This is too funny not to share -
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free
to sing along.
And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as
Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however,
no gift should be over $10.00, to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will
make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our ' Holiday Party.' The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There
will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have
other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
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FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I
supposed to handle this??? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange. No gift exchanges allowed now since
the Union officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management
believes $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGES WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off
on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package
everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggie bag. Will
that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other
and Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men. Each will have their
own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay mens' table, too.
To the person asking permission to cross-dress -- no cross dressing
allowed. And NO! No blow-up sheep.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
food. We suggest that those people with high blood pressure taste the
food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics; the
restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?! ?!?!?!
Pauline.
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees