Im only posting this here because this is the only forum where my account is still active...
Anyway, recently I just have this problem where I cannot talk to people - when people try to make conversation with me I tend to just clam up - and feel a desperate need to run away. Its getting increasingly frustrating to live with - im fine when on messanger, etc, but when actually talking to people I cant do it. Like I was buying a record the other day - and the person was like so your a queen fan then? and I was like yeah... and all I could think of was just getting out of there? What on earth can I do to stop me feeling like this?
I hope someone out there who has overcome this can share their experience.
deleted user 17.11.2007 10:26
Solution One : Just make yourself do it.
Solution Two : Just make yourself do it, with help of a therapist or whatever.
What you are suffering from is social anxiety, it happens to lots of people to varying degrees. Nothing to feel bad about.
Were you bullied when you were you were younger, or is there anything else that has happened that you feel could have contributed to this shyness and lack of confidence?
.DeaconJohn. wrote: Were you bullied when you were you were younger, or is there anything else that has happened that you feel could have contributed to this shyness and lack of confidence?
Excellent questions. You should answer them honestly - not necessarily here, but to yourself.
Years ago, I was in a difficult relationship that completely dissolved what confidence I had. When I was finally free of that relationship, I suffered the same panic while in public. I was forced to overcome it (to some degree) because I have a daughter who needed/needs to see healthy interaction between people. I put on a front while with others, smiling and concentrating on what they were saying so that I didn't have to think about the overwhelming 'need to run' that you described.
I wish I'd sought help for it but, honestly, I didn't fully acknowledge it as a problem until recently. You're ahead of the game by recognizing that this is something you want to overcome. I'd suggest speaking with your doctor. You'll be amazed to learn how common it is - with or without past trauma to instigate it. Your doctor will be able to help, and if s/he can't, you'll be directed to someone who can.
Above all, be patient with yourself. This fear is possible to squelch, but it won't happen in a day.
I have the same kind of thing. When I meet someone new or I see someone I haven't talked to in a long time, I get all nervous and don't know how to stand or what to say. It's really annoying and akward but I can't help it.
1. Spend less time online. It is not an environment in which your social skills will improve.
2. Take up a new hobby. Crochet, juggling, war gaming - it doesn't matter what. Expose yourself to new people and you'll get a little practice and gradually these problems will disappear.
3. Apply for a (new) job. It doesn't matter if you have no intention of taking a job, having to attend interviews forces you to think about eye contact, active listening, etc
4. Chat up a complete stranger. Take an interest in someone else's life, ask someone about the book they're reading on the bus, think about their answer and ask a follow up.