| John S Stuart 10.11.2007 06:46 |
A very old and decrepit Italian man walks into his local church and tells his priest he only has a few weeks to live. He also says that he would like to make his peace with god and confess all his sins. So he tells the priest that when he was a young man, he helped to shelter a beautiful young Italian Jew from the Nazi's during the war. But that in return he demanded sexual favours from her. How do I make amends he confesses? "Well" says the priest. "You did save her from a horrible death, so I think God will understand". So I think 10 "Hail Mary's" should be fine. "No, No", says the old Italian. "You don't understand". "How do I tell her her the war is over?" |
| Raf 10.11.2007 07:03 |
ROFL! |
| Ms. Rebel 10.11.2007 08:12 |
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH THAT WAS A GOOOOOOOD ONE...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....WAAAAAAAA...WOOOOO!!! Okay, now I'm going to read it. Edit* nice :) PS. my priest is a pedophile. |
| its_a_hard_life 26994 10.11.2007 08:37 |
¬.¬' |
| john bodega 10.11.2007 08:38 |
Is it wrong that I've taken this joke onboard as a possible pick-up strategy? |
| john bodega 10.11.2007 08:38 |
Is it wrong that I've taken this joke onboard as a possible pick-up strategy? |
| Sergei. 10.11.2007 08:43 |
Ehhhh. I like the one about the coffin better. ;P |
| YourValentine 10.11.2007 10:19 |
Are you saying the war is over??? Some jokes from the hub joke bot: Two blondes are on a plane to California, they are about two hours into the flight when the pilot gets on the intercom and says "we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer". Half an hour later he gets on the intercom again and says "we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though". One of the blondes says ''If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day'' In a second grade class, a little girl asks, ''Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?'', ''How old is your mother, dear?'' asks the teacher. ''Forty.'' she replies. ''Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant.'' The little girl then asks, ''Can my big sister get pregnant?'' ''Well, dear, how old is your sister?'' The little girl answers, ''Nineteen.'' ''Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant.'' The little girl then asks, ''Can I get pregnant?'' ''How old are you, dear?'' The little girl answers, ''I'm seven years old.'' ''No, dear, you can't get pregnant...'' Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, ''See, I told you we had nothing to worry about.'' |
| Erin 10.11.2007 11:32 |
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, definitely Caucasian white baby boy! "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby"? The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong! |
| Ms. Rebel 10.11.2007 13:14 |
Total retard is driving a truck, and he picks up nun that needs a ride. He says:"I will give you a lift, if you will have a sex with me" Nun answers:"Alright, but I won't do it if you are married" Retard says:"No, I'm not married, i'm single." Nun asks:"Do you have a condom?" Reatrd answers:"No, we'll do it from behind, is that okay with you?" Nun says:"Yes, it is, let's do it" After hard sex, retard says:"I must confess you something, I'm married and have 2 kids." Nun says:"I also have confession to make." She tooks off her veil and says:"I'm Billy and I'm going trick or threating!" Wahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Oooooooooh...mine is the funniest one...Hahahahahaha.... x'D |
| deleted user 10.11.2007 13:48 |
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No. Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you? Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere. |
| deleted user 10.11.2007 13:56 |
Two guys are watching a dog lick its balls and one says “Man, I wish I could do that.” The other guy says, “Really? I think I’d just pet him first.” A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress is cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red. "Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands. "No" he replies, "I'm just the manager." "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair. "I''m afraid I can't," breathes the manager clearly aroused. "He's in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message." She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him" she says "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room." Three women are discussing their teenage daughters. The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!" "It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!" "Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a penis!" |
| John S Stuart 10.11.2007 14:49 |
Mother is vacuuming under her young son's bed, when she finds a stash of hardcore S&M magazines. So when father comes home from work - she asks "What will we do with him"? "God knows!" replies father, but whatever it is - we better not spank him". |
| .DeaconJohn. 10.11.2007 15:23 |
John S Stuart wrote: Mother is vacuuming under her young son's bed, when she finds a stash of hardcore S&M magazines. So when father comes home from work - she asks "What will we do with him"? "God knows!" replies father, but whatever it is - we better not spank him".Hahaha. Like it. |
| Stoner 15.11.2007 15:41 |
YourValentine wrote: Are you saying the war is over??? Some jokes from the hub joke bot: Two blondes are on a plane to California, they are about two hours into the flight when the pilot gets on the intercom and says "we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer". Half an hour later he gets on the intercom again and says "we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though". One of the blondes says ''If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day''I DON'T GET IT. |
| Stoner 15.11.2007 15:43 |
<font color=0000CC>Mab Meddows Mercury wrote: In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No. Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you? Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.THIS ONE WAS MY FAVORITE!! MY VERY FAVORITE! |
| Nathan 15.11.2007 17:35 |
A nuclear scientist decided it was time to change careers and became a film director. Unfortunately, all his films bombed at the box office. |
| Queenluv4Life 15.11.2007 20:46 |
YourValentine wrote: Are you saying the war is over??? Some jokes from the hub joke bot: In a second grade class, a little girl asks, ''Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?'', ''How old is your mother, dear?'' asks the teacher. ''Forty.'' she replies. ''Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant.'' The little girl then asks, ''Can my big sister get pregnant?'' ''Well, dear, how old is your sister?'' The little girl answers, ''Nineteen.'' ''Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant.'' The little girl then asks, ''Can I get pregnant?'' ''How old are you, dear?'' The little girl answers, ''I'm seven years old.'' ''No, dear, you can't get pregnant...'' Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, ''See, I told you we had nothing to worry about.''LMAO!! really funny! |
| deleted user 17.11.2007 15:40 |
The animals in the jungle were planning to have a huge party, and they were deciding on who should do what job. "The elephant should build the tables," says the tiger. The other animals agree. "The bird should take care of the decorations because she has such excellent taste," says the antelope. The other animals agree. For the next few minutes or so, nearly all the animals are assigned a job. Yet, someone needs to be assigned to go to the city and bring the beer. "We need someone to bring the beer. Who else is left?" asks the lion. "The bird?" calls one. "No. I'm taking care of the decorations," says the bird. "The only one left is the turtle, lion," explains the monkey. The other animals get angry and start complaining. "NO! Not the turtle! He's so lazy! He's never going to get us the beer on time!" they yelled. The lion calms them all down. "Turtle, everyone else has been assigned a job. You are the one left to get us the beer. We're all depending on you," says the lion. "Okay," says the turtle. The day of the party, everything is nearly ready. The decorations are up, the food is prepared, but there is no sign of the turtle or the beer he was supposed to bring. After a few minutes, the monkey finds the turtle. "Turtle, have you gotten us the beer yet? The party's about to start," says the monkey. The turtle says, "Listen, if you guys keep on nagging, I'm not going to f*cking go!" |
| 7 seas of Whatever 19.11.2007 20:41 |
Nathan wrote: A nuclear scientist decided it was time to change careers and became a film director. Unfortunately, all his films bombed at the box office.Nathan!! Where have you been?? |
| Ms. Rebel 20.11.2007 05:31 |
Touch it. |