-eyed, fucking face.) There's a big hairy fanny (cut to a shot of Camilla1991 in the green room with a vacant expression on her stupid, buck-toothed, moustachioed, fucking face.) and there's a bit of a tit. (cut to a shot of Queenrules2008 in the green room looking relaxed and enjoying a drink.)
(Jonathan smiles smugly at the camera for the next three and a half minutes.)
PART TWO COMING SOON
fatty
well done O Lairdy Lard one.
i remembered not to be drinking anything whilst reading your posts this time :-]
dunna about ol' Wossy but i'm half expecting The Pub Landlord to mention this place at some stage..
"all hail to the ale!"
Brilliant stuff! Remember to include loads of "How lovely it is to see you", "Your looking gweat", "Its a joy having you on", "I'm a geniune fan", "Like me you are a buff man. Like me I'm sure you like to work out" and "I would very much like to see your cock" in your interviews.